It’s normal for your sex drive to both increase and decrease throughout pregnancy for a variety of reasons, including hormonal changes and physical discomfort.
Feeling extra frisky after seeing that double line? While you may have thought becoming a parent would dry up your desire for sex, the reality can actually be quite the opposite.
There are a number of situations during pregnancy that can increase (or decrease) libido. Here’s more about what you might experience in each trimester, as well as some tips for how to cope with your new normal.
Yes, it certainly can.
For some, one of the first signs of pregnancy isn’t morning sickness or sore breasts, but feeling unexpectedly horny. If you’re suddenly giving your spouse sexy looks over morning coffee or finding it hard to focus on that TV show because you’re thinking about getting some action — you aren’t alone.
Even before you begin to show, pregnancy is a time of much physical change. Anything from the ever-rising estrogen and progesterone hormone levels to increased blood flow and sensitivity in the breasts and genitals may lead to higher levels of arousal.
First trimester
While you may be queasy and beyond tired in your first trimester, your hormones are skyrocketing by the day. This means that your breasts and nipples may feel larger and more sensitive. You may feel more emotionally connected to your partner.
There’s also something freeing about casting the birth control aside and just going at it, right? Plus, you likely don’t have much of a baby belly early on, so most sexual positions are still comfortable and safe. No wonder you can’t stop thinking about sex!
Second trimester
The discomforts of early pregnancy subside and the physical limitations of late pregnancy haven’t yet hit. The second trimester is truly the honeymoon period of pregnancy — and it may feel like a new honeymoon for your sex life as well.
Fast fact: Women gain a whopping three pounds of blood during pregnancy. Most of this blood ends up flowing through the lower half of your body. With all that extra flow, you may feel more in the mood than normal.
Not only that, but your orgasms may also feel more intense and — wait for it — you may even experience multiple orgasms during sexual activity.
Third trimester
With a larger belly and aches and pains, you’d think that sex would be the last thing on your mind in your third trimester. Not necessarily so. You may find your new, rounder shape makes you feel sexier than ever before. Body confidence can definitely equal an increased desire to get naked.
While
Sex may even be a nice reprieve as you not-so patiently wait for your little one to arrive. What’s that? Oh, yeah. You may have also heard that sex can induce labor.
There’s indeed some science backing sex as a labor-starting technique, but research is
Prostaglandins in semen may also help ripen the cervix, softening it to stretch. No need to worry, though — sex won’t get things moving if your body isn’t labor-ready already.
The answer here is also yes!
It’s completely normal to want absolutely nothing to do with sex at different points of pregnancy (or throughout the entire 9 months). One reason is that you may not feel quite your usual self.
In fact, studies on pregnancy and self-image reveal that women tend to have lower self-esteem in their second trimester and that body image perception can get “significantly worse” in the third trimester.
Other factors at play:
- With increasing estrogen and progesterone levels in the first trimester comes all the nausea, vomiting, and exhaustion. Having sex may sound more like a chore than something pleasurable.
- With all these changes and discomforts, your emotions may be all over the place. Getting in the mood when you’re already in a bad mood may feel impossible.
- Worrying that sex may cause miscarriage can squash libido as well. The good news here is that experts say sex does not cause pregnancy loss. Instead, miscarriage is typically due to underlying issues with the fetus.
- Increased sensitivity can make some women crave sex more. For others? It may feel downright uncomfortable or too intense.
- Cramping after orgasm is a real thing, and it can be unpleasant enough to make you shy away from the sheets.
- As you get closer to labor, you may have an increase in practice contractions and worry that having sex might set off labor prematurely.
Related: What bodily changes can you expect during pregnancy?
Sexual intercourse during pregnancy is indeed safe — provided you don’t have certain medical issues. Ask your doctor if there’s any reason you should abstain. If not, you can go at it as much as you’d like. Really!
Of course, you’ll want to contact your doctor if:
- You experience bleeding during or after sex.
- Your water has broken or you have leakage of unexplained fluid.
- You have an incompetent cervix (when your cervix opens prematurely).
- You have placenta previa (when the placenta covers part of all of your cervix).
- You have signs of preterm labor or a history of preterm birth.
Just a note: You may worry about cramping after sex. It’s a common occurrence, especially in the third trimester. Again, anything from nipple stimulation to orgasm to the prostaglandin hormones in your partner’s semen may be the cause.
The discomfort should ease up with rest. If not, get in touch with your doctor.
And while protecting against pregnancy is not a concern at this time (obviously!), you’ll want to continue using condoms to prevent STI transmission if you’re not in a monogamous relationship or if you choose to have sex with a new partner.
Whether you’re feeling like a sex goddess or, well, not at all that way, there are plenty of things you can do to address your needs. You may even find that your desire for sex fluctuates considerably from day to day. (Thanks, rising and falling hormone levels!)
Masturbation
You don’t need a partner to get yourself going. Self-stimulation can be relaxing and fun during pregnancy. And — the best part — you can do it whenever you want.
Masturbating is a good way to get familiar with your changing body. Pleasure may also help distract from some of the more unpleasant symptoms you’re experiencing, like morning sickness, back pain, leg and feet swelling, and other discomforts.
If you use sex toys, be sure to wash them thoroughly with each use and to be gentle when at play.
Other forms of intimacy
Not all sex has to involve penetration. You may want to hug or cuddle. Give a massage or just kiss.
There’s even something called mindful sex that hones in on something called “sensate focus,” the act of touching or being touched. This practice encourages sensuality versus sexuality.
To engage, you may be clothed or unclothed. Designate one partner to be the giver and one to be the receiver. From there, you might focus on how different touch at different tempos on different areas of the body feels.
Whatever you do, remember that sex is about intimacy. The physical sensations can be oh-so wonderful, but emotional connection is also gratifying.
Different sexual positions
Again, most sex positions are safe until you reach the fourth month of pregnancy. At this point, positions that have you lying flat on your back (missionary, for example) may become uncomfortable and put stress on important blood vessels that bring nutrients and oxygen to your baby. Experiment with what feels best.
You might try:
- Woman on top. Just as it sounds, this position lets you be in complete control while also freeing up your belly. You can set the pace to fast or slow or easily move into other positions this way.
- Woman on all fours. Position yourself on your hands and knees and let your belly hang. This position tends to work best in the first and second trimester, before your belly gets too heavy.
- Sideways or spooning. For some extra support in later pregnancy, try laying sideways with your partner entering from behind. This position takes the pressure off your already taxed joints and belly, and lets you relax. You may also use pillows to adjust support.
Lubricants
You may feel a lot of natural wetness during pregnancy. If not, a good lubricant can help get things slick and comfortable. Your skin may also be particularly sensitive during this time, so you’ll want to look for water-based lubes that don’t irritate or lead to infection.
Communication
Talk with your partner often about how you’re feeling with regard to your sex life. Want more? Communicate that. Need to back off? Bring it up for discussion. If talking about sex is uncomfortable, trying bringing it up with an “I feel” statement to get going.
For example, “I feel nauseous and extra tired lately. I’m not feeling up to sex right now.” Once you get the line of communication open, you can both work together to find something that works for whatever stage you’re in.
Acceptance
Resist judging yourself for how you feel — horny or not. Pregnancy is just one season of your love life. How you feel is constantly evolving and will continue to evolve for the rest of your lifetime as different conditions and situations come and go.
Try to go with the flow, enjoy the ride for what it is, and be sure to reach out for support if you feel you need it. Sometimes just chatting with a good friend can help you feel less alone.
If you’re feeling super sexy, you may as well take advantage of the extra sensations that pregnancy provides. Whether you’re getting frisky with a partner or just spending some time on your own pleasure, allow yourself time to enjoy your body.
Each pregnancy is different, so try to remember that your desire for lovemaking is unique to your experience at this moment.
There’s no right or wrong way to go about a sexual relationship during pregnancy. The key is to keep the line of communication open with your partner and to find something that works for you.
