Realistically, the average man thinks about sex 19 times a day, while the average woman thinks about sex just 10 times, according to this study. Your thinking is key to getting in the mood for sexy times. But maybe we have to reserve those thoughts for later in the day, and by the time we crawl into bed, the only three letter word our mind is on is … bed.
And not in a hot way. In a sleepy way.
But for the nine more times your partner might think about sex than you, here are nine responses to give them in return.
1. You said Netflix and chill … next time, say Amazon Prime and sexy time
2. I’m binge-watching 'The Office' (yes, again). Laughter is how you got me in bed on the first date, but Michael Scott is not a turn on
3. Yes, I usually want to have sex after two glasses, but you poured me three and I don’t say no to rosé and sleep, so …
4. The dog, cat, and goldfish are staring at (aka shaming) us
5. You may have an Obama poster that says, 'Yes We Can,' but … no, no we can’t
6. I ate too much magical fruit … Let me rephrase: Too. Much. Mexican.
7. Is … that … pizza sauce?? Sorry, but I need to wash these sheets right now
8. Um, we actually have to make up before having makeup sex
9. I’ve got to be somewhere in five minutes, and good for you, but I need more foreplay time than that
And of course, everyone’s top reason: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz …
You get the point. As much as we all may love sex, opting to don your ‘fat pants’, curl up with a bowl of java chip, and get intimate with Netflix instead can sometimes be much more fun.
If you happen to find yourself on the receiving end of any of these comments — or something vaguely similar — accept that your foxy lady or hunky man isn’t in the mood. Look on the bright side! Maybe tonight’s the night you finally finish reading the sixth “Harry Potter” book (no, you’re not “too old” for that) or finally learn to play chess (yes, you are smart enough to master it).
And remember: “Not tonight, honey” doesn’t necessarily mean “not in the morning.” Hopefully, you’ll soon be bringing sexy back (yeah).
Janine Annett is a New York-based writer who focuses on writing picture books, humor pieces, and personal essays. She writes about topics ranging from parenting to politics, from the serious to the silly.