In this relationship video Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal give you advice on friends with benefits.
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Matt Titus: In a perfect world that seems like the greatest arrangement ever. Tamsen Fadal: Sex without commitment it was somebody you can actually trust. Matt Titus: So why does it rarely work? And where the alliance get blurred between physical satisfaction and emotional attachment? Today we take on friends with benefits. Hey everybody Matt and Tamsen here again. Okay, this is one issue I felt very strong about and so does he. Tamsen Fadal: I love this issue. Matt Titus: Friends with benefits I just don’t think it can work. Tamsen Fadal: Of course you don’t you’re a girl. Matt Titus: I really—not it’s not about that. Tamsen Fadal: It’s perfect are you giving me great sex with someone you’re familiar with, without any relationship, expectations, thank you Sonia I’m in. Matt Titus: Okay but 90% of the time, one of the two people has expectations and then problems that—I don’t care if it’s all the woman or not I’m just saying that 90% of the time I’m telling you that there are certain expectations and no one talks about until there’s a big issue that erupts— Tamsen Fadal: Women have a hard time separating sex and emotion they come together. Men on the other hand that’s all they do there’s sex, there’s emotion they don’t cross. Matt Titus: Do you agree that women are what they want and so if having sex with that person is part of that and that’s a big deal with they eventually think that that’s what’s going to happen is it could turn into a relationship. I’m sorry, this is actually—I don’t like the women to get mad at me but some women I think it’s fine majority I just don’t think it last. Tamsen Fadal: I’m going to say that the problem is compartmentalization. Men are able to know that, okay this relationship has changed now the woman I used to be inlove with and be with all the time and be emotional invested in has now become somebody that I just sleep with. This woman on the other hand— Matt Titus: It sounds like that girls going on grocery shopping and I’m going to have a friend with a benefit and after that I’ll walk it off. Tamsen Fadal: But I’m done. Matt Titus: It’s crazy. Tamsen Fadal: This on the other hand someone that I’m inlove with and I want to be within the whole thing and caboodles over here, we can do that. Women as you can see can't do that at all. Matt Titus: Oh, it’s just us women give me a break the women are going to hate you. Tamsen Fadal: Wont be the first time but seriously. Matt Titus: How do you make it work then if you think it’s so great having make it— Tamsen Fadal: Right there are some rules— Matt Titus: Do you have your friends with benefits list? Tamsen Fadal: I do it’s right here actually. I’m bringing it up for you. And number one is— Matt Titus: That’s a short list. Tamsen Fadal: Keep not to sex to minimum. What I mean by that is if you get too obsess with it then it gives sort even hard for a man to separate out the emotion. Matt Titus: Really? Tamsen Fadal: So two times a month. Matt Titus: Two times a month? Tamsen Fadal: Two times a month that’s safe—seven other week you’re feeling good and make it happen. Matt Titus: Let me see number two, I don’t think number one is going to work. Tamsen Fadal: Number two is don’t spend any plutonic time before or after you have sex, get in and get out. It’s quick. Matt Titus: I’m beginning to hate you. Tamsen Fadal: I’ve got to go. There is number three, no questions about others ever, that’s obvious she can’t—it kind of both way. Matt Titus: Yes I know it’s not your business. You don’t have a place to be asking questions if anybody ask. Tamsen Fadal: Very true, very true. Four, remember your role you’re either the giver or the receiver nothing else. There’s no other thing going on. You’re not going to bring gifts, you’re not going to make sure they’re okay afterwards—nothing. Matt Titus: It’s not valentines day. Tamsen Fadal: Nothing and I won’t even actually talk, there’s no talking actually either— Matt Titus: That’s nice. Tamsen Fadal: I’m just