Dr. Debbie is here to help us protect our relationships and combat the heightened stress associated with this time of the year.
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Audra Lowe: When it comes to you and your man, stress can definitely take its toll on couples especially during the holidays, which we know are right around the corner. Well we hit the streets to hear some relationship stress triggers in today’s He Said, She Said. Female: I think that the most stressful thing in a relationship is probably Facebook. I think that’s probably the death of all relationships because there’s no boundaries, there is not black and white it’s just “Oh. I was just talking to her. She’s just a friend from the city I used to live in.” Male: My wife, she’s just very demanding – well not demanding she’s a Leo so you know how Leo’s want to be in charge of everything. So that’s always a fight there. Female: Most stressful thing about my relationship is probably the finances. Otherwise the relationship was perfect. It’s kind of working out how do we live life and make life go right with less income? Male: The most stressful thing in our relationship is who buys more shoes. Female: I think probably about drinking. If I think he’s had too much to drink we will get in a fight about that. Male: I live in Columbus, Ohio and I come in to New York City every week, so I'm here traveling 100% and leaving my wife back home with seven children to take care of. Female: The thing that really obsesses me is when my husband doesn’t listen to me. Audra Lowe: Well stress really can be a relationship buster and Dr. Debbie is here to help us protect our relationships and combat the heightened stress that’s associated with this time year, the holidays. Good to have you back Dr. Debbie. Dr. Debbie: Thank you, good to be here. Audra Lowe: Just thinking about the holidays can be stressful. Dr. Debbie: In reality stress is a part of life, so people need to learn how to cope with it. So the very first thing I tell people is you have to work with your thoughts because if you keep indulging the worry that you're having over what you have to get done, it exacerbates it versus soothe it. Audra Lowe: It does have an affect on how you feel. Dr. Debbie: Huge effect on how you feel. Feelings follow thoughts. So it sounds really easy, but what I tell everybody is that when you're having a though that’s stressing you out you have to say stop and put a happy thought into your mind. And it’s like working at it at the gym. You can’t just do it once and expect the muscles to grow. You can’t just decide I'm going to change my thoughts and they change. You have to actively work at it. Audra Lowe: I talk to myself all the time and I answer myself, so it’s a good thing. I'm working out my stress. Dr. Debbie: Put some happy thoughts in there and you’ll feel much better. Audra Lowe: Also, deep breathing. It is scientifically proven to help with stress. Dr. Debbie: It changes the physiology. It’s the most automatic thing you can do. You're starting to feel stress come up – deep breath 10 times hold for five seconds and you'll immediately feel yourself decompress, very quick. Audra Lowe: And stay away from people that they're sucking the life out of you. You need all that air, right? Dr. Debbie: If you're around negative people, you have to look at what’s negative in you because we do draw into us who we are. And once you start to pay attention to that you may have to get rid of the people that are sucking the energy out of you because it’s just not helpful and you have to set a boundary and just get rid of them. Audra Lowe: I love that tip too. Get rid of the negative people, that’s a big one right there. And also taking stock of your behavior and how you over react to things. You might not think you're overreacting. Dr. Debbie: People are running around like the world is coming to an end and that’s a big crises because they have to do Christmas shopping, and if you're not about to die it really isn’t a crisis. There’s going to be a new day and you can make new choices and there’s always going to be the next time. So calm down and really say that to yours