Not Being Allowed to Hold My Premature Baby - Catrina's Story Video

Catrina explains why it was emotionally difficult for her as she waited to hold her newborn son. For more on Pregnancy, pregnancy.
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Not Being Allowed to Hold My Premature Baby - Catrina's Story I don’t know if guilt is the right word. I do feel; it’s just this heartache that you never, never get rid of. From the minute I could pick him up and I took him home I still haven’t put him down. He is 20 months old. I will never get that week back. It’s gone. The nurses at Banner Thunderbird helped kind of cushion that by filling me in on all his little things that he was doing and accomplished. That meant a lot to me because as a mom you want to be there for those very first seconds and moments and all of those things and I didn’t get to hold Tanner when he was born. Most moms get to give birth and even a c-section mo, you go through recovery and then they come to your room and you got to hold them. I didn’t even get to experience holding him. So, it’s not so much guilt as it is just this longing for that week to get back but they did help. The nurses at Banner really helped cushion that little bit and yeah, like he is 20 months old, I still pick him up and hold him all the time. He is my buddy. We are still attached, you know, I mean he is my third son, but he definitely holds a different place, a separate situation, a different bond with my husband and I because we did go through all of that together and I think we are little more watchful over him too even though he is tough as nails. He keeps right up there with big brother and you know, ‘monkey-see; monkey-do’ – he does everything big brother does and so, you know, as the months go on and he gets a little bigger and he gets stronger and everything we are learning that Tanner can handle his own and so it’s not so worrisome. As a mom you always worry a little bit. My husband and I are Christians and we do believe that everything happens for a reason. I do believe that all of this with Tanner did happen for some reason and a little bit at a time is portraying itself. I am very involved in the hospital. I try to volunteer as much as I can and get involved. I think that’s very important when something touches you as much as Banner Thunderbird has touched my family that you get involved back and you try to make a difference and you serve where you can, and so I do. I think that everything kind of happens for a reason – good or bad or it may put a little ding in your heart, but it’s what you do with it that really makes a difference and we are trained to do as much as we can to make a positive difference and spread the word about how great these people are and what they did for us.

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