Learn how to prepare your relationship for the transition into parenthood.
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Dakota Mitchell: Hi, I’m Dakota Mitchell one of the dozens of dads on Being Dad DVD. Sam Holt: And I am Sam Holt, one of the many dads from around the world on Being Dad Two. Dakota Mitchell: And we have another installment from The Being Dad Blog Series and today we’re going to talk about preparing your relationship for parenthood which I was kind of like actually I’m a little over 43 and I had a lot of friends that already had kids. So, I had a lot of this information prior to ever even thinking about having kids that my wife and I talk about but I think for a lot of guys that are going to be having kids these are some really important points to bring up. Sam Holt: Yeah. I was a complete—I was one of the first in my group of friends to have kids and so— Dakota Mitchell: You were clueless. Sam Holt: Yeah well that’s right and then you know I was one of the people who afterwards stands around six months later and say, “Why didn’t anyone tell me all this stuff before I had a kid so” Dakota Mitchell: So, I know you’ve got some very important statistics that you had right upfront. Sam Holt: Well, look I don’t know how important they are I think it’s just something to bear in mind. I mean I don’t think you want to necessarily acquire this to your own relationship. But yeah I mean the research shows 10% of all couples breakup during pregnancy and 30% of couples break up in the firsts two years of having a kid which not just shows you that the strain it puts on your relationship— Dakota Mitchell: I really think you need to be prepared and I think you know in some of the other topics or points we’ve brought up, communication is really important. Sam Holt: Yeah and making sure you got nine months from the time you find that you’re pregnant to do everything you can to get to know each other again, to understand what each other expectations are and o build that relationship nice and big and strong again. Dakota Mitchell: Yeah definitely. And one of the first questions I know was for us we’re going to raise girls and boys in the same way. And we’re on the same page in terms of how we’re going to raise our family. Sam Holt: Yeah, isn’t amazing that amount of things that you have to talk about in terms of crying and sleeping and feeding. And that’s just never crossed a guy’s mind, yeah. So, to sit down with him and talk about things like when the baby cries— Dakota Mitchell: Who takes care of him? Sam Holt: And who is going to pick him up. How long do we let him cry for. Dakota Mitchell: How are we going to change him, how are we going to discipline him, what school is he going to go to? What religion, you know sometimes— Sam Holt: Yeah and you cannot talk about that stuff now. I mean you design for head clashing you know when the baby come so I think unfortunately it’s a role that women probably have to take to sit down and instigate that conversation. Dakota Mitchell: Yeah we tend to be able— Sam Holt: She’ll be alright. Dakota Mitchell: And along with that and one of the things that we talk about is are we prepared for the relationship change and we’ll touch on that a lilt bit before but you know this is for real at this point. Sam Holt: Yeah I mean once again you know I’ve said many times I was really unprepared I think and I just didn’t understand the magnitude of the change. And anyone who thinks that their relationship won’t change, well they’re wrong. Dakota Mitchell: I would absolutely agree with you yeah. Sam Holt: And as they change up— Dakota Mitchell: Get ready to be second—as we put it in our household and that’s something I think that the women definitely need to talk about with the man. It doesn’t mean when it is going to last but you would want to take different roles when the baby comes and I think that’s the next thing that we talk about. Sam Holt: And that’s one of the really nice spots of the Being Dad DVDs, it’s listening as a father or dad to be, listening to other men talk about how they adjusted to becoming second