Dealing With Your In-Laws - What do I do if my in-laws refuse to accept me?
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Host: What do I do if my in-laws refuse to accept me? John Spiegel: So you won’t take it personally. Almost surely, this is not about you. It’s probably about the contexts or the histories that people bring. So it’s going to take persistence. It’s going to take patience, and a fix can’t to some extent you’re not going to sort of take to heart every little harsh thing that might be said or coldness to someone. I think the underlying reality that human being is that we want to make a connection with every other person that we possibly can. It’s just sometimes we can’t figure out how to do it. So that’s the perspective you might bring, and try to find some situation where notwithstanding the coldness or the harshness that you heard or you get to ask them a question about their lives, an open ended kind of question or about their thinking, “What kind of music do you like? What kind of music do your people like to listen to? How do you feel about being in the United States? When did you come here? What was your first reaction when you go back to your country and you’ve been there for a while and then you come back again in the United States?” Like, “What is the first thing you notice when you get off to the plane? What do you like? What don’t you like?” Those kinds of open ended questions are worth their waiting gold, and then you just listen and you make that eye contact. You let your face be expressive. Almost every person on the planet melt another word is that coldness that they maybe giving to you is going to melt. It may not happen the first time. It may not happen the first 10 times, but I’m confident it will happen. Then we all know it’s one of the most heartwarming things about life that you can start out with the relationship that is cold and hostile and sometimes that person can end up being your best friend.