If there’s a tiny part of you thinking “ouch” during sex, then it’s time to revisit your bedroom strategy. Sex should never hurt… unless that’s what you’re into!
Even if a position worked with a previous partner, that might not be the case with the next. Different sizes, different techniques, and changing bodies and tastes are just some of the things we contend with when it comes to sex.
The solution? Our enhanced-for-comfort-and-satisfaction sex positions. All you need to do is communicate and lubricate!
Let go of any old memories of those innocent times, when somewhat rhythmic up and down and in and out was all you knew about sex. Instead, create a new experience of the classic missionary for vaginal or anal penetration with minor adjustments.
For P-in-V or dildo-in-V sex, in place of widening your legs, have your partner’s legs straddle your body to allow for mutual genital touching. The extra sensation can up arousal — and wetness — for a more enjoyable experience. It also limits how deep they can go, which can help prevent pain.
Laying on pillow top
Lie over a pillow, placing your pelvis over it for increased support. Bend your knees so that you can bring your pelvis upward and spread your legs enough to allow for vaginal or anal entry.
Not only does this position let you adjust as needed to control the depth, but it also gives you a pillow under the sweet spot for rubbing your clit or penis against.
Riding into the sunset
Take control and get on top. This position is ideal for some cozy times because it allows for intimate kissing and eye gazing. As far as comfort goes, you get to dictate the rhythm and depth of penetration, so rock your pelvis back and forth or up and down as feels good.
Lean forward or back as needed to accommodate anal or vaginal entry and use your hands for support if you need to.
Lean into me
Standing sex doesn’t require the great feat of strength you might think. All you need is a table or wall to lean against.
Face each other, hook your leg around theirs for support, bring your genitals together, and create a comfortable rhythm. If you can find a comfortable angle for penetration, have at it. If not, the gentle-as-you-want grinding of your genitals can be just as erotic and even O-inducing.
Lying on your side already provides a comfortable starting point that lets you either face each other for vaginal penetration or spoon for vaginal or anal.
If facing each other, reach down and take reign of their strap-on or peen and gently maneuver it to get just the right angle and thrust.
If spooning for rear entry, use your buttocks to control the depth and pace so it feels good for both. Use your hand as a buffer between you and your partner to help keep the depth to your comfort zone.
The duo can accommodate any type of penetration or self-pleasure — or a delicious combo of both — with a view of all the action to boot!
The receiving partner lies on their back with their legs spread apart to allow their partner to kneel in between. Where you take it from there — you dynamic duo, you — is totes up to you.
If you want to skip penetration, this position’s perfect for mutual masturbation and erogenous play.
Have your partner kneel on the floor or bed and then straddle their lap while facing away. Think spooning, except on your knees.
A tilt of the pelvis is all it takes to make this work for V or A penetration with depth that you get to control. Kick up the pleasure factor by using a vibrator over your clit or penis at the same time. Or, skip the penetration and just enjoy the (dry) humpy ride and toy play.
If you’ve tried everything and you’re still experiencing pain — especially with penetration — then it’s time to boycott penetration for a little bit.
Don’t fret, because now’s the perfect time to give 69 a try. Simply lie on your back and have your partner climb on so you’re facing mouth-to-genitals.
Once you’re in position, make the most of this double dose of oral by using your lips and tongue, as well as your digits and hands.
Want a position that’s comfortable for the long haul, or just looking to extend your pleasure any way you can?
Here are three positions to prolong your play.
Lie flat on your front and have your partner lie on top with their elbows on the bed at your sides for support.
If penetration’s on the menu, tilt your pelvis as needed for shallow A or V entry. The tight fit will feel incredible but the shallow depth and comfy position will help you both last.
No penetration? No problem! Slip a vibrator under your pelvis for stimulation while your partner rubs on you, sliding between your butt cheeks.
Table for two
Stand facing a table, bend over, and have your partner stand close behind you. Support your body weight on the table and raise your hips to meet their genitals.
Keeping your legs together, reach back with one hand to guide their penis or strap-on into your V or A only as deep as is comfortable. Have them stay still while you move back and forth in a rhythm that works.
Have your partner sit in a sturdy chair, straddle their lap, and ride or glide. In other words, move down onto their penis or dildo to enter your V or A and ride. Or, rest your genitals on theirs and glide to your heart’s — and loin’s — content.
Here are some moves for the giver and receiver.
A bean bag, stack of pillows, or comfy chair will do as long as the receiver can sit and lean back while the giver kneels on the floor at their feet.
This position lets the giver go down on their partner while also reaching down for some hand or toy fun. The seated receiver’s also in the perfect position to get handy or use a toy for some erogenous self-love.
Just as the name suggests, you do the 69 while lying on your sides.
Raise a leg as needed to give and get access to each other’s genitals and lick, kiss, and suck away.
The receiver lies flat on their back with their legs closed, while the giver straddles the end of their legs and leans over to perform oral.
The receiver gets the pleasure of oral, while the giver gets to rub and slide their genitals over their partner’s closed legs. If the straddler has a peen or strap, they can slip it between their partner’s legs for a hump.
For partners who have a vulva and vagina, these positions are all pleasure and no pain.
Both parties assume an on all fours position, one behind the other, so the partner in the back can perform oral. This position works for rimming, too.
This classic lets you do it all! Perfect for a humpathon that can — but doesn’t have to — segue into penetration.
For penetration, the receiving partner lies on their back with their legs apart to make way for their partner to enter them with a strap-on or handheld toy. The spread determines the depth of penetration for your comfort.
Be sure to take advantage of all that face time to make out!
Hug it out
If you’re looking to up the intimacy, have your partner sit cross-legged and then sit on their lap and wrap your legs around them.
Enjoy all the eye contact while kissing and touching each other’s hot spots.
For partners who have a penis, these three positions let you have the oohs without the ouch.
Spooning lets the receiver enjoy being cradled while also allowing them to control the depth.
To limit depth, keep your legs together. To give the giver deeper access, simply spread a little more. Continue to adjust as needed to keep discomfort at bay.
This is definitely a more giver-dominant position, but the face-to-face allows for better communication, which can make all the difference if the receiver is worried about pain.
Lie on your back and widen your legs enough to allow your partner to position themselves on top.
Hold their hips to help guide them to a depth and pace that feels right.
Trombone for two
This take on the 69 lets you suck each other off and give or get a rim job.
One partner lies on their back. The other gets on top and positions their butt or genitals over their partner’s face and dives in.
Now that you’ve got the sheet-twisting, pain-free sex positions down, try these moves to take your game even further.
Lube like a boss
Use it for penetration of any kind, and use lots of it. Use even more to get your naked dry hump on, because it’ll make for some super slippery goodness.
- Lubes that contain oil are a no-no if you’re using latex barrier methods.
- Silicone lube can make a silicone sex toy degrade and lead to painful play.
- Use lube for sensation play, like warming or cooling lubes on the nips or balls.
Try app-controlled toys
App-controlled and remote-controlled toys are just as fun IRL as they are for long-distance play.
Take turns using one on each other, or get two for a tandem tease fest.
Mix things up by using them with some of the positions above or let them be the main course.
Try your hand — or toy — at delayed orgasm
Delayed orgasm or edging is the act of taking yourself or a partner to the brink of orgasm without actually orgasming — at least not for a bit. Why? Because the journey to the big O feels good for starters. And, when you finally do climax, it’ll be intense.
To do it, you can stop the stimulation just before orgasm and then resume again once the urge has passed, or switch to another sex act or stimulate a different body part every time climax is near.
Just remember that good communication, consent, and clear boundaries are key to making this enjoyable for all parties.
Sex shouldn’t hurt. With good communication, the willingness to experiment, and the right, er, tools, it doesn’t have to.
Adrienne Santos-Longhurst is a Canada-based freelance writer and author who has written extensively on all things health and lifestyle for more than a decade. When she’s not holed-up in her writing shed researching an article or off interviewing health professionals, she can be found frolicking around her beach town with husband and dogs in tow or splashing about the lake trying to master the stand-up paddle board.