Everything you didn’t learn in school, but should have
Questions about sex essentially top the list of most awkward conversation points. We are a society hell-bent on keeping sexuality in the dark. Knowledge is power, but apparently not when it comes to sex.
“This is one of the biggest problems in our society because we don’t have healthy, open, and nonjudgmental discussions about sex. Not discussing sex makes it seem shameful, dirty, and taboo,” Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist tells Healthline. “Many people are uncomfortable having these discussions because of their own hang-ups, struggles with self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, and fear of how they will be viewed by others.”
Luckily, we have answers to some of your most burning, puzzling questions. We’ve all been there. It’s not like you learned this stuff in school.
Here are some of the top sex questions you’re too afraid to ask, answered.
1. Is the G-spot a real thing?
Oh, the ever elusive G-spot: The confusion and terror of the sexually repressed masses. Dr. Wendy Goodall McDonald, MD, a board-certified OB-GYN tells Healthline that anatomically speaking, the G-spot actually does not exist. Of course, this isn’t the whole answer — which high-key makes the G-spot so befuddling.
As pioneering sex researcher Dr. Beverly Whipple discovered, the G-spot isn’t its own thing, it’s part of the clitoral network. When arousing the G-spot, you’re actually stimulating the apex of the clitoris — the backend — internally.
“It can be difficult for some women to find this area. This doesn’t mean that the individual is broken or flawed, it’s just that they haven’t been able to connect and experience pleasure from this area being stimulated,” says Overstreet.
You can locate the “G-spot” by inserting a wand toy or finger into the vaginal canal and lifting upward in a rocking horse motion. It’s less of a “spot” and more of an area. It’s a patch of spongy tissue near the urethral sponge.
For some people, it feels great to have this area stimulated and for others — not so much. It’s all about preference and self-exploration.
2. How do women have orgasms during sex?
Much of orgasmic pleasure comes from the clitoris. We’ve got to stop putting so much pressure on women to come during penetration.
“The majority of women experience an orgasm through clitoral stimulation during sex. This is due to the number of nerve endings in the clitoral area. This stimulation whether by hand, finger, or toy can produce an orgasm during penetrative sex,” Overstreet tells us.
Every woman has unique experiences during sex. Some women can have orgasms through the G-spot alone, but most cannot. “Some can have an orgasm with the G-spot. Some can have an orgasm through the movement of the clitoris during sex. Every woman is a little different. A little special,” Goodall McDonald tells us.
The key to pleasure? Knowing your body and being aware of what sensations feel good to you.
3. Does size really matter?
It’s on the tip of the tongue of every man: Is my penis too small?
The jury is still out on this one, but experts believe that in certain cases, the size of the penis can certainly play a pivotal role in pleasure. “Women with larger vulva may need a larger penis to reach the stimulation needed [to] arouse the clitoris. Also for women who experience G-spot arousal, a man with a smaller penis may not be able to reach and stimulate it,” Goodall McDonald says. “Conversely, a woman with a shorter vagina may have difficulty or pain receiving a larger penis.”
The average penis size is 5-6 inches. That being said, there are definitely ways to make penetrative sex amazing, regardless of size. Want some tips? Check this out. And keep in mind, there’s such a thing as too big, too.
4. Is masturbation healthy?
Masturbation is a great way to explore your body and discover your pleasure threshold. How are you supposed to tell someone what you want if you don’t know what feels good?
Of course, the question is: Can you masturbate too much and break your penis/clitoris?
This is a myth. Overstreet says that it’s about changing up your routine. “If you begin to notice that you are losing sensitivity or feeling numb, you may want to take a break from the current way you are masturbating. If you always use a vibrator, then change it up and use your fingers or another toy. You can’t masturbate too much, but changing your approach is a great way to experience a new sensation.”
5. How deep is a vagina supposed to be?
Many women are self-conscious about their vaginal canals. There’s a lot of pressure to be “tight” and an equal amount of pressure on men to be able to “fill up” the whole barrel.
The vaginal canal varies in length and when aroused, it can expand exponentially. “This is why foreplay is so important for many women, especially when they have baseline shorter canals. The vaginal canal can be anywhere from 3-4 inches long at rest, but I’ve seen women whose vaginas were more like 6-7 inches,” Goodall McDonald says.
The vagina is much like a sock being held together by an elastic band. It can stretch out and then return to a normal size. On that lovely note, there’s no such thing as getting “loose” from too much sex. The only thing that makes a vagina droop is time and age.
Now there are ways to gain more control of your vaginal muscles, if this is something you’re interested in doing. If you want to tighten up your PC muscles (for both men and women), read this and then read this.
Gigi Engle is a writer, sex educator, and speaker. Her work has appeared in many publications including Marie Claire, Glamour, Women’s Health, Brides, and Elle Magazine. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.