A young gay couple smiling and holding each other in bed. Share on Pinterest

Don’t be shy — 85 percent of adults have had oral sex at some point.

To help make sure you’re doing it to the best of your ability, we’re sharing the lowdown on what to do from start to finish.

Bodies are different. Forget what you’ve seen in porn, where the penis is all big, smooth as an eggplant, and praised for tasting “oh so good” as it’s handled by an equally perfect mouth.

Everyone has a smell

We all have our own unique odor. Everything from what we eat to the soap we use can affect it. And you can’t expect to pull a penis out of the cramped confines of pants without some sweat or odor.

A quick shower is usually sufficient to keep things fresh down there. Any odor that’s left is natural and totally fine.

Don’t be afraid to suggest a shower beforehand! No one wants a smelly penis in their mouth.

And everyone has a taste

Yep, genitals and semen have a taste. What does it taste like? You won’t know exactly until you try.

Just like our natural odor, different factors affect how we taste.

If someone has some funky-tasting spunk, there are things they can do to spruce up their juice.

Penises come in many colors, shapes, and sizes

Penises run the gamut when it comes to physical characteristics.

You’ve got circumcised or uncircumcised. Some are long, others are short. There are dark or pale ones, smooth or ridged ones.

Some are cock-eyed. It’s all good.

So does pubic hair

The carpet doesn’t always match the drapes. Not all pubes are trim and tidy. Some people have an unruly bush, and that’s totally fine.

Oral sex still has risks

Oral sexually transmitted infections (STIs) exist. Any skin-to-skin contact or contact with bodily fluids can spread STIs.

And don’t let a healthy looking package fool you. Not all STIs cause symptoms.

Lower your risk and give yourself a tasty treat by using flavored condoms.

You’re bound to have some Q’s right about now, so let’s start with some of the most pressing.

What do I do if there’s foreskin?

You don’t really need to tweak your game all that much for foreskin.

If you’re starting with your hands, let the foreskin move with your hand.

When you’re ready to get your lick on, gently pull the foreskin downward to expose the head.

How can I avoid gagging — or is that a good thing?

Gagging does not a good blow job make — though some might (literally) beg otherwise. You can avoid gagging by placing the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth to block your throat as you suck.

Do I have to deep throat?

Only if you want to. You can still give them a mind-blowing beej without going deep. Maneuver it toward the roof of your mouth instead. Unless your partner’s an oral surgeon, they probably won’t know the diff.

Why is my partner so quiet? Am I doing OK?

Apart from taking a bite of it, there’s really no way to screw this up. Look for nonverbal signs of pleasure, like faster and heavier breathing or thrusting action.

If the radio silence is freaking you out, don’t be afraid to ask if it feels good. They’ll probably think it’s hot that you genuinely want to get them off.

What do I do if my mouth gets tired?

Use your hands. Alternating between hand and mouth is just as enjoyable!

Does it matter if I spit or swallow?

This comes down to your comfort level. Discuss it with your partner beforehand.

Some people love the visual of blowing their load into someone’s mouth, but having them finish on your closed lips or chin can be just as hot if swallowing semen isn’t your thing.

Here are some quick pointers to help you become a head master:

Set the pace

Going too fast can make them feel like you just want to get it over with and come already.

Start off slow with light pressure, and slowly increase your pace. If they seem to be getting close to climax, stick with what you’re doing.

Pay attention to their body language

The hips don’t lie: Pay attention to what they’re doing while you’re going down. Thrusting, holding your head steady, or quivering are all signs that they’re loving it and getting closer to climax.

Lock eyes

Eye contact as you take them in your mouth is super hot, shows confidence (also super hot), and ups the intimacy factor.

Make sure to lock eyes often or even the entire time to create a connection that leaves a lasting impression long after the job is done.

Make some noise

It’s not a lick of gelato, so hearty “nom nom noms” aren’t necessary, but voicing your enthusiasm will be appreciated.

Moaning, heavy breathing, and even slurping show you’re into it. And the vibration from your mouth will feel amazing against their package.

Stray from the shaft

Take your lips on a tour of the genital region. The entire area is a place of wonderment and nerve endings longing to be explored.

Nearby attractions worth licking your way through include the head, frenulum, scrotum, and inner thighs. The frenulum is the little ridge of skin on the underside of the penis where the shaft meets the head. It’ll feel ahh-mazing.

Feeling adventurous? Take the back road to the perineum and the anus — with their consent, of course.

Use your hands

Oral is the perfect time to get touchy-feely. You can use your hand to control the depth and show other parts of their body some extra love.

Switch things up

Unless your partner says don’t stop, using the same speed, motion, and pressure over and over is more likely to result in boredom and chafing than an orgasm.

Alternate between licking the shaft, swirling your tongue around the head, and letting your hands take over to switch things up.

You’ve got the basics, so it’s time to make your move.

How do I get things going?

It’s only fitting that you get an oral sesh started with your mouth. What better way than some good old-fashioned making out?

Get them primed by kissing and caressing some of their other erogenous zones, like their ears and neck.

Then use your hands to get them nice and hard before getting mouthy.

Does the position matter?

As long as you’re both comfortable enough it enjoy it, there’s no need to try any elaborate sex positions. They can stand or sit while you kneel in front, or they can lie flat on their back while your lips hover above.

Clothes or no clothes?

Unless you’re in a place where you can’t get naked, clothing is totally optional. It’s ultimately down to your comfort levels.

Pull it out while leaving the rest of their clothes intact, or pull their underwear down far enough to reach all their good bits.

If the feel of skin on skin helps get you both hot, then go for the full Monty.

It’s technique time! Here are the moves you need to do the deed.

What do I do with my tongue?

Anything goes here, really. Use your entire tongue to lap your way up and down their shaft.

The tip of your tongue is perfect for zoning in on the smaller and highly sensitive areas.

You can use the tip to flick the frenulum, then swirl it around the head before gently bringing them into your mouth.

How do I keep my teeth out of the way?

Unless you’re trying to bite down, your teeth aren’t really an issue when giving head.

Focus on letting your tongue and lips make contact. Your teeth will just sort of blend into the background and disappear.

Can I take this into rim job territory, or?

Heck yeah! Your mouth’s already in the vicinity anyway, so the transition to rimming would be a totally natural transition. Just be sure they’re cool with it before you give it a go.

What exactly do I do with my hands?

Use your hand to stroke the shaft and let your thumb graze the frenulum as you reach the head. You can continue to do this while licking and sucking on the head.

Put those multitasking skills to the test and use your other hand to gently massage their balls at the same time.

Should I try penetration?

As long as they consent, then absolutely! Just be sure to use a lot of lube.

Begin by applying gentle pressure to their perineum using the pads of your index and middle fingers, then insert an uber-lubed finger into their anus.

If you’re cool with it, take rimming to another level by inserting the tip of your tongue into their anus and pushing it in and out.

How can I add sex toys into the mix?

Slowly and with a lot of lube!

Use the tip of a butt plug to tease the opening before slowly inserting it. Keep the butt plug inside while you lick and stroke them off for double the pleasure, and possibly even an anal orgasm.

Unless your jaw is super tired and cramping or they’ve asked you to stop, you don’t have to. It’s totally up to you. Here are some ideas if you’re drawing a blank.

What if they want me to keep going?

You must be doing something right! High-five!

If you’re happy to keep at it, then stick to whatever you’re doing, since it’s probably working. Increasing your speed and upping your enthusiasm with some well-placed moans and eye contact can help get them there faster.

They’re ready to come. Now what?

Remember, there’s no pressure to swallow even if you let them finish in your mouth.

Keep sucking, and let the semen enter your slightly parted lips. If you’re going to swallow, now’s the time. If not, let it dribble down your chin — which is much sexier than it sounds — or discreetly spit it out into a nearby cup or cloth.

If the texture of tapioca’s not your thing, switch to jerking them off just as they’re about to climax. Let them finish on your chin, chest, or other area of your body.

What if I want to stop?

If you want to stop, then by all means stop. The fun doesn’t have to end just because the BJ portion of the program is over. Count it as foreplay and start kissing your way back up their body. Go where you want from there.

Suggestions: Climb on or turn over for penetration, or guide them down so they can reciprocate orally.

The key to being a head master is to make a blow job mutually satisfying. You’re in control when going down, so have fun with it and revel in the power you have over their pleasure.


Adrienne Santos-Longhurst is a freelance writer and author who has written extensively on all things health and lifestyle for more than a decade. When she’s not holed up in her writing shed researching an article or off interviewing health professionals, she can be found frolicking around her beach town with husband and dogs in tow, or splashing about the lake trying to master the stand-up paddleboard.