1. You can't decide which hurts more: Getting on the toilet or getting off... 2. You need a forklift to get in or out of a car. 3. Even though you think you're walking normally through the airport, you're probably not if a security guard offers you a wheelchair. 4. When someone wonders why you want one of those picker-upper appliance thingys, tell them it's to brush the cobwebs off the ceiling. 5. The next time you absently wrap your leg around the leg of a chair or hook it over a rung on a ladder, you’ll quickly remember why you shouldn't. 6. Turning over in bed requires a law of physics no one has discovered yet. 7. You'll learn the hand-over-hand technique for climbing up the refrigerator when you can't get up off the kitchen floor. 8. When you put your pants on backwards, you're tempted to leave them that way. 9. Your absolute favorite bathroom accessory is that big shiny grab-bar. 10. Your absolute least favorite bathroom accessory is that adorable little throw rug that matches the shower curtain. It’s evil. 11. When your knee buckles, it's perfectly acceptable to swear. 12. Allowing 5 or 10 extra minutes to do anything that requires movement. 13. One, two, buckle my shoe. PLEASE... 14. You wonder if salon pedicures are covered by insurance. They should be. 15. You know it’s okay to slow down. You're not in a hurry. 16. If you look good in shorts, keep wearing them. You don't need to cover up OA. 17. When someone asks what you want for your birthday, you answer “A case of Tylenol.” 18. Curbs and stairs are projects from the devil's workshop. Ramps, escalators, and elevators were invented by angels. 19. You need to stretch your legs every 15 minutes, even during a concert when it will annoy everyone around you. 20. Trying to reach all the stuff in the top cupboard is bad enough, but trying to reach the bottom cupboard, shelf, or drawer requires deep knee bends. Are you kidding? 21. Eau de Ben-Gay. Nobody wears it just for the smell of it. 22. You love the pool and the hot tub. Until you try to get out. 23. You walk like Charlie Chaplin. 24. You have to say “bye-bye” to all those gorgeous shoes in your closet. But you get to keep the matching purses!! 25. Someone asks what that thing in the microwave is and you tell them it's the hot pad for your knee. And don't eat the bag of frozen peas… that’s the icepack for your knee. 26. Kids keep wanting to stick their finger in the hole of your neoprene knee brace. 27. Getting dressed is an Olympic sport. As is getting undressed. 28. You dream about kicking a football or doing the jitterbug. 29. You don't complain, but you sigh a lot.