How does goal-oriented sex limit the ecstatic experience?
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Host: How does goal oriented sex shift the whole experience? Chris Wright: So, when you focus now that starts to become on a goal, getting you turned on, that immediately moves it out of pure love making, you are trying to engage each other in a way that will trigger these imprinted energies. That release so much pleasurable feelings, that gets you turned on, gets you sexually excited, so there is no innocence any longer into the connection of the real energies that are there, they are overshadowed by all this doing and all this activity. So it also by establishing the goal that also sets up inherent pressures that make it now even harder to move up into the lovemaking. Pressures, they cause any kind of pressure during lovemaking, cause consciousness to contract, even subtle pressures cause you to be little vigilant and contract. These pressures kill the innocence, they kill lovemaking, there is no will to stay purely present, until that you can relax into your awareness and fully experience the moment, and it s pristine value. For men they maybe little different, the pressures than they are for woman For men, again, they are the navigator, they are the one that supposed to turn the woman on and so they got a job to do. The more turned on she is, the better lover I am. So this goal orientation sets up an incredible amount of pressure, expectations he puts on himself that he has to be good lover and he has to turn her on. So any kind of expectation inside, any kind of pressure like that is going to -- just even that it is the subtle pressure, will just throw him off his coordination. So he is not fully as connected to himself not fully in the now, not fully present with the partner. It can actually trigger so much pressure that for a man, he could even have a difficulty with an erection, and for most people impotency, when it is not physiologically based, it is emotionally based. That there is simply too much pressure that the person is carrying on inside and that is what is throwing them off their natural rhythm. Even a premature ejaculation comes from coming in to the situation way too sexually loaded, way too many needs showing up; pressure is showing up with all that -- it overtakes the whole experience, they are no longer connected to you, they are overwhelmed by the imagination that, the anticipation that is been so highly aroused. So they can not be present, they can not fully experience, they are overloaded with so much pressure of their own emotional needs. Same thing whenever a person is emotional needy in sex, they cannot be connected to you, it is all coming, the need overshadows the whole experience. Sexual need can do the same, a man who is really sexually needing sex that need again overtakes the whole innocence of the moment. And it even can develop into a sort of an aggressiveness, entitlement of taking here, pinching here, grabbing there, pushing there so that there is no sense of attuning to the enfoldment of lovemaking that goes on. So all of these things in lovemaking does not show up, you do not see that kind of pressure when people learn to do pure lovemaking. You do not see premature ejaculation becoming a problem, you do not see that sense of unable to get an erection when you fully can relax into the now, connect to what you are really experiencing, attune to your partner that all flows effortlessly, moves into these more refined energies and more fulfilling experience together. Pressures also interfere with the woman s experience, there is a sense with women from an early age that they want to be a turn on for man, they want to please the man. They want him to feel like they are good lovers and all that creates a subtle pressure in the woman, just it partly stay up in her head, how am I doing? How is it going here? Should I do this? Do I need to do this? All that gets in the way of her just completely relaxing into the experience, emerging into the moment by moment, enfoldment of these energies.