Despite what your sex ed teacher — if you even had one! — may have told you, taking care of your sexual health isn’t limited to STI tests, HPV vaccines, and learning to put a condom on a banana.

It’s also about screening for other conditions, identifying your “hang-ups,” how you communicate with your partner(s), and so much more.

You know how you can get the most from a device by learning all you can about it, how it works, and how to maintain it, right? Samesies when it comes to your body.

Learning about your body raises your awareness and acceptance of it, so you get more pleasure from it, and your partner’s — if you choose to go there.

This entails:

When it comes to sex, YOU are the only person who can decide what’s right for you.

That goes for:

  • whether you have sex at all
  • what your boundaries are
  • how you protect yourself

Consider the following.

What ‘active’ looks like to you

It’s about more than just P-in-V sex.

Being sexually active can involve non-penetrative sex, like:

Which activities you consent to

No one should do anything they aren’t comfortable with. Establish boundaries when it comes to what you will and won’t do with your partner(s) and learn how to ask for consent, too.

Your contraceptive needs, if any

If you’re going to engage in any type of sex and want to prevent pregnancy, knowing the risk of pregnancy involved with any activity is a must.

If you have a uterus and ovaries and are having P-in-V sex, it’s up to you to learn about birth control options and choose which one’s right for you.

If you have a penis and are having P-in-V sex with a partner who can get pregnant, talk to your partner about contraception.

STI protection

If you want to prevent STIs — which you totally should — get in the know about your individual risk for each STI, as well as your options for safer sex supplies, like barrier protection and lube.

Have the safer sex convo with your partner(s) before you proceed, including your STI status — more on that coming right up! — and expectations so you’re both informed and on the same page.

As promised, we’re getting into STI screening here, along with other preventive services to help you play safe and stay healthy.

Screenings

Many common STIs are asymptomatic, and more than half of American adults will contract an STI at some point.

Screening can help prevent the transmission of STIs and reduce your risk for complications through early prevention and treatment.

Which STIs you get tested for and when depends on your individual risk factors. Your healthcare provider can make recommendations based on your situation.

This may include:

Vaccines

Vaccines can help to prevent contracting certain STIs.

Currently there are vaccines available for:

  • HPV, recommended for most people ages 9 to 45 years old
  • Hepatitis B, recommended for those with more than one sex partner, anyone who’s been treated for another STI, and for penis-having folks who have sex with other penis-havers
  • Hepatitis A, recommended for penis-having folks who have sex with other penis-havers

Counseling

Sure, the internet is full of amazing resources for information on sex — thankyouverymuch — but certain concerns are better addressed by a professional.

This includes things like:

We get it: Talking to your healthcare provider about what’s going on in the bedroom or ~down there~ isn’t always easy. The remedy for that is finding a provider you feel comfortable with and taking a deep breath.

There are a number of different providers who can help you with different sexual health concerns. Here’s a rundown of your options:

Primary care providers

Family doctors, general practitioners, and nurse practitioners are trained to care for the entire body and are a great starting point when it comes to your sexual health. If needed, they can refer you to a specialist.

Specialists

Obstetricians and gynecologists (OB/GYNs), women’s health nurse practitioners, and urologists focus on reproductive health.

Some offer sexual health counseling, as well as treatment for conditions affecting the reproductive system.

Mental health professionals

Therapists (including sex therapists), psychologists, counselors, social workers, and psychiatrists can address emotional and mental health issues related to sexual problems.

Examples are:

Sexual health educators

You can find health educators in schools and colleges, clinics, and community programs.

They can offer sexual health counseling and information to help you make informed decisions when it comes to your sexual well-being.

What to look for in a provider

Sharing your most intimate deets is a lot easier when you find the right provider.

Look for a provider who:

  • makes you feel at ease
  • listens to you
  • is respectful
  • answers your questions and addresses your concerns in a helpful way
  • asks permission before performing any exams
  • explains what they’re doing and why
  • supports your right to make decisions about your sexual healthcare based on your values

Steer clear of a provider who:

  • makes you feel uncomfortable
  • makes assumptions about your sexual preferences or behaviors
  • is judgmental about your choices, questions, or concerns
  • disrespects you in any way, including your sexual preferences or orientation
  • doesn’t take your concerns seriously
  • denies you care or treatment because of your sexual orientation or preferences

Your provider’s going to have questions, and you can expect some of them to seem quite personal. Learning about your sexual history and behavior is crucial to providing you with the best care.

Expect them to ask things like:

  • Are you or have you ever been sexually active?
  • Do you have sex with vulva-owners only, penis-owners only, or both?
  • How many people have you had sex with?
  • Do you have vaginal, anal, or oral sex?
  • Are you or your partner trying to get pregnant?
  • Are you or your partner using contraception? If so, what are you using?
  • Do you practice safer sex? If so, how are you protecting yourself?
  • Have you been tested for STIs, including HIV?
  • Would you like to be tested?
  • Have you or your partner ever tested positive for an STI? If so, which one(s)?
  • Were you or your partner treated?
  • Are you happy with your sex life?
  • Do you have any concerns about your sexual functioning?
  • Do you or your partner use alcohol or drugs when you have sex?
  • Have you ever been pressured or coerced to have sex or do something you didn’t want to?

Don’t be shy! Feel free to ask your provider questions about any sexual health topics that you’re looking for help with. This can include questions about STIs, contraception, fertility, or sexual performance.

Here are some examples of questions you might ask:

  • Based on my sexual history, which STIs should I be tested for? Should my partner get tested, too?
  • How often should I be screened for STIs?
  • What exams or screenings are recommended for my age? (For example, mammograms, prostate exams, etc.)
  • What other tests are you giving me and how are they done?
  • When will I get my results? How will I get them?
  • What are the most effective forms of birth control?
  • What type of birth control is best for me and what side effects can I expect?
  • How and where can I get affordable contraceptives?
  • I’m not always happy with how my partner treats me — can we talk about that?
  • Can you tell me why sex doesn’t feel as good for me as it used to?

You know your body better than anyone. Paying attention to how you feel can help alert you to when something’s off and help your provider get to the bottom of it.

Pay attention to how you feel on your own and with a partner — and not just below the belt. Consider your entire body and your mind and look at how your emotions and behaviors might be related.

For example:

You know the old saying about doing unto others? It applies to your sex life, too.

You should treat your partners well and expect the same in return.

This involves:

  • healthy and honest communication
  • respecting each other’s boundaries
  • making each other feel safe
  • not engaging in or putting up with unacceptable behavior, like verbal, emotional, or physical abuse

Good sexual health is about taking care of your body, yourself, and your partner(s) so you can enjoy better mental and physical health, positive relationships, and a satisfying sex life. Yes, yes, and oh yes!


Adrienne Santos-Longhurst is a Canada-based freelance writer and author who has written extensively on all things health and lifestyle for more than a decade. When she’s not holed-up in her writing shed researching an article or off interviewing health professionals, she can be found frolicking around her beach town with husband and dogs in tow or splashing about the lake trying to master the stand-up paddle board.