I work with many midlife women to help them establish their brand and build their confidence. Some of the most common questions I’m asked involve how to keep things going in the bedroom after menopause.

My advice is this: When you know what you want and pursue it with genuine passion and curiosity, you’ll be wildly turned on. And, you’ll look sexy as hell while doing it.

The trouble is, we’re not conditioned to ask ourselves what we want. By midlife, we’ve spent so many years working and providing that we’ve lost touch with our desires, in every aspect of life. To liven things up in the bedroom, I suggest you just start there and then see where it leads.

Self-love and exploration are gateway drugs to passionate sex. When you take time alone to explore and experiment, you’ll know what pleasures you. Then, you’ll be able to guide your partner through the process.

It’s understandable to feel awkward about exploring your body, but practice makes everything easier and better. If you can, use a mirror during your self-exploration. Allowing yourself to be seen will help your confidence to soar.

Your personal sessions will help you learn your desires. But the fun comes when you’re able to ask for what you want and show your partner how to get you there.

Asking for what you want is incredibly empowering, and it can be a turn-on, too.

Our bodies change as we age. One of those changes is a lack of lubrication. Help things along by buying a lubricating gel or cream and engaging in a little self-stimulation. Getting in the mood beforehand can make or break a night in the bedroom with your partner. When you’re fully engaged and ready to go, anything can happen.

Menopause can bring on tons of feelings about our bodies. We’re not always kind to ourselves as things shift or change with age. But nothing will enhance your sex life more than self-love and acceptance.

Start by focusing on the parts of your body you do love, and play them up. If you’ve got a great bust, don’t hide it! If your thighs are rocking, wear something that shows them off. Every part of your body is fair game. Take the time to find what you love, and then demonstrate that love. If you love it, your partner will love it, too.

One of the best pieces of advice I have for public speaking is to understand your audience wants you to succeed. They’re there for the show. They want it to be good, too.

The same is true in the bedroom. Your partner wants you to rock it. Your pleasure is your partner’s pleasure. Your success is your partner’s success. Once you understand this, you’ll feel free to really engage.

The key to great sex is getting in touch with what you want, and giving yourself permission have it. Pursue it with gusto. Desire, my friend, is amazingly sexy. Don’t be afraid to discover yours and let your partner know what you yearn for.

Juju Hook is the author of “Hot Flashes, Carpools, and Dirty Martinis,” and a brand strategist and coach for women in midlife. To download her free guide on how self-talk shuts down possibilities and sign up for regular doses of wisdom, click here.