Relationship Counselor Melody Brooke tackles the tough subject of losing sexual interest in your partner and what, if anything, you can do about it.
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[Music playing] Jennifer: Okay this is a tough question that we are going to tackle it anyway and it is one that is been on every woman’s mind in some point it is been on the mind of every men’s mind in some point and then the question is why am I not more interested in having sex with my husband? [Music playing] Dan: Was that something I said? Melody: Well yes—that is a big question. Jennifer: That is a big one. Melody: And the reason is such big question it says here lots of different possible answers. And the very first one that I would want you guys to check out would be with or not is this a physical issue because sometimes and this was actually an issue for me that I did not discover for a long time which is that my testosterone level was low. So you need to check in with your doctor and make sure that you do not have that issue. Dan: A girls testosterone level? Really okay because most guys would think that testosterone that is guy thing no—okay. Melody: All of us have all of the hormones – just proportions. And if a woman testosterone is too low her sex drive will be very low. Jennifer: Oh wow that is interesting. Dan: So it was not male? It was the girls fault. Jennifer: So it is not that you just… Melody: So that, that could be one reason and of course another really big reason is that sometimes there is sexual trauma issues. And one to get a partner has undiagnosed sexual trauma issues and so when they get into the bed with their husband or their wife whatever they start feeling triggered back to this old abuse memories and it causes them to be completely turned off. Dan: And they may not even be aware of them right? Jennifer: So it is not necessarily in education issue or knowing what to do or what not to do there is just emotional… Dan: Is this something that could have blocked out perhaps? Melody: It could be something they blocked out, it could be something they know about but they did not realize that it is affecting them in that way. And it is huge in fact my husband I was telling him this morning is that a lot larger number of people have this issues than realize. Dan: So how do you deal with that? What does a couple do when they present this problem? Melody: Well to begin with of course they are going to need to deal with it with therapy but so bringing a professional?—bringing a professional but the other issue is in terms of each other and there is a lot of couples that know that they have issue maybe they did not go in therapy and deal with it but what they have to do is they have to begin to do more of those things that trigger them. Dan: Okay. Jennifer: So when you reach that point of discomfort you got to push a little further. Melody: Right, it is like a runner and you need a wall-- and you have to keep and your partner has to keep reminding you that this is now and that you love them and that you are safe and all that stuff that you think you are not because on emotional level because on emotional level it feels like you are back there when you are a little and it is not safe and all that. Dan: Oh boy. Melody: But it can definitely be worked for. Jennifer: That is a good idea and so we have testosterone maybe abuse, trauma type issues. Melody: If it is not any of those [laughter] oh okay—there is also issues of a lot of times if you like when you are first married and you got kids and you both are just like exhausted at the end of the day [Cross Talk] and you might just be too tired. It is not that you do not want it is just that you are too tired. So it maybe an issue of kind of looking at the work distribution and figuring it out sometimes that you can be together that you are not so tired. Not try to do with it at eleven o’ clock when you are bought crashing the bed. Dan: Okay everything is done I am ready yes [Cross Talk] Jennifer: Impressed with that stuff guys, can be that like okay we got everything else done now, I am ready and you are like [Cross Talk], a wife and a business woman and ever