Is there a difference between loneliness and solitude?

Absolutely, says Kirsten Neuschäfer, a long-distance solo sailing expert.

In her day job transporting boats, Neuschäfer routinely sails solo across the ocean, sometimes for more than 30 days at a time.

Now she’s preparing for a sailing race that will see her alone at sea for almost 300 days with very little contact with the outside world. That said, she’s not worried about getting lonely.

For Neuschäfer, being alone means peace and satisfaction rather than negative thoughts and feelings.

If you find yourself resisting solitude, there are ways to learn to embrace it and reap the benefits of quality time alone.

What’s the difference between loneliness and solitude?

According to Thuy-vy Nguyen, assistant professor of quantitative social psychology at the University of Durham, there’s a clear line between loneliness and solitude.

Nguyen specializes in the study of solitude and social well-being. She defines solitude simply as the experience of being alone. In contrast, loneliness is a subjective emotion that’s always negative.

Characteristics of loneliness

Loneliness is a unique condition that happens when an individual sees themself as socially isolated.

As Nguyen explains, feelings of loneliness occur when there’s a difference between a person’s expectation of what their social life should be like compared with the reality of what it’s really like.

Importantly, you can experience loneliness even when you’re not alone.

A 2019 study revealed that even though young adults had a larger social network than late middle-aged adults, they reported feeling lonely and isolated for twice as many days.

A 2020 study of adolescents in Holland also showed that loneliness is often linked to self-esteem and can be influenced by your perception of how much you mean to the people around you.

Loneliness can be made worse by feelings of “anti-mattering,” defined as when you feel invisible or insignificant to other people. A 2020 study of 172 undergraduate students found that increased feelings of anti-mattering were linked to higher levels of loneliness.

Characteristics of solitude

Unlike loneliness, solitude doesn’t have to be negative or positive.

Experiences of solitude often depend on the circumstances and can vary across cultures and demographics.

“Solitude might have many different flavors for different people,” says Nguyen.

Positive experiences of solitude are usually linked to choice, says Nguyen. Being forced into solitude, like when a child is put in time-out, tends to be a negative experience.

According to her research, solitude can lead to relaxation and reduced stress when people choose to be alone. Research from 2019 has also shown that solitude can be beneficial for self-exploration, creativity, and self-renewal.

A 2021 study found that in the case of adolescents, spending time alone is just as important as spending time with others. Solitary activities like hobbies and art are more likely to make solitude enjoyable for adolescents.

Solo sailing

In Neuschäfer’s eyes, there’s a very big difference between loneliness and solitude.

As a long-distance sailing expert, she’s used to being far away from family and friends. The longest she’s spent alone at sea was 67 days.

“In a 2-month period of solitude, you kind of get into the groove,” says Neuschäfer. “You kind of get to that point where you’ve absolutely accepted and actually come to appreciate the fact that you’re alone.”

For Neuschäfer, there’s a sense of peace that comes from being completely alone. In fact, the times when she feels most lonely are when she’s surrounded by other people.

“For me, loneliness is a totally different feeling,” says Neuschäfer. “When you’re in and amongst people in a big city and everyone’s in a big rush, no one’s talking to you and you’re all running the rat race, that’s when I feel loneliness.”

However, Neuschäfer also cautions that you need to know your own limits. For her, it’s simply a case of getting used to being alone. But it’s not always the same for everyone.

For Nguyen, COVID-19 has meant that she now tries to be more mindful about when she needs to be alone and when she needs company.

“I live with a partner and we both work from home during lockdown,” she says. “I do vocalize my desire and need to have my own space and time, sometimes quite assertively.”

Like Neuschäfer, she agrees that solitude has a role to play in our life as much as having strong connections to other people.