1. When you hear someone say “UC,” you don’t think “University of California.”

university of california


2. You understand why the word "Depends" has more than one important meaning.

depends


3. You never want to hear the phrase "I have to go now" again.

i have to go now


4. A "flare" does not belong in a roadside emergency kit.

toilet paper emergency kit


5. You’ve seriously considered carrying a plunger in your purse.

plunger


6. Your “poop” talk is no longer confined to discussing your child’s diapers. And your friends are used to it.

poop talk


7. Everyone you know will give you advice on diet, stress management, and exercise—but all of those people have those perfectly cute colons that actually function.

advice


8. Your doctor tells you not to be stressed or embarrassed by your symptoms...which only causes you to be stressed about not being stressed about your symptoms.

stress and symptoms


9. Instead of checking out where the nearest exit is in the restaurant, you always check out the quickest route to the bathroom.

nearest bathroom


10. You literally LOL when your friends ask if you want to go horseback riding.

horseback riding


11. You learn to say words like “colon” and “rectum” in casual conversation...often with total strangers.

colon in casual conversation


12. You agree that the best thing you can do for yourself is join a gym and exercise—as long as you can get the treadmill closest to the bathroom door.

colon in treadmill closest to bathroom


13. Your friends say “Wow! You’ve lost so much weight!” and ask for your secret, like it’s a GOOD thing.

weight loss


14. You’ve actually “liked” an official UC page on Facebook.

facebook


15. You know that you’re NEVER going to buy the “green” bathroom tissue that feels like tree bark, or really anything less than two-ply. Ever.

eco-friendly toilet paper


16. Your fear of the line at the restroom door exceeds your fear of zombies and spiders combined.

bathroom lines


17. You really want to participate in a walk to raise money for UC research, but only if they have port-a-potties strategically stationed along the route.

walk to raise money


18. You know that the hashtag “#badgut” has nothing to do with beer bellies.

hashtag bad gut


19. Your bathroom is the best decorated room in your house.

bathroom decor


20. Taco Bell is definitely not on your lists of approved restaurants. In fact, no Mexican restaurant is. And neither is Indian, nor Thai, nor anything else that tastes good.

list of approved restaurants


21. The automatic flushing toilet just doesn’t understand that you just might not be ready to leave yet.

automatic flushing toilet


22. The phrase “Trust Your Gut” has absolutely no meaning for you.

trust your gut


23. You join Costco just to buy toilet paper.

costco toilet paper


24. When you got colitis, the bottom didn’t fall out from your world, the world fell out from your bottom.

world fell out


25. When someone shouts, “I hate your guts!” you immediately think “me, too.”

i hate your guts


26. You have your “special pants” for the day after your prednisone treatment.

prednisone special pants


27. You’re on a first name basis with the endoscopy technician.

endoscopy technician


28. The list of foods you can’t eat is longer than your Christmas list.

foods you cant eat list


29. No one wants to go on a road trip with you, because, well, you know.

road trip