Author Kimberly Ford shares stories from her new book, Hump: True Tales of Sex After Kids.
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My name is Kimberley Ford, the author of Hump: True Tales of Sex After Kids. I think the jury is still out as to whether or not kids are good for marriages, period. This is the query; there is a psychological study that says that 83% of couples suffer some sort of moderate to severe crisis after kids come into the picture. No one is going to tell you about if it gets better. You know, you are not going to have better sex because you have young children. Certainly, that's not the case. I was in graduate school when I had my first baby and I didn't have any help. I thought I wanted four children, and I thought that this whole motherhood thing was just going to be so fulfilling and this would be it. And in fact, it was really difficult and those were some really dark days when the kids were super young. My husband would get home and I literally would be like, "I can't, we have to go to the bedroom right now and do this." It was the way that I was sort of maintaining some semblance of self, that wasn't totally eclipsed by the baby. If you can find a way, as a mom, to, sort of, let the dishes pile up or let the dust bunnies accumulate -- if you can let go of some of that stuff in the name of some physical intimacy, then I think that's a huge step in the right direction. We do something called Private Time which just means that the kids know they're not supposed to bug us. That might be a glass of wine on the couch, it might be us chatting on the porch, but mostly it's us upstairs behind closed doors. The kids love it because it means that they get to watch an extra half-an-hour of video or they get to play on the computer, or whatever it is that they're doing. My daughter is eight and she is by far the most inquisitive. The other day she says, "Mummy, what you guys do during private time." And I said, well, you know, mostly we just talk and if I ma liking, you know, I may get a backrub. My youngest son, he is out there and he is saying, "Let me in, let me in." And so, my husband, of course, would yell back, "Not by the hair of my chinny chin!" which -- I mean -- so there is a lot of levity around the whole thing. They don't feel like, we are abandoning them. If you've figured out ways to have sex with very young children in the house, it means that you're pretty motivated and you're pretty creative about your sexual activities. So I think, in the long run, it does, in fact, mean that you have better sex. Once you can get yourself going over the hump, once you are over the hump, then you are in. You know, you are good.
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