Why We Relive the Painful Times Over Again. (For a good reason.)

Written by Danielle LaPorte on May 15, 2017

reliving pain

It feels like I’m reliving the pain all over again.

I can’t believe I’m still going through this.

I thought I was over it.

The pain caused by a loss can be strangely comforting because it keeps us attached to what we lost. So … we keep nursing the past instead of tending to our dreams. And then the pain can become part of our identity and letting go of it feels ridiculously vulnerable. Pain-comfort-pain-comfort-pain … it’s a vicious cycle that requires incredible courage to break.

But there’s another reason we keep reliving certain painful situations. And it’s actually healthy progress.

Sometimes we relive a painful event in order to look at it from a new perspective. We revisit it with an expanded consciousness. And with that hard-earned wisdom (that comes from moving through things), we can see there’s even more to gain from the pain. Which means, there’s even more wisdom and strength to take from it.

It’s like this: Pick a painful situation that you’ve done some work on. It could have happened months or years ago, but it’s something you’ve done a lot of processing on. A break up, getting fired, losing big, or any kind of betrayal or humiliation will do. You’ve been in therapy; you’ve talked through it with your besties. You’ve plowed through a lot of journals or sweaty hikes. With all of your care and attention, the emotional wounds are healing up nicely.

And then … snag. You bump into that person, or you hear something new about the old situation. You’re totally triggered and full of sick, gross, dark, puke-y, and heart-racing emotion. And you’re all like, Daaaaamn. Not THIS again. I thought I had worked this OUT. But there you are, hurting. Hard. Again.

Except! You’re not the same person you were when the wound first occurred. You have examined, and stretched, and raged, and cried, and you know more now than you did then. You really have worked through A LOT. Almost all of it in fact. And now you can see the key subtleties. You can see ten more reasons why it was a blessing. Or the REAL reason you were hurt. Or, best yet, you can now see how truly powerful, loving, loveable, immaculate, and awake you really are.

Feeling an old wound is the soul’s way of looking for what else can be healed. You’re not a loser for feeling it again. You’re … soulfully thorough.

Can you see that?

This article was originally published on DanielleLaPorte.com. Danielle LaPorte is a spiritual guru, author, and member of Oprah’s Supersoul100. For more insights and inspiration, check out Danielle’s book, “White Hot Truth.”

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