illustration of two people laying in the 69 position in bed. one person has long black hair and is wearing a blue polka dot bra and underwear set, and the other is wearing black boxers and a light pink t-shirtShare on Pinterest
Illustration by Alyssa Kiefer

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Two nights in a hotel for the price of one is pretty neat. Ditto goes for getting a second T-shirt at no extra charge.

But the ultimate 2-for-1 is 69-ing.

Read on to learn more about this mutual oral sex position — including 21 tips to make it the kind of sex Ariana Grande might sing about.

We believe pleasure is a fundamental aspect of a safe and healthy sex life. That’s why we rely on experienced writers, educators, and other experts to share their suggestions on everything from the technique you use to the sex toy you buy.

We only recommend something that we genuinely love, so if you see a shop link to a specific product or brand, know that it’s been thoroughly researched — if you know what we mean. Wink.

69-ing entails performing oral sex on someone while they perform oral sex on you at the exact same time.

“The most common position for 69-ing is for one person to be lying on their back, and the other person to be lying in the opposite direction on top,” says queer sex educator Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexpert for adult wellness brand and retailer Lovers.

The benefits of the 69 sex position

“The beauty of 69-ing is that it allows both partners to enjoy the intimacy and physicality of oral sex at the same exact time,” says sex educator and certified clinical sexologist Megwyn White, director of education at Satisfyer.

You bet your cute butt there is!

Experiment with who’s on top and who’s on bottom

Do you and your partner basically have an Unofficial 69 Position — meaning one of you is always top and one of you is always on the bottom? If so, invert the position!

Doing so will allow you each to explore each other’s genitals from a new angle, potentially introducing you to new hot spots.

Protect your neck

Are you gonna notice paralysis from 69-ing? Probably not.

But (!) if your neck is in a suboptimal position for a long while, it is possible to tweak a muscle, pinch a nerve, or cramp up.

So if you’re on the bottom, protect your neck by supporting it with a rolled shirt, pillow, or other positioning tools.

Get comfy

It’s not just your neck that should be comfy — it’s your whole bod.

“If you’re positioned in a way that creates discomfort, it will inhibit your ability to feel pleasure,” says White.

So before you start licking, “take a moment to find the right position for both of your bodies to open up and relax into your pleasure,” she suggests.

Sexperiment

“The mouth and tongue can do so many things that our genitals can’t do… lick, suck, blow, flick, nip, and bite, to name just a few,” says erotic educator Taylor Sparks, founder of Organic Loven, one of the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shops.

“So spend some time exploring what your partner likes,” she says.

Communicate with your partner along the way, giving them the opportunity to tell you what they like.

You might ask:

  • “Do you like it better when I flick or suck?”
  • “I’m going to try a few different speeds with my tongue. When I do one that you like, will you tell me?”
  • “Does this feel good?”

Once you find something your partner(s) like, be consistent

Consistency, says Stewart, is key to climax.

“Once you find two or three moves that your partner likes, stick to those,” she says.

Use your hands

Question: Why use *just* your mouth when you’ve got hands that could help you hold, rub, squeeze, stroke, circle, and penetrate your partner?

Answer: You shouldn’t.

In addition to adding to the above sensations, using your hands will also keep your mouth from getting tired.

“When one partner is taller than the other, typically the height difference can be attributed to the leg length, not torso length,” says Sparks.

“Usually with a height difference the standard 69 position can still be done comfortably.”

Of course, for ~extreme~ height differences the standard configuration won’t work.

In these instances, White recommends trying sideways 69 (aka tilted 69), which puts both partners on their sides.

The taller partner can make a C-shape with their body, which “eliminates” their height and helps align their mouths to genitals.

Another option is to have one partner perform oral sex, while the other uses an oral sex stimulation toy like Tenga Easy-Beat Egg or We-Vibe Melt.

“69 is a great position because most body type combos can go together, including partners with different body sizes,” says Stewart.

“If one partner is larger bodied, they can be on the bottom,” says Sparks. “Or you can try sideways 69, which makes it so that no one has to bear the weight of the other person.”

You bet!

For your neck

Although almost any pillow can work here, small spherical and hemispherical pillows like the Tempur-Pedic All-Purpose Pillow and Tempur-Pedic Universal Cushion often work best due to their shape and nonintrusive size.

For your body

Do you enjoy being on top but wish it wasn’t so darn demanding on your arms and core? Try incorporating a sex chair like the PipeDream Fetish Fantasy Sex Stool.

Stools outfitted with two elastic straps, sex chairs are designed to be placed over the bottom partner, then mounted by the top partner.

During the 69 position, the top partner can position the chair over their partner’s face and sit down. The elastic straps will help support your body, while still giving your partner access to your genitals.

For your hips

If you’re on the bottom and your partner is having a hard time reaching your bits, White suggests propping a position pillow beneath your hips.

Doing so will change the angle of your hips, making it easier for your partner to make love to you with their mouth.

Some of the best positioning pillows for oral sex include the:

There are so many ways to make that happen.

Add in a finger vibrator

Finger vibrators are a great way to introduce vibration into play because you don’t have to hold them, says Sparks. You just have to slip them over your finger(s).

“You might use a finger vibrator to stimulate your partner’s clitoris between licks or place it inside of the vagina,” she says. “Or you can use it to tease your partner’s perineum.”

She recommends the Hot Octopuss DiGit.

Other good finger vibrators include the:

Note: If you already own a vibrating C-ring, you don’t need to invest in a new toy. Simply slide two (or three) fingers through the opening.

Incorporate a C-ring

On the topic of C-rings…

“If one or more partners has a penis, you might incorporate a C-ring, which can help extend the pleasure even longer with the combination of restricting blood flow and vibration patterns,” explains White.

She recommends the Satisfyer Royal One, “which is app-enabled and allows users to create custom and personalized vibration patterns.” Fun!

The Lelo Tor 2, We-Vibe Verge, and VeDO Overdrive Vibrating Cockring are great, too.

Lick lower…

Yep, we’re talking analingus!

The butthole features nearly 4,000 nerves so pleasuring it can feel phenoms.

According to Sparks, the best position for receiving oral anal is to be on top in the standard 69 position.

Leaning forward while on top should give your partner better access.

Bop in a butt plug

Another way to incorporate the bum is simply by having one or both partners wear a butt plug.

That way every time your pelvic floor muscles contract with pleasure as they are likely to do during oral you’ll be stimulating all the nerves in the anal canal. Hello, sensation!

If mutual oral sex isn’t working for you and your partner, White suggests trying another oral sex position.

For example: Standing kneeling oral, which requires that the receiver stand while the giver kneels in front of (or behind!) them.

Or face sitting (aka squatting oral), which requires that the giver lay on their back, while the receiver kneels or squats over their mouth.

If it’s the oral part of 69-ing that isn’t working for you and your boo, no big! Just stick to other sex acts like penetrative intercourse, outercourse, fingering, and mutual masturbation.

After all, no sex position works for every pleasure seeker!

Whether you call it 34+35, mutual oral, or 69-ing, simultaneously being licked and licking can be pretty damn pleasurable — and the sex educator-approved tips above practically guarantee it.

Try them for a 10/10 (er, 69/69?) sexperience.


Gabrielle Kassel is a New York-based sex and wellness writer and CrossFit Level 1 Trainer. She’s become a morning person, tested over 200 vibrators, and eaten, drunk, and brushed with charcoal — all in the name of journalism. In her free time, she can be found reading self-help books and romance novels, bench-pressing, or pole dancing. Follow her on Instagram.