Dear Crohn’s,

Hi. It’s me. Yeah, me—the person whose gut you pick a fight with just about every day. You know, the one you ruined pizza parties for when she was little and beer parties for in college. I’m the girl you got crowned “Miss Mary Crap,” and “The Toilet Bowl Whisperer.” I’ve heard enough poop jokes to fill several hours of Comedy Central standup specials.

I’ve been thinking about “us” lately, and want to share some of my observations with you. You make mealtime torture, dating even more nerve-wracking than it already is, and big events like passing the Bar or getting married incapacitating. You’re a good-for-nothing piece of…oh, that’s just too easy. Suffice it to say: Crohn’s, you’re a crappy partner. We need to break up.

I’ve spent too many nights on the toilet or curled up in the fetal position, cursing my stomach when all this time it was you! You’re the one waging a war on my innocent insides, and they’re just trying to fight back. So, from this day on, I’m dumping you and reclaiming my life.

You’re no longer going to be the center of my attention. That’s right. I’m going to be the doting girlfriend to someone who will actually appreciate it. I’ll track my trigger foods like it’s the scientific method: carefully, patiently, and thoroughly. I’ll resist the temptation to binge occasionally on my favorite foods, because I know how much I will pay for it later. I will be more in tune with my body. I will be a better listener.

I know I’ll never fully escape you, but I can take charge of my life instead of feeling sorry for myself and feeding your need to control me. Like an ugly birthmark, you’ll always be a part of me, but you won’t be my defining characteristic. As I change my habits, you’ll lose your power. And though we’re bound to run into each other now and then (my gut’s a really small town), I’ll be ready to confront your tricks with confidence. And then I’ll strut away.

In other words, I win.

Your Ex,


write your breakup letter with Crohn's and send it to us.

Contest Rules and Regulations


The contest is open to all residents of the United States, with the exceptions of employees of Healthline Networks, its advertising and promotional agencies, and their respective affiliates and associates and such employees' immediate family members. Only one entry per person is allowed.

Contest Period

The contest begins on December 7, 2012. Entries must be received by 11:59 PM PST on January 3, 2013.


All entries must be written in English.

Entrants may not enter with multiple email accounts or multiple identities. Any entrant who attempts to participate with multiple email accounts and/or multiple identities will be disqualified.

We define winning as having won a grand prize or 1st place overall. Letters that violate or infringe upon another person’s rights, including but not limited to copyright, are not eligible.

License and Indemnification

In submitting a Breakup Letter, you agree to the following: I hereby grant to Healthline Networks a royalty-free, perpetual license to use the letter submitted herewith (the "Work") for any purpose whatsoever. Uses may include, but are not limited to, promotion of Healthline Networks and their projects in any way, including on the web, in print publications, as distributed to the media, and in commercial products. Healthline Networks reserves the right to use/not use any Work as deemed appropriate by Healthline Networks in their sole discretion. No Work will be returned once submitted.

I understand that in submitting a Breakup Letter, I hereby acknowledge that Healthline Networks shall bear no responsibility whatsoever for protecting my work against third party infringement of my copyright interest or other intellectual property rights or other rights I may hold in such Work, and in no way shall be responsible for any losses I may suffer as a result of any such infringement; and I hereby represent and warrant that my Work does not infringe the rights of any other individual or entity. In exchange for valuable consideration, I do hereby unconditionally release, hold harmless and indemnify Healthline Networks, their directors, officers, and employees of and from all claims, liabilities, and losses arising out of or in connection with my participation in the contest, or Healthline Network’s use of my Work. This release and indemnification shall be binding upon me, and my heirs, executors, administrators, and assigns.

Winner Selection

A contest winner will be chosen by the Healthline editorial staff. The winner will be notified via email. The name of the winner will also be posted on the’s Facebook page(s).

The Prize

A $50 gift certificate will be given to the contest winner. The total value of the prize is $50. The prize is not redeemable in cash and must be accepted as rewarded. Winners will be contacted via email within two weeks after the end date of the contest. In order to claim the prize, winners must respond via email to Responses must include full name, email address, and location. Prizes will be awarded by January 16, 2013. Failure to respond according to these stipulations shall mean that the winner forfeits the prize. Neither Healthline Networks nor its employees may be held liable for any warranty, costs, damage, injury, or any other claims incurred as a result of usage of any winners of a prize once possession has been taken of the product by winner. Healthline Networks is not liable for any loss arising out of or in connection with or resulting from any contest promoted by Healthline Networks.

Sponsored by Healthline Networks, Inc. 660 Third Street, San Francisco, CA, 94609

Submit your letter

Your Name:

Don’t display my name

Your Email:

250 words

*enter the text into below field.

Email addresses will not be shared with 3rd parties. See privacy policy