29 Things Only Someone with Severe Migraines Would Understand
Written by Delaney Ashdale and Ralph Bardeaux on February 26, 2015
1. You know it’s way, way more than just a “bad headache.”
2. You heard about how doctors used to drill holes into patients’ heads and thought: “Maybe that’s not a terrible idea…”
3. A bird chirping is not your idea of a pleasant morning.
4. You don’t need a near-death experience to “see the light.”
5. You don’t need to ride the Tea Cups at Disneyland to feel horribly dizzy.
6. You’ve spent enough time sitting in dark rooms alone that you feel like a less exciting Batman.
7. You blurt out “No!” before someone can finish asking “Are you sure it’s not —”
8. That dog that won’t stop barking next door sounds like it has a gateway to your brain.
9. Just looking at a jackhammer makes your head bang.
10. You often struggle to concentrate, but don’t have ADHD.
11. There are painkillers, and then there are pills that actually kill the pain.
12. Unlike granola, migraines are the worst when they come in clusters.
13. It’s like giving birth without any joy, just pain.
14. There’s nothing silent about a “silent” migraine.
15. Drinking to dull the pain only makes your head hurt more.
16. Coffee is not the best part of waking up.
17. You know how exhausting it is to run a marathon, even though you’ve never actually run one.
18. Smells can make a severe migraine worse, so don’t even THINK about coming over here with that popcorn or salami, pal.
19. Then again, migraines can sometimes make you crave weird food and – Hey, where are you going with that salami?!
20. They sometimes start with a euphoric feeling, which is like being handed a lollipop before being hit by a truck.
21. A severe migraine can make you so tired that … oh forget it, I’m too exhausted to think of a punch line.
22. Your face can go numb when you have a severe migraine, so now your head hurts and you’re drooling. Great.
23. A really bad one can make you turn as pale as a vampire. Only you won’t live forever or run really fast.
24. You’re pretty sure a bomb shelter isn’t quiet and dark enough.
25. Someone has suggested an orgasm as a cure. Nice try, Don Juan. Now pull your pants back up.
26. A severe migraine can bring on speech disturbances. And your co-worker's laughter at your sudden Cajun accent really doesn't help things.
27. The auras get so bad that you feel like you're hallucinating. And not in the fun, Burning Man kind of way.
28. Severe migraines can last a week or more, so when you feel one coming on, you know that you can write off the rest of the month.
29. After a really bad migraine, you always suspect another one is hiding right around the corner, like a sneaky, uncool ninja.