In this video, we learn some parenting advice from parenting expert Eileen Hayes: positive parenting.
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Anastasia Baker: Parenting is a notoriously tricky business with no definitive right or wrong way to do it. As a parent yourself you will know that everyone has a different opinion on how to do things and that aren't usually in telling you how to do it properly. Well Eileen Hayes is a parenting expert and the Editor of your family magazine. Welcome to you. Thanks for coming in today. So what is positive parenting? What is that all about? Eileen Hayes: I think it is puzzling for lots of parents. It's quite easy to see what negative parenting is. One we see somebody shouting and yelling and saying a few if you do that again you will get whatever. It's easy to understand those negatives. But to be positive since it looks like more tricky, I mean the way I often describe -- catch them being good. Parents spend a lot of time trying to catch that' child being naughty. They are always on the lookout for bad behavior or naughty behavior and trying to deal with it. And actually the trick is to think which of the behaviors I like and give those the most attention. Anastasia Baker: Can you give us an example just to be clear? Eileen Hayes: Its very tempting if your children are just sitting playing quietly to just get on and you know make a lunch and just say nothing about it. What you should do is go and say I really love it when you are playing so quietly together, thank you very much. It gives me time to make the lunch. And since they are artificial at first when parents try out, but that should work like a dream. We are always a little bit one step ahead of children. They don't see as artificial at all. It really helps them to. Anastasia Baker: Do you think ultimately children are people pleasers. They do want to please. Eileen Hayes: They particularly want to please their parents and that can be hard for parents to understand, because if you fall into the opposite trap of only giving attention when the behave badly, then you think, you kind of think that they behave badly all the time. You say you are making too much noise or stop that racket and you will just focussing on that behavior. So it's the timing lap around and trying to notice the times they are behaving well. And the more you can do that the more they behave well. People think it wont work. But I know it does. I do with my own fore children. And it does work; it really does over a period, over a long term. Anastasia Baker: So give us an example of what not to do then, sort of some negative parenting if you like it? Eileen Hayes: Well, it never helps if you wait till the child is really doing something you hate and then start screaming and shouting but because children also learn by example. So, the more you are yelling and losing that above everything, the more they will tend to do the same. Anastasia Baker: And copy that behavior. Eileen Hayes: Its hard obviously in a stressful life to be calm and laid back. Anastasia Baker: When your child is pouring their food all over the place, I mean what is positive about that? Eileen Hayes: I think there are two different types going on there. One is the fact that a lot of behavior that parents call naughty is actually very much normal behavior. Is trying to remember, you can check this out with your friends. If every two year old is doing the same thing, that's normal behavior. Did not whether as grieving to parents and you find a strain its still normal behavior and every one year old will crawl and touch the video and the TV? Every two year old will mess with their food. Every three year old will challenge you and say no to things. These are normal behaviors. The more you understand it helps you to think what they will grow out. That's the first thing. But there are behaviors of course you cant ignore, like a one of them is pouring paint over other one's hair or your toddler is the one that bites another one and that's -- the wild behaviors you cant ignore. You need to have to Anastasia Baker: To pick you move. Eileen Hayes: