You might find that a different sexual or romantic orientation better describes your experience or that attraction ebbs and flows over time. In some cases, certain underlying conditions or medications could cause a shift in desire.

Figuring out your orientation isn’t always clear-cut. If you find that you’re not attracted to anyone but don’t identify with the term “asexual,” it’s natural to have questions.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by little or no sexual attraction to others. But the asexual spectrum includes varying experiences.

Know that wherever you are on the spectrum of attraction, you’re not alone, and exploring your feelings can provide meaningful insights.

If you don’t feel attracted to anyone but don’t think you’re asexual, it could be that you:

  • are graysexual, meaning you sometimes experience sexual attraction but less frequently than most people or only under specific conditions
  • are aromantic but not asexual, meaning that you can experience sexual attraction but not romantic attraction
  • are experiencing difficulties with sexual health, inhibited sexual desire, or loss of libido (which is not the same as being asexual)
  • aren’t in the mental or emotional space to feel attracted to someone right now
  • haven’t met anyone that has piqued your interest

No matter why you’re not experiencing attraction, it’s important to know you’re not alone. You certainly wouldn’t be the first nonasexual person in this situation.

Still, exploring the “why” can be helpful in determining your next steps. For example, if you have a low libido and it’s bothering you, you could get medical advice.

If you figure out that you’re graysexual or aromantic, it might be helpful to explore that identity and connect with others who identify the same way you do.

Romantic attraction is a desire for emotional closeness, partnership, and connection. Sexual attraction, on the other hand, involves a desire for physical intimacy.

You can learn more by reading our article about different types of attraction.

It’s possible to be aromantic but not asexual — meaning you can experience sexual attraction but not romantic attraction. This is an example of “cross-orientation” or “mixed-orientation,” which is where your romantic and sexual orientations are different.

Consider these questions to reflect on what you’re feeling:

  • Do you desire close, emotional relationships without feeling the need for physical intimacy?
  • Is it about physical closeness, emotional bonding, or both when you imagine intimacy with another person?
  • Are you attracted to specific qualities or personalities of people but not to their physical forms?
  • When you’re attracted to people — platonically or otherwise — what about them attracts you?
  • Do you feel different types of attraction toward different genders?

Reflecting on these questions can help you discern if your feelings align more with romantic attraction, sexual attraction, both, or neither.

Sexual behavior is also nuanced, with a spectrum encompassing everything from solo activities to partnered sex. Your sexual behavior and preferences may change over time and in different contexts.

Consider asking yourself:

  • Does the thought of intimacy appeal to you as a concept, but less so in practice with partners?
  • Is your lack of attraction exclusive to one partner or all partners?
  • Does your attraction or lack thereof change based on the level of emotional closeness you feel with someone?
  • Do you feel inclined toward sexual activity for your own enjoyment or to satisfy your partner?
  • Is sexual activity only appealing to you under specific circumstances, like when you’ve been in a long-term relationship or when you want to make your partner happy?
  • Do you generally prefer to enjoy physical pleasure alone (that is, by masturbating) rather than with a partner?

These questions can help you figure out your preferences.

Health conditions can influence your sexual desire. For instance, heart disease or hormonal changes could cause low libido. Medications like antidepressants and chemotherapy drugs can also take a toll on your libido.

Your mental health can also affect sexual desire. For example, your libido might decrease if you’re experiencing depression, chronic stress, or a trauma response.

You might find it helpful to ask yourself:

  • Did your lack of attraction appear suddenly or gradually?
  • Do you notice changes in your attraction level following new medications or treatment plans?
  • Does your medical history include conditions known to affect sexual desire?
  • Have you recently undergone significant life changes that could affect your mental or physical health?
  • Is your lack of attraction accompanied by other symptoms like fatigue, emotional numbness, or shifts in mood?

If any of these scenarios sound familiar, it’s worth considering whether your medical history could be a contributing factor.

Your unique experience with attraction is valid — if you feel at ease with your experience, that’s all that matters. Everyone has a different relationship with sexuality and attraction.

Asexuality and aromanticism aren’t medical conditions, nor are they problems to solve. Still, if you’re struggling to come to terms with your orientation, it may be helpful to speak with an LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist.

If you suspect you have an underlying medical condition that’s affecting your sexual function, consider speaking with a primary care doctor, sex therapist, or other healthcare professional.

A doctor may review your medical history to understand the potential effects of medication or illness, while a sex therapist can provide a safe space to talk through your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

Ultimately, your journey is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Wherever you are on the spectrum of attraction, be kind to yourself.

Sian Ferguson is a freelance health and cannabis writer based in Cape Town, South Africa. She’s passionate about empowering readers to take care of their mental and physical health through science-based, empathetically delivered information.