Inhibited sexual desire (ISD) is a medical condition with only one symptom: low sexual desire. A person with ISD seldom, if ever, engages in sexual activities. They don’t initiate or respond to a partner’s sexual overtures. This condition is also known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder, sexual aversion, or sexual apathy.
ISD is one of the more common problems couples face today.
ISD can be a primary or a secondary condition. This is an important distinction for treatment purposes. It’s a primary condition if the person with ISD has never had sexual desire.
It’s a secondary condition if the person with ISD began a relationship with normal sexual desire, but later became disinterested.
ISD can also be understood as a relationship issue, which helps to guide medical or psychological treatment. Situational ISD means that the person with ISD has sexual desire for others, but not for their partner. General ISD means the person with ISD has no sexual desire for anyone.
There’s no true normal range for sexual desire because it naturally fluctuates throughout life.
Major life changes that can affect your sexual desire include:
- partner changes (marriage or divorce)
- physical or psychological disability
- work and life imbalance
People seek help when ISD puts stress on their relationships. However, the problem isn’t always a case of ISD. One partner may have an overactive sexual desire. This creates a ‘sexual mismatch,’ which also puts undue strain on a relationship. When this happens, it can:
- erode affection
- cause neglect of the nonsexual relationship
- cause the other partner to lose sexual interest
ISD is often an intimacy issue. Common relationship factors that can reduce sexual desire include:
- toxic communication
- controlling attitudes
- contempt or criticism
- breach of trust (infidelity)
- lack of emotional connection
- spending too little time alone
People who are most at risk of developing ISD have experienced trauma (incest, rape, or sexual abuse), or were taught negative attitudes about sex by their family (or by their religion) while growing up.
There are many medical and psychological factors that can also hamper sexual desire, including:
- painful intercourse
- erectile dysfunction (impotence)
- delayed ejaculation (inability to ejaculate during intercourse)
- negative thinking patterns (anger, dependency, fear of intimacy, or feelings of rejection)
- pregnancy and breast-feeding
- mental health problems (depression, anxiety, low self-esteem)
- use/overuse of alcohol and street drugs
- chronic illness
- pain and fatigue
- side effects of medicines (especially antidepressants and anti-seizure drugs)
- hormonal changes
- low testosterone (in both women and men)
Certain diseases can affect libido (sexual desire). The most common of these are:
- high blood pressure
- coronary heart disease
- sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
- neurological issues
Women who have had breast or vaginal surgery may experience sexual dysfunction, poor body image, and inhibited sexual desire.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a man’s inability to achieve an erection. This can cause ISD in the man, who may feel he is a failure sexually. Perceived failure in both men and women (failure to orgasm, for example) can cause the individual experiencing the dysfunction to have ISD.
Erectile dysfunction isn’t necessarily due to aging. It can be a sign of medical problems such as:
- heart disease
- clogged blood vessels
In the majority of ISD cases, medical conditions aren’t as influential as each partner’s attitude about sexual intimacy.
You may have ISD if you experience low sexual desire and it causes you distress personally or in your relationship.
Your doctor can look for causes of ISD and recommend strategies that may help. After recording your medical history, the doctor may prescribe some or all of the following tests:
- blood tests: to check for diabetes, high cholesterol, thyroid problems, or low testosterone
- pelvic exam: to check for physical changes, such as vaginal dryness, painful areas, or thinning of the vaginal walls
- blood pressure check
- tests for heart disease
- prostate gland examination
After treating any medical conditions, your doctor may recommend evaluation by a sex therapist or psychiatrist, either individually or as a couple.
Psychological and sexual counseling are the primary treatments for ISD. Many couples first need marriage counseling to improve their nonsexual relationship before addressing the sexual component directly.
Communication training is one option that teaches couples how to:
- show affection and empathy
- respect each other’s feelings and perspectives
- resolve differences
- express anger in positive ways
Sexual counseling will help couples learn how to:
- devote time and energy to sexual activities
- find interesting ways to sexually approach their partner
- decline sexual invitations tactfully
You may need individual counseling if your ISD stems from sexual trauma or sexual negativity learned as a child.
Private counseling or drug therapy can treat male problems such as impotence or delayed ejaculation. Drugs such as Viagra can help with ED. It’s important to keep in mind that these drugs only enable erections; they don’t cause them.
The hormones testosterone and estrogen greatly influence a woman’s sex drive. Small doses of estrogen delivered via a vaginal cream or a skin patch can increase blood flow to the vagina. However, long-term estrogen therapy increases the risk of breast cancer and heart disease.
Female testosterone therapy may also help, but it isn’t yet approved by the Food and Drug Administration for treatment of female sexual dysfunction.
Testosterone side effects include:
- mood and personality changes
- excessive body hair
Certain lifestyle changes can have a positive effect on sexual desire while also improving overall health.
Set aside time for intimacy. If one or both partners’ schedules are very busy, it can help to put dates on your calendar to make intimacy a priority in your relationship.
Exercise. Working out can elevate your mood, improve libido, increase stamina, and create a more positive self-image.
Communicate. Talking openly and honestly fosters a closer emotional connection. It may also help to tell your partner your sexual likes and dislikes.
Manage stress. Learning better ways to manage financial pressures, work stress, and the hassles of daily life can help you to relax.
Couples therapy is often a successful treatment for ISD. Treatment can be more challenging for men — both in counseling and drug therapy.
Counseling can be a lengthy process, but it can enhance a couple’s attitude toward each other and improve their general outlook on life.