All Your Off-limits Sex Questions Answered

all your off—limits sex questions answered

Oh, yes, we went there. How to shed inhibitions, introduce sex toys and everything else you need to know for better nooky

Remember when you learned what the it in "doing it" really was? You were probably huddled in a closet, poring over Judy Blume's Forever... . By now, you're well versed in the mechanics of lovemaking, but that doesn't mean you have all the answers. In fact, sex is like the plot of Lost: The more you know, the deeper the mysteries get. And when unraveling them, you can feel as sheepish as that 12-year-old with the paperback. To spare you red-faced moments—and multiply your satisfaction—we posed your vexing erotic mystifiers to the experts. Soon, you'll be able to write your own story on gratifying sex and savor more of it!

Physically, I'm most fulfilled on top, but I'm also shy about being on display. How can I let go of my hang-ups and just have fun?

As you're saddling up for the big ride, you may be fretting, "My left breast is drooping," and "that bulge above my hips is gross" and "I really should deal with that crop of ingrown hairs around my bikini line." But guess what's going through his mind? Yippee, I'm having sex! Over the long term, you can work on lingering body-image issues by exercising, seeing a therapist and exploring your past. But for tonight, your fastest route to self-assurance is to slip into a hot baby-doll nightie or bustier. Besides providing coquettish coverage, "lingerie puts you in the mood," says Patti Britton, Ph.D., president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists in Ashland, Virginia. Getting out of your head, where those destructive, self-critical thoughts have a tendency to play in a continuous loop, also helps. "Concentrate on following your breath as it flows in and out of your body," advises Marianne Brandon, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Annapolis, Maryland. "And remember, your guy is happiest when you're enjoying yourself." If you're blissed out on top, he'll love the view.

Does going off the Pill boost your sex drive? I stopped taking it after I broke up with my boyfriend, and I'm climbing the walls!

It's possible that your particular prescription dampened your appetite, and it has shot back to its natural set point. A controversial study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine attributed low libido among Pill users in part to reduced levels of free testosterone. But "many women find their sex drive is enhanced when they're on the Pill because they no longer fear pregnancy," says Theresa Mahon, M.D., an ob/gyn at St. Vincent's Hospital Manhattan. So here's another theory: Your drive could have dipped because your relationship was circling the drain. "The anxiety of a dying partnership can diminish libido," says Amy Levine, founder of Sex Ed Solutions in New York City. Now that you are observing the world (and its many handsome, available inhabitants) through a single lens, your body is primed to move on, too.

I'm a go-getter, but I fantasize about being dominated. What does this say about me?

It says, I can only conquer the world for 23 hours and 45 minutes a day—I want someone to take control of me for once! "Submissive fantasies are about creating balance," says Linda De Villers, a sex therapist in Los Angeles. "It's nice not to have to make all the decisions yourself."

I just survived a breakup. How can I be less nervous when I'm with a new partner?

Coupling up for the first time is replete with unknowns. You grew used to your ex: his moves, his smells, his endearing way of sounding like Barry Gibb when he's preparing for takeoff. With someone new, everything—including his sexual health and his turn-ons—is foreign, Levine says. So consider what is giving you pause. If you're worried about STDs, ask when he was last tested and if he's since engaged in risky behavior. If you're concerned about how he'll react to your snoring like a foghorn, it's best to slowly acclimate to each other's quirks. "Think back to high school, when you gradually rounded the bases" Levine says. "That can be sexy." Also, the more freely you can express your anxieties to your partner, the less power those fears will have over you. "That's why it's crucial to pick a good listener," Brandon says. In other words, although a fling with that silent-type sax player seems tempting, you may be better off with the sensitive chemist for your first time back in the game.