Before parenthood, you and your love were staying up until 3 a.m., going to late-night music shows, and travelling on a whim. After parenthood, though, you're hunkered down at home. Your new routine involves changing diapers, wiping vomit from your shirt, and chasing your baby across the floor.
If you're like every other parent in the world, you're probably worrying whether or not you're still cool. Here’s why:
1. You now go straight to the baby section of any department store, even when baby items aren’t on your shopping list. Adult sections, those are a thing?
2. “Netflix and chill” means your baby’s asleep by 9 p.m. and you can catch up on “Game of Thrones,” “How to Get Away with Murder,” “Sleepy Hollow,” and “The Americans.” Oh, who are you kidding? You fell asleep during the opening credits.
3. You consider staying up past 11 p.m. a wild night. Granted, that’s because you finally finished that mountain of laundry you started nine hours ago.
4. You mind your p’s and q’s (and s’s and f’s) in front of everyone, even when you’re at a football game. What in the H-E-double hockey sticks was that, Manning?
5. You now use baby nicknames to refer to nonbaby things without realizing it: “I’ll have an order of pancakeys with a side of bacon-wacon and some oaty-meal. Thank you.”
6. It’s not uncommon for a pair of baby socks to fall out of your pocket while you’re fishing for your wallet. You also have a pacifier, a baby hat, and two loose Skittles in there.
7. When you say you’re going to a block party, you literally mean a block party. Like the ones made by Fisher Price that your child just so happened to throw all over the living room floor.
8. You give your baby’s stuffed animals detailed backstories when you play with your baby. Frankie always wanted to be an acrobat, but the hippo couldn’t get over his fear of heights.
9. You’ve told your friends to watch “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” for its educational value. Your friends don’t have children.
10. And speaking of Daniel Tiger, you find yourself watching the children’s show way after your baby started their nap. It really is a good cartoon.
11. You hum the theme song to Disney Junior’s “Doc McStuffins” while the barista at your favorite local coffee shop makes your latte. And when she asks, you say it’s a new single from this Los Angeles tween pop band. She’s probably never heard of them.
12. You begin to debate the hidden philosophical meaning of “Pat the Bunny” after reading it to your baby for the eighth time. Who is Pat? Is Pat even real? Is any of this real? You need answers!
As a new parent, you may worry about your cool status. But you don't have to fret. Your little one thinks you're cool no matter what. And really, that's all that matters.