She's been hurt before and doesn't trust men! How can I get her to trust me?
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Dan: She won't take me seriously because I am a guy. Jennifer: Dawg. Dan: Dawg? Jennifer: Dawg. Dan: Dawg. Am I saying that right? I just wanted to draw a thing. Do I? Jennifer: He can do this, not his fault, Dawg. Dan: Yeah. Jennifer: Yeah. Dan: It's really how I am going to talk about that? Jennifer: Okay, go. Dan: Okay. Hi! Dan and Jennifer, my girlfriend says, that she can't trust me because, wait for it, because I am a guy, and I might break her heart, why would I do that, like her previous boyfriends have. Aha! Withholding comment, adding drama, withholding comment, I can't convince her to trust me. So do I wait and try to earn it although it's not my fault? What do I do? Jennifer: Okay, look. Dan: Baggage, you don't have it. Jennifer: You may be able to turn things around, you can be the perfect guy, right and just recognize given what I am hearing here, if you do slip up, the response may not be equal to the slip up. Okay, so you got some baggage like Dan was saying, she's got some baggage. But it mean, how can you do as a guy is the completely honest, open and forthcoming. Let her know where you are going, let her know where you've been, when you are going to be there, and be there on time. Don't hide anything, okay. If you're with someone who has jealousy issues, the only thing you can do is to be completely honest and forthcoming. Dan: I mean jealousy is not a -- it's not a virtue, it's a symptom of fear, it's a symptom of living life out of fear. Jennifer: It's an emotion. Dan: Our society encourages to be very jealous and possessive in whatever... Jennifer: Mine. Dan: ...mine, get away, but ultimately that's a display of fear of lost. So it's ultimately an insecurity. So it displays that you are unsecured and afraid of lost. And these are not - that's not a bad personality. And most of us, we all have, all of us, we all have so much baggage, lots there from childhood. We have Amadeus because our dad left or mom left or whatever, everybody left or whatever.. Jennifer: her boyfriend treated her bad and... Dan: Or some boyfriend treated her bad, and for few years, and now you would be the guy who deals with it. Jennifer: And I know how back and forth on sharing this, but I mean, I had really been into this too. I used to be a jealous girlfriend, I can understand that, very possessive, very, very controlling, but if you really go back and look at it, I mean, I was a premature baby. I was in the incubator for a month. I didn't have my mommy for a month. My parents got divorced when I was two. I didn't see my dad much after that. So, oh, my god! No wonder I am afraid people are going to leave me, right. I mean everybody has these issues. It's not just me, okay, everybody has these issues that they have to deal with. Dan: So it's not just her. You have to love for who she is, but just the understanding that it's not you, and it's not you who she is responding to, but guess what, she had this issue, everybody has issues, baggage, challenges, and so is life. Jennifer: Another part is you can't fix it. It's her issue to deal with. You can try talking to her. When you start seeing that jealous reaction from her, ask her, what are you feeling right now. What triggered it? Don't say what did I did because she is going to say what you did, this. That's the.. Dan: do you know the thing that triggered her reaction, which you are going to say, but wait a minute. This is no big deal and to you it's not. Jennifer: Right, to you, it's not. Dan: And to most people may not be who's able to understand the baggage she has. So understand the person receiving, and the person feeling, and why they feel that way, simple. Jennifer: And try that, counseling is good for this. I hate to say, but you know, counseling is good. That will let you know how serious you are, but it's hard to quote through these things yourself, but you can just try to help her understand that what she's feeling may not necessarily be because of you. Okay, she said th