1. When you hear someone say “UC,” you don’t think “University of California.”

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2. You know the word "Depends" has more than one important meaning.

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3. You never want to hear the phrase "I have to go now" again.

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4. A flare is not just something in a roadside emergency kit.

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5. You’ve seriously considered carrying a plunger in your purse.

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6. Your poop talk is no longer confined to discussing your child’s diapers. And your friends are used to it.

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7. Everyone you know will give you advice on diet, stress management, and exercise — but all of those people have colons that actually function.

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8. Your doctor tells you not to be stressed or embarrassed by your symptoms, which only causes you to be stressed about not being stressed about your symptoms.

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9. Instead of checking out where the nearest exit is in the restaurant, you always check out the quickest route to the bathroom.

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10. You literally LOL when someone asks if you want to go horseback riding.

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11. It’s totally normal to say words like “colon” and “rectum” in casual conversation, often with total strangers.

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12. You agree that the best thing you can do for yourself is join a gym and exercise, as long as you can get the treadmill closest to the bathroom door.

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13. Your friends say “Wow! You’ve lost so much weight!” and ask for your secret, like it’s a good thing.

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14. You’ve actually liked an official UC page on Facebook.

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15. You know that you’re never going to buy the green bathroom tissue that feels like tree bark, or really anything less than two-ply. Ever.

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16. Your fear of the line at the restroom door exceeds your fear of zombies and spiders combined.

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17. You really want to participate in a walk to raise money for UC research, but only if they have porta-potties strategically stationed along the route.

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18. You know that the hashtag #badgut has nothing to do with beer bellies.

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19. Your bathroom is the best decorated room in your house.

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20. Taco Bell is definitely not on your lists of approved foods. In fact, no Mexican food is. And neither is Indian, nor Thai, nor anything else that tastes good.

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21. The automatic flushing toilet doesn’t understand that you just might not be ready to leave yet.

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22. The phrase “trust your gut” has absolutely no meaning for you.

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23. You joined Costco just to buy toilet paper.

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24. When you got colitis, the bottom didn’t fall out from your world, the world fell out from your bottom.

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25. When someone shouts, “I hate your guts!” you immediately think “me, too.”

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26. You have your “special pants” for the day after your prednisone treatment.

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27. You’re on a first-name basis with the endoscopy technician.

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28. The list of foods you can’t eat is longer than your Christmas list.

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29. No one wants to go on a road trip with you, because, well, you know.

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