If I don't know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?
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Host: If I don’t know what my partner is upset about, how can I validate it? Chris Wright: You are right. Not many people would understand, what’s bothering you? Why would your partner be upset? To be able to even validate it but now that we understand that these are different operating systems and a very coherent, very clear, easy to grasp, it not makes sense why you would be upset. As you become more familiar with the Enneagram Personality System, you’re going to see that all roads in a conflict lead to Rome. That each of has a certain number of core areas in our personality, areas which were highly fragile because we are not connected to our self in those areas and so they are very insecure, very sensitive areas. Whenever those areas are triggered, a lot of tension is going to come up. The Enneagram identifies them very clearly. So, once you know your type and your wings and your lines, the influences, those are the ones that are going to rattle you. Those are the ones who are going to create conflict. So, now that I know, for example let’s say that my wife is a one perfectionist with aligned to four, need to be special, need to feel important. That’s really great for me because it makes it easy for me every time she is upset. I understand why she is upset. I get it. So, it makes all the difference to have an awareness of what these items are, these areas that are sensitive in the relationship. There maybe other areas that are beyond the Enneagram that you are upset, uncomfortable about money or uncomfortable about certain areas. Fine, we can expand to incorporate what those areas are, so that I am always in a position to be able to understand instead of criticize. To be able to work through it together as a team in a way that’s honoring of these pressures. After all I have my pressures too.