A person who is homoromantic is romantically attracted to people who are the same or a similar gender as them.
Although it’s similar to the word “homosexual” — which can be offensive, FYI, so we’ll be using “gay” here on out — the term “homoromantic” speaks specifically to romantic attraction. This is called “romantic orientation.”
The origin of the term “homoromantic” is unclear. It’s thought to originate in the asexual community, but its exact origins are hard to pin down.
A homoromantic person is romantically attracted to people who are the same or a similar gender as them. This romantic attraction might mean that they prefer to date people of the same or a similar gender.
No, being homoromantic is not the same as being gay.
While homoromantic refers to romantic attraction, gay refers to sexual attraction. But many people who are gay are also homoromantic.
Often, the word “gay” is used to refer to someone who’s both sexually and romantically attracted to people who are the same or a similar gender as them.
Most gay people are sexually and romantically attracted to the same or similar gender or genders.
People who are homoromantic might identify as gay, or they might not. It’s up to you to decide which labels and terms are comfortable for you!
As mentioned, you might be both homoromantic and gay. However, some people feel sexually attracted to one group of people, but romantically attracted to another.
In other words, their romantic orientation isn’t the same as their sexual orientation. This is called mixed or cross orientation.
Let’s use some examples:
- A homoromantic, bisexual woman might find herself sexually attracted to people of many genders but only romantically interested in women.
- A homoromantic, pansexual man might find himself sexually attracted to people of all genders, but only romantically interested in men.
- A nonbinary person who’s homoromantic and asexual might be romantically attracted to people of the same or a similar gender, but experience little to no sexual attraction to anyone.
- A woman who’s homoromantic and heterosexual might find herself sexually attracted to men but only romantically interested in women.
- A nonbinary person who’s homoromantic and graysexual might experience sexual attraction infrequently while only being romantically attracted to other nonbinary people.
There are countless examples of how mixed orientation can appear among homoromantic people. There’s no wrong way to be homoromantic.
Yes! Have you ever felt sexually attracted to someone, but didn’t necessarily want a romantic relationship with them? This is because sexual attraction and romantic attraction aren’t the same things.
In that same way, it’s possible for someone to be romantically attracted to one group of people and sexually attracted to another group of people.
Many people who have a mixed or cross orientation prefer to label their romantic orientation separately from their sexual orientation. This might be a more apt way for them to describe themselves.
There’s no “test” to determine whether you’re homoromantic or not.
However, if you want to explore if the term homoromantic feels right for you, you might think about the following:
- Consider what romantic attraction means to you. How does it feel?
- Think about who you’ve been romantically attracted to in the past. Although it’s possible for your attractions to change, this might help you consider what your identity means to you.
- How does the label “homoromantic” feel to you? Does it resonate with you? Why or why not?
You could journal or talk to a close friend about it if you want.
There are no real criteria for being homoromantic beyond the definition. You can be homoromantic without having had a romantic relationship with someone of the same or a similar gender as you. You don’t need a track record in order for your identity to be valid!
And remember, it’s OK if you later figure out that the term doesn’t suit you. Take your time to find what describes you best.
You’ve figured out that you’re homoromantic — great stuff! If you’d like to come out as homoromantic, there are a couple of ways to do it.
- explaining it in a social media post
- casually mentioning it to your loved one(s)
- having a sit-down conversation with them
- texting them or talking on the phone
You could phrase it by saying, “I’m homoromantic. This means that I’m romantically attracted to people who are the same or a similar gender as me.” Keep it simple, but if you’d like to add a more detailed explanation, you can!
If they don’t know what homoromantic means, it might be helpful to direct them to an article about being homoromantic (like this one!). Also, if you don’t want them to tell other people, make that clear upfront.
Remember, though, there’s no pressure to come out, and you shouldn’t feel like you have to come out in order for your orientation to be real. Identifying with an orientation makes it real enough!
It’s totally OK for your identity to shift over time. For some people, their orientations stay the same for the duration of their lives. For others, their orientation might change. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you were never truly homoromantic.
To learn more about being homoromantic, you can check out the following online resources:
- Asexual Visibility and Education Network, where you can search the definitions of different words relating to sexuality and orientation
- GLAAD, which has a number of resources and articles on their site
- our own list of terms that describe sexual and romantic orientations, as well as gender identity
You can also join online LGBTIQA+ forums and groups on Facebook, Reddit, or other social media platforms. This can be a helpful source of advice and support.
Sian Ferguson is a freelance writer and editor based in Grahamstown, South Africa. Her writing covers issues relating to social justice, cannabis, and health. You can reach out to her on Twitter.