If there’s a tiny part of you thinking “ouch” during sex, then it’s time to revisit your bedroom strategy. Sex should never be uncomfortable… except maybe in that hilariously awkward way.
Even if position A worked for your previous partner, your new S.O. is going to be undeniably different. How their personal taste aligns with yours will determine comfortable or painful sex. In fact, if one position wasn’t so hot last time with partner C, it’s okay to try again with partner D. This time, just incorporate our enhanced-for-comfort-and-satisfaction sex positions below.
With these how-tos, we’ve kept clitoral stimulation (and your pleasure) at the forefront. The only prep you need to do — and this is true before every kind of penetration with any partner — is communicate and lubricate! Vaginal lubrication helps significantly reduce friction and discomfort (and it’s perfectly okay to use lube) and paves the way for fulfilling sex.
1. Sizzling missionary
Let go of any old memories of those innocent times when somewhat rhythmic up and down was all you knew about sex. Instead, create a new experience of the classic missionary. In place of widening your legs, have your partner’s legs straddle your body, permitting for mutual genital touching. This works great because it isn’t dependent on size but on the connection you and your partner have.
2. Sitting on pillow top
Take your favorite pillow, and place it underneath your pelvis for increased support. Bend your knees, bring your pelvis upward, and spread your legs apart enough to allow for thrusting. What’s fantastic about this position is that it allows you to control the depth of penetration and promotes clitoral stimulation.
3. Riding into the sunset
Take control and get on top. This position is ideal for some cozy times because it allows for intimate kissing and eye gazing, and permits you to create the rhythm you most enjoy. Not only will you be able to position your clitoris to your liking and increase sexual pleasure, but you can also rock your pelvis back and forth to create a comfortable rhythm.
4. Lean into me
Find a wall or table to lean against. Face each other and choose who will hold each other’s butts, and hook their leg around the other person’s leg for support. Stimulate each other, by rubbing your clitoris against your partner’s genitals, and then create a comfortable rhythm whereby you’re able to move your body closer or away.
5. Side cuddle
You can either face each other, or position yourself to permit entry from behind. If you’re facing your partner, you can take reign of your sex toy or the penis shaft and create the angle and thrust you desire. In the rear entry position, use your buttocks to control the speed and have your partner remain still, while you move at your own pace and control the depth.
6. The duo
Pair your favorite position with self-pleasure by incorporating the way you like to feel good simultaneously. If you’re used to self-stimulating your clitoris while lying on your back, with or without a sex toy, then do just that while inviting your partner to touch your breasts or kiss you. Creating this duo sensation can be dynamite.
7. The rabbit
Who said that sex toys are only for solo play? Dust off your favorite vibrator and show it to your partner. Plan to use it next time by directly applying clitoral stimulation while you experiment with different positions.
Use the different vibration settings to increase your pleasure or tease one another. Try holding off on orgasming until you’re unable to hold back. The most important thing, overall, when adding a new sex toy, is that you both communicate about anything and everything — especially on what feels good to each other.
8. The boycott
If you’ve tried everything, and you’re still experiencing pain — especially with penetration — then it’s time to boycott penetration for a little bit. To substitute, practice sensate focus exercises. Keep the focus on cultivating sensual touch, erotic massage, and pleasure instead of performance.
To spice things up during this break, you could give 69 a try. Simply, go on your back and have your significant other’s mouth face your genitals, while you find your mouth to theirs. Take the time to enjoy exploring each other.
With a sex-positive attitude, an open mind, lots of sexual communication, and enough lube, you’ll discover that there are many ways to sex-plore and sex-periment with your significant other. But before you go and try any new positions, remember that the best type of sex is the type where the exchange of feelings and desires are expressed freely, and the pressure to perform is left for the sports arena.
Janet Brito is an AASECT-certified sex therapist who also has a license in clinical psychology and social work. She completed her postdoctoral fellowship from the University of Minnesota Medical School, one of only a few university programs in the world dedicated to sexuality training. Currently, she’s based in Hawaii, and is the founder of the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health. Brito has been featured on many outlets, including The Huffington Post, Thrive, and Healthline. Reach out to her through her website or on Twitter.