Insomnia is not fun to live with, but it can make for a good punch line every now and then.

1. You've had so many infomercial items delivered to your house you could open your own “As Seen on TV” store.

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2. You lie awake in bed all night, and then go to work for a full day asleep.

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3. You can never get your room quite dark enough to sleep.

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4. You can never get your room quite quiet enough to sleep.

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5. You develop sleep rituals so complex and obsessive that they stop you from sleeping.

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6. You know that no matter how many nights in a row you watch them, the infomercials won’t get any better.

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7. Not sleeping for two days makes it look like you have a serious substance abuse problem.

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8. You watch “The Walking Dead” and find yourself sympathizing with the walkers.

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9. You know that enough caffeine will keep you from not falling asleep at work, but even then you’ll be too tired to be productive.

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10. You sometimes fall asleep on the toilet.

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11. Lying very still in the dark, not making any noise because you don't want to scare the sleep away.

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12. You know there’s nothing worse than staring at your alarm clock at 6:59 a.m. after a night without sleep.

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13. Actually, there is: staring again when it goes off at 7:00 a.m. after getting exactly one full minute of sleep.

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14. Why birds have to make so much noise at four in the morning.

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15. Your mind never stops talking to you when you’re trying to fall asleep.

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16. And right when you’re finally about to fall asleep, your mind shouts: “You failed your algebra exam! What are you going to tell Mom?”

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17. You’ve counted so many sheep at night that they’ve unionized and asked for a raise.

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18. You wonder if your own snoring might be keeping you awake.

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19. The only comfortable place to sleep is on the bus.

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20. You’re so fidgety at night that your partner makes you sleep on the couch, which is too uncomfortable to sleep on.

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21. Your longest and most lucid conversations are with your cat, who also can’t sleep.

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22. Your doctor makes you participate in a sleep study in a scary hospital, which is so scary you can’t sleep.

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23. You can get pretty drunk without drinking.

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24. You accidentally drink a caffeinated drink late at night and then cry.

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25. When you get really tired during the day, you go watch a bad film, and sleep through the entire thing.

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26. You cultivate friends around the world online, so you can talk to them when everybody else is asleep in your time zone.

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27. You shop for groceries exclusively at 7-Eleven because it’s the only place open in the middle of the night.

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28. You worry that if you had surgery the anesthesiologist wouldn’t be able to put you to sleep.

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29. Watching that episode of “The Simpsons” when Groundskeeper Willie hits himself on the head with a hammer in order to sleep, and wondering if that might work.

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