There’s no denying there’s something pretty great about being in your 20’s: the late-night partying, the carefree hanging out, the hordes of nameless, faceless roommates. It’s an adventurous time, full of self-exploration and socializing.
If you’re in your late 20’s, you might be panicking and thinking that all the fun is about to end. Nahhh.
If you’ve reached the other side of 30, you know your 30’s might be a little bit more sedated than would impress your 25-year-old rock-star self, but you don’t care in the way you thought you might. You’re happy with your calmer, more mature lifestyle, and thinking about what you want the next phase of your life to look like.
Do you want to get married? Have some kids? Own a home one day? Never eat a g*dd*mn slice of pizza again because it makes you feel terrible?
Whatever your experience is, by the time you turn 30, you’re likely to relate to at least a few of these experiences.
1. Scrolling through a Facebook feed full of more kids than keg stands
Is it a cheap strategy for Facebook likes, or genuine parental pride that causes the new parents on your Facebook feed to post a picture of their babies first everything?
2. Dyeing your hair to cover gray roots instead of to turn it purple
Covering gray roots used to be a thing you associated with old ladies. Now it’s a thing you do every six weeks. And you feel good when you do it with the drugstore brand to stick to your budget.
3. “Self-care” is much more than drinking water when you’re hungover
Yoga. Meditation. Jogging. These used to be things you associated with “holier-than-thou” perfect people who just had to one-up all the other lazy folks. You, on the other hand, were having a great time partying. Now you realize these actions aren’t optional, but a must for physical and emotional health.
4. Seeing your roommate’s hair in the shower and having an existential crisis about future home ownership
Yep. There comes a time when living with strangers isn’t a “fun adventure” anymore.
5. Asking a date about their life goals instead of their favorite band
You sure as hell never thought you’d think it was sexy that someone was an accountant, but now your tax preparer is starting to look kinda cute in that stable, responsible way.
6. Why being gluten-free isn’t just for your weird hippy friends
Cake and bread just don’t come off your hips like they used to. So this is why your parents seemed genuinely enthusiastic about vegetables.
7. Yelling “woooo!” is only for sports games, never for the bar
Okay, okay, maybe there’s a slight exception to this rule for bachelor or bachelorette parties, but your bartender probably thinks otherwise.
8. Not smoking when you’re drunk. And not getting drunk in the first place.
A horrible hangover? Combined with coughing and smelly clothes? How did anyone ever enjoy this?
9. Having a romantic relationship where your digestion is a major topic of discussion
Sure, it’s intimate to share fun nights out, great make-outs, and heart-to-heart conversations about the intellectual issues of our time, but sometimes, you just want to tell someone how often you’re going to the bathroom. It feels great to be this regular as a result of all the fiber you’re now eating, and you’ve got to share the joy. Nobody wants to listen to this besides your boo, and you’re happy to return the favor.
10. Wearing khaki pants even when it isn’t part of an official work uniform
Maybe Dad wasn’t such a nerd after all. Come to think of it, he looked pretty handsome in those loafers.
11. Getting thrown up on by a friend’s baby instead of a drunk buddy
Barf is still a part of your life. Luckily, it’s now from tinier, cuter, soberer people.
12. Reaching out to your parents because you genuinely want to talk to them rather than to borrow money
Mom and Dad might not be around for that much longer. It might be nice to take them out to dinner for once.
13. The “sexy mysterious rebel” is actually a “love avoidant narcissist”
Can you believe if someone didn’t text you back it used to make you like them more? You don’t miss this part of your 20’s at all.
14. Why you should never use the word “dude” non-ironically again
It’s time to start talking like an adult, dude.
15. Framing works of art rather than putting up posters with thumb tacks
You still have a soft spot for that Jeff Buckley “Grace” poster, but it’s time to trade it in for a painting that ties your décor together. Never a Kincaid though, you’re saving his art for your 70’s at least.
16. Paying $14 for one cocktail instead of seven PBR’s
Those “mixologists” can make some pretty delicious concoctions. Getting drunk doesn’t have to the point.
17. Spending time around children because it’s enjoyable, not because you’re getting paid $10 an hour to babysit
They’re pretty cute little people, and it’s fun to see the world again through their eyes. And if they’re not your kids, it’s really fun to go home after spending time with them to your quiet apartment that’s still kid-free.
18. Acting genuinely interested as friends discuss their children’s bathroom habits
It’s so earnestly important to your friends to tell you their toddler used the potty alone. How can you let your pals down by telling them no one without kids cares about this topic?
19. Kale. Everything about kale.
How was this vegetable not popular until recently? It’s even good in a smoothie.
20. Buying a couch from a furniture store instead of hoping the previous roommate left theirs behind when they moved out
A beautiful new sectional that you’re positive doesn’t have bed-bugs is one of the great pleasures of adulthood.
21. Purchasing bedding that doesn’t come all wrapped together in a plastic bag
Until recently, you didn’t know what “thread count” meant. Now, it is an essential ingredient in your bliss.
22. Feeling beautiful whenever you get ID’d to buy booze
That clerk really thought you might be under 21! The moisturizer is working!
23. Vowing to never date a musician instead of really wanting to date a musician
Guitars are still sexy, but not sexy enough to want to loan anyone money.
24. Having wine in the house you’re not even going to drink that night
If you really want to feel cool, invite some friends in their 20’s over to drink a nice bottle.
25. Sending thank you notes even when your mom isn’t making you
It’s nice to take the time to write a handwritten thank you note. One of the many things Mom got right.
26. Watching the high school friends who got married in their twenties get divorced
Mostly it’s a bummer, but maybe there’s a little schadenfreude with the friends who were really snobby about their weddings.
27. Caring more about how the outcome of an election affects your health insurance options than you how it affects the legalization of marijuana
Medical marijuana might a good idea, but so are medical visits with an affordable co-pay.
28. Leaving good tips at restaurants (because you remember what it was like to work in the service industry in your twenties)
Those jobs were fun, but more financial stability is fun too. It feels good to be able to be generous.
29. Putting plans with a friend in your Google calendar instead of hoping you both remember you said you were going to hangout sometime
Between work, kids, and chores, it can be hard to get time with even your closest friends. You’re not going to risk missing it because someone “flaked.”
30. Getting a good night’s rest is more important than fear of missing out
FOMO is real and it’s awful, but come on, nothing feels as good as waking up with energy and without a crushing hangover.