The Doctors and Noel Biderman, president of AshleyMadison.com, a website that enables attached individuals to have affairs, debate whether infidelity improves relationships.
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Dr. Lisa: According to a scientific survey, the more extra marital flings a couple enjoys, so that means cheating, the more likely they are to remain together and a happier they’ll be. So rule number one, long distance rules. So you should never cheat with anybody within your area code. Dr. Travis: These are rules by the people who support extra marital discretions. Dr. Lisa: Right. And science says this is the way it works. Don’t keep in touch with the people you cheat with. So it’s like cheat and run. Or I guess one night stand or something like that. Dr. Sears: One night stand, yeah. Dr. Lisa: Don’t ask, don’t tell. So that means basically, lie about the whole thing. Dr. Travis: And the other one though is this is the one I have the most difficulty with, they say “Live guilt-free”. I'm sorry, but who can go trough their life just like, “What the heck I'm guilt-free. She doesn’t know.” Dr. Andrew: very few people would support that. Dr. Lisa: With this one rule: Don’t ask, don’t tell – well I tell as a gynecologist and from a health standpoint, the vagina does not lie. And I will tell you this is absolutely true because STD’s because you're putting your other partner at risk if they don’t know of STDs because they're going to be using unprotected intercourse because they think they're in a monogamous relationship because you don’t ask don’t tell. That’s exactly why as a gynecologist I’ll ask women whether they're married or single, would you like an STD test. And a lot of women will say, “Well I'm married.” And I’ll still go again, would you like an STD test, because that’s regardless of what she’s doing maybe she doesn’t know what her partner is doing. Dr. Travis: Do you guys feel strongly about, there are some people who will say thinks like, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” I'll tell you what you're bringing that STD back home. That’s not staying in Vegas. That’s getting on the airplane with you and going to infect your spouse. Dr. Andrew: It’s not fair to your wife; it’s not fair to your family, your kids. You made a commitment, stick with it. Dr. Travis: But it is fair to say that some people do believe that cheating improves marriages and we actually have joining us on the phone from Toronto, Canada; Noel Biderman. He’s the President of ashleymadison.com that’s a website for married people who are looking to have an affair. Noel, thanks for joining us. I do have a question are you truly referred to as the kingpin of infidelity. Noel Biderman: Yeah. That has been labeled on me. But thanks for having me on. Dr. Andrew: Noel, how is business? Good? Noel Biderman: Yeah, well listen. You can say all those things and I think everything that you say has some validity to it. But I wouldn’t have 6.8 million members in nice countries in three different languages if there wasn’t a demand for this kind of services. So we can stick our head in the sand and pretend that we don’t care about the causation why people have affairs, or we can try to address the causation. Let me recall some data back in 2000 when internet dating was becoming very, very popular that estimated that 30 plus percent of people go into so-called single dating sites weren’t single at all, that they were already in relationships. And I thought to myself as a good entrepreneur, wow wouldn’t these people prefer social network of their own. Dr. Jim: You know two-thirds of marriages do not survive an extra marital affair. And that’s a huge, huge problem. Dr. Lisa: I mean it’s just like—alright with the marriage and you're sort of bypassing communication and trust. Dr. Andrew: You're right Lisa. We talked about on this show that work on your marriage. Open communication, work on it; sure. Over the years I've been happily married 25 years now, things change. And the anniversary this year, it’s been great and the key there is you have to communicate and you make it special. Noel Biderman: I think what’s important though is to also recognize that the data be
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