7th Principle: You're Not Entitled to Freely Dump Your Tensions
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Host: What is the seventh principle for conscious conflict resolution? Chris Wright: The seventh and final basic principle for conscious conflict resolution is; you are not entitled to dump your tensions into your partner’s space. This is really important, it’s human that we have frustrations come up, tensions come up, pressures built up, but it doesn’t mean that you can just take them out on people wherever you are. It’s similar biologically to the bladder, I mean the body can only handle so much pressure, but we have to learn to manage those pressures and we have to setup frame works for relieving those pressures that are healthy and safe, you can not just go wherever you want. So any time you get angry or upset or your feelings get hurt or you are feeling stressed out or tensed that’s fine, but we need to established a positive frame work, a structure for resolving that tension together, and so what that means is, if either one of us, triggers each other or stressed out or tensed, we have two options here, one option would be let’s move into a frame work, let’s create a structure, a positive structure, let’s use tools for resolving what just came up, as we move into the tool section, we are going review the range of tools that we could choose, for processing through this together as a team. The second option is if you we don’t want to use a tool that’s fine, but you can’t keep putting the tension into the space. You have to either leave and go work out or go for walk or go get on the computer or go downstairs and watch TV, but you have to protect the space here, for your partner and for the kids. There’s no excuse for putting tension out into the space. If you didn’t have frameworks and we haven’t, if you didn’t have bathrooms, if you didn’t have positive structures for resolving it, then you have no other way to get it out, to deal with it, so it makes sense. But now as you learn these tools, you will see that there is no excuse for it now. What’s the alternative? The alternative is every time you get upset, you feel like you can just freely express it onto whoever is around you, your partner, your kids. It’s destructive, it’s not honoring, it’s going to back fire, it’s going to over time people have to put up a wall around their hearts around you, because you can’t take responsibility for working through your pressures, your tensions, your stress, in a frame work that resolves it in a way that’s healthy for every body. So it becomes important for us all to learn frameworks to resolve our tensions, because we’re just not entitled to freely complain, blame shame, argue just because we’re full of pressure. It’s okay. Qe’re full of pressure, but we need to learn frame works for resolving it in a healthy way.