Dr. Helen Fisher, world renowned biological anthropologist, discusses her book, "Why Him? Why Her?" Which explains the connection between biology and human attraction.
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My name is Dr. Helen Fisher and the book is “Why Him, Why Her: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type.” For me this was the last big question, why do you fall in love with one person who loves another. I’ve always known there was chemistry in the brain to romantic love but maybe there’s chemistry between certain kinds of people so I began to look into the genetic literature to find out who we are and then who we love. As it turns out there’s a lot of chemicals in the brain that code for the blinking of the eye, the pounding of the heart etcetera but there’s only a few chemicals that seem to be directly related to personality traits. Dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, estrogen and oxytocin and these four chemical types I call this four the builder, the director and the negotiator. The explorer tends to be risk taking, novelty seeking, curious, creative, spontaneous, optimistic. Barack Obama is a perfect example. So is Angelina Jolie very different kinds of people but both have that energy and curiosity. The second type is the builder. These people are calm, social, popular, cautious but not fearful, the traditional often religious. I think George Washington was a good example. Tiger Woods is a good example. The third type is the director. They’re direct, decisive, tough-minded, competitive, ambitious. Hillary Clinton is the perfect example. John McCain is a very good example he use the word fight 43 times in his acceptance speech. The fourth type is what I call the negotiator. They see the big picture. They’re very flexible and imaginative. They’re very intuitive, compassionate. Bill Clinton is a perfect example. Men are expressive of the estrogen as well as women. What I did on Chemistry.com is I studied 40,000 people to see more about this four basic types and then I watched who was chose to go out with whom for a first date. As it turns out, the explorer type, the dopamine type tends to be drawn to people like themselves. They want somebody who’s energetic, enthusiastic, adventurous, curious and creative. To explorers who are drawn to each other I think Barack and Michelle Obama. The builder type, they also go for people like themselves, others who are traditional, other builders. The director, the high testosterone type goes for high estrogen and the high estrogen goes for high testosterone. And I think a very good example of that is Hillary and Bill Clinton. Hillary is the more high testosterone. She is direct. She is decisive. She is tough minded and he’s very drawn to her suit. That’s a very good example. I think that this explains a puzzle that scientists and laymen have wondered forever. Do opposites attract? Do birds of the same feather flock together? And as it turns out it depends on what your personality type is. I think that once you know what type you are, you couldn’t help yourself out on a dating scene. For example, explorers are so charismatic and so interesting. They’re so charming and so I say to them go slower. Don’t leap anything. The builder tends to follow rules and schedules. You’ve got to take some risk. They can be too modest and they should brag a little bit more. The director has to get out there and do the dating. They often find dating a pain in the neck. They want to stay at the desk. They’ll bring the Blackberry on debate and keep working and that’s mistake. The negotiator is so flexible, so kind, so compassionate that people will interpret them as a doormat. They won’t be decisive and so they’ve got a stick up on themselves. They get to stick up for their ideas. Once you figure out who you are and who you’re dating by knowing this personality type you can reach them. You can find and to see things with me. You can win.
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