A group of mothers discuss their experience on competitive mums and how children develop at different times.
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Ingrid Tarrant: You know although moms meeting in total groups are a very good thing. It is also a breeding ground for fierce competition as instead of oh my baby took its first step the other day and you are into thinking oh mine couldn’t instead of mine can say momma and you think mine cant. So then you start to -- what you start to worry. Then you think that why is my child different. Why hasn’t my child done that and particularly if your child is the last one, every week or every day you meet up with the moms and everything and suddenly its like oh mine did, few days after yours did. Oh! Mine still hasn’t. I think it’s a horrible, horrible situation. Every child develops a different rate. One might walk quicker. My daughter, my second child walked at ten months which is very, very young. But she didn’t talk until much later. But as my son didn’t walk till 15 months. But he was talking when he was one of the size saying car and ford and all that sort of things. So they all develop at different rates, but you feel goshful if theirs are doing that, mine should be doing that too. Horrible. Rachel Royce: Isn’t it also a potential way of picking up problems if they are not problems. If you had not had a baby before and you may be your baby is partially deaf or dumb and you don’t know when they start talking it might be a difficult thing to have other mothers pointing out that -- Ingrid Tarrant: Absolutely, in theory going to the baby clinic and things like that. They are doing those tests and -- you could turn neurotic. Your baby is two months old and suddenly you are suffering neurotic because you think, oh it didn’t do this, oh god it hasn’t done that. It’s not feeding properly; it’s not the color of the -- color. Now it’s not doing this. It stops very -- Rachel Royce: My sister daughter always pick things up. I have certain experience in my mother’s crèche where one of the women’s baby looked so sick and we were all saying, you got to go the hospital. That baby was, this wasn’t moving. I said I have been to the doctor twice. He says there is nothing wrong. I am really worried about -- hospital again. Just take her straight to emergency because we could see this baby look like having -- The baby died and her doctor hadn’t picked up on it and thank god for the mother’s grace, because we were all like no baby should live like that. I think sometimes whole concern of the other mothers can help. It’s a very extreme case, but I don’t think doctors always do pick -- Cheryl Baker: There is a difference between concerns. I mean concern -- is a good thing but competition is horrible. Ingrid Tarrant: -- because they are kind of go -- Cheryl Baker: And they put their babies in designer clothes as if the baby cares. You know as if the baby cares. Rachel Royce: And they will dress up to come to the mom and -- Ingrid Tarrant: Sometimes in the morning honestly I would drop my children off in my dressing gown. I have a dressing gown overcoat on top, slipper on my feet ..bye bye. All these mothers and they didn’t have to get out of the car but they did, because it was like sort of fashion show. It’s like they got a bye darling and then they come back and collect them at the end of the day at school. And they have changed again and they have got another outfit on them -- thank god my dressing gown and I worry so -- I do very practical. So the competition is through the children and themselves. Mara Lee: It even starts when you are pregnant and shopping for the right equipment like this, this concern for the right equipment -- and people buying 600 pound, the label on it. I think that really set in on the right bottles. It’s all very I am doing the best things for my child, because look Rachel Royce: I am just sort of embarrassed about not having a -- because I felt embarrassed and my father -- it was a silver cross and my husband went oh isn’t that great. But I did feel embarrassed walking around with this crown. Ingrid Tarrant: How does