Guilt is one of many emotions possible in postpartum depression (PPD). Seeking professional support, learning to challenge guilty thoughts, and connecting with others who share your experience can help you cope.
Postpartum depression (PPD) is a type of depression occurring during the postpartum period. It typically occurs in the first
PPD is not to be confused with the “baby blues,” which only last a few days. PPD is a mental health condition. It comes with all the same symptoms of depression but with a parental theme.
Inappropriate guilt is one of many possible experiences in PPD. Feeling like you’re a “bad” parent or that you’ve given your baby a poor start in life are common examples of PPD guilt. Some people with PPD feel guilty for needing or wanting self-care breaks or feel guilty about not being constantly happy.
If you’re living with PPD and experiencing persistent feelings of guilt, the right coping strategies and professional guidance can help you manage your symptoms.
Postpartum depression is a mental health condition that comes with a wide range of physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms. While the exact cause of PPD is unclear, various factors are thought to play a role in its development, including:
- significant hormonal changes
- psychological influences
- genetics
- environmental stressors
Dr. Jessica Beachkofsky, a board certified psychiatrist and owner of Beach Health in Tampa, Florida, explains that guilt and shame in PPD can be linked to dysfunction in certain areas of the brain like the prefrontal cortex (PFC).
“In the PFC, the higher functioning part of the brain, there’s a mismatch between when you think you’ve accomplished a task with proficiency versus failed at it,” she explained.
“If your brain is constantly telling you that you didn’t do it right or check the box, it’s a setup for feeling like you’re not good enough. This leads to the spiral of [feelings about] never being able to be better, take care of your kids, be a good mom, and raise a respectable, happy human.”
In addition, Beachkofsky indicates that PPD can affect the default mode network (DMN), a network of brain regions most active when you’re at rest.
“The DMN is another brain area that goes a little wonky with postpartum depression,” she said.
“While this is usually a pleasant daydreaming area when your mind wanders and thinks about how great you and your life are, the negative mental/emotional skew that depression brings can lead to rumination and incessant focus on what’s bad about you and how come you can’t be better, like everyone else.”
Beachkofsky added that depression naturally causes a negative skew to thoughts and experiences that increase negative self-talk.
“The guilt ends up feeding itself and causing some of the negative outcomes mom was worried she’d cause in the first place. And then it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy she really feels she has a reason to feel guilty about!” she said.
Postpartum depression is common. It affects as many as
But there are several options to help you successfully cope with these feelings.
Speak up to your doctor
PPD is a treatable mental health condition. Your doctor can facilitate access to medications and other treatment options, like psychotherapy.
But voicing your concerns is the only way for your doctor to know if you need mental health support as you navigate parenthood.
Ask about treatment
Traditionally, PPD is treated using the same approaches as depression. It typically involves psychotherapy, like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and selective medication and antidepressant use.
New options are continuously being explored for PPD treatment. In
Your doctor can discuss current treatment options with you and can make recommendations or referrals to a mental health professional.
Seek out therapy
Psychotherapy for PPD focuses on restructuring unhelpful thoughts and behaviors and instilling beneficial coping strategies.
When it comes to guilt, specifically, psychotherapy can help you learn to recognize inappropriate guilt and reframe it, shifting your overall mindset into a more positive outlook.
“Once someone identifies a guilty or shameful thought, the best thing you could do is call it out as a problem-causer and flip it to a positive,” said Beachkofsky.
She gives the following example:
Guilty thought: Baby won’t stop crying, so it must mean that you’re a terrible mom because you can’t help her calm down.
Reframe: STOP. Focus on the fact that your baby was calm at some point. Recall a previous scenario where the crying had a reasonable cause. For example, 3 days ago, the same thing happened, and you figured out that your baby had a long hair wrapped around her finger. Or maybe your baby is teething (which isn’t your fault!).
Join a support group
Depression in any form can make you feel isolated and alone. But many people around the world live with depression, and PPD is common in early parenthood.
Joining a support group for PPD helps you connect with others who share similar experiences. They understand what PPD feels like, how it affects your life, and the different forms parental guilt and shame can take.
Support groups provide a sense of community and connection. They bring the opportunity to learn from others and share your thoughts in a safe environment, without fear of judgment.
Unnecessary guilt is common in postpartum depression. It’s a pervasive sense that you’re at fault or not good enough, without adequate cause. And as a new parent, it can feel like you’re doing a “bad” job or setting your baby up for failure.
But remember, guilt in PPD is not a true reflection of your parenting ability. It’s a symptom of a mental health condition. Speaking with your doctor, seeking treatment, and learning how to reframe guilty thoughts can help you cope with these feelings.