Although women’s sexuality has been brought more into the open during the past few decades, women continue to get mixed messages about sexual expression. If you look at the covers of many popular women’s magazines, you can see that they’re frequently filled with articles offering advice on how to please your man or sizzling secrets for the bedroom. At the same time, girls and women are taught to save “it” for someone special, and young women who acknowledge and take control of their sexual selves can be unfairly labeled as “whores.”

Some women are taught to believe that:

  • they should not self-pleasure (masturbate), especially if they are in a relationship.
  • they should not get a bad reputation but should be as sexy as possible.
  • they should wait for the man to initiate sex.
  • they should not have sex during their periods.
  • they should have mind-blowing orgasms with every sexual encounter.
  • the goal of sex is an orgasm.
  • sexual activity should result in intercourse.
  • their genitals have a naturally unpleasant odor.
  • their bodies will never live up to society’s view of beautiful.

It is no wonder that some women are confused and uncomfortable with their bodies, expect men to know everything, fake orgasms, and sit around waiting for Mr. (or Ms.) Right to sweep them off their feet.

Men and women need the same things for a fulfilling sex life: self-knowledge about their bodies, facts about sexuality, awareness of options available to them, and techniques to improve their skills, both physically and verbally. 

The Physical Facts

  • Most women need direct clitoral stimulation for an elongated period of time.
  • Most women get to orgasmic inevitability but don’t realize they need to focus and tense to actually have the orgasm. 
  • Women need harder stimulation in the later phases of arousal because the clitoris retracts.
  • With partner sex, a woman’s sexual experience is more satisfying when she knows her partner will provides the physical stimulation she needs.
  • Women are more likely to reach orgasm through self-pleasuring (masturbation) than intercourse.
  • Women are more likely to reach orgasm through manual or oral stimulation (performed by a partner) than intercourse.
  • Lubrication during sexual excitement varies greatly among women and can depend on many factors, such as state of health, age, mood, or partner. Many women find that store-bought lubricant increases sexual pleasure.

The Psychological Facts

  • Women are taught that they are givers and should focus on making others happy first. This can impede their ability to receive and respond to touch.
  • A woman’s sexual satisfaction is usually related to knowing that her partner accepts her desires and preferences.
  • Many women need to feel connected to their partner in order to enjoy sex.
  • Women fantasize more when their sex lives are good. Fantasy is a great stimulator, and our own sexual experiences provide rich material from which to draw.

Become More Sexually Knowledgeable

To expand your knowledge and ideas about sexuality, try the following:

  • Learn as much as possible about your body and how to keep it healthy. This includes exercise and nutrition.
  • Talk with other women about what it really means to be sexual, not just what films, TV, and magazines say it means.
  • Examine your genitals with a mirror. Learn to identify the parts [LINK TO Basics – External Genitals].
  • Learn about your own sexual preferences. [LINK TO Have Better Sex]
  • Have a frank discussion with your partner about your sexual preferences [LINK TO How to Talk to Your Partner about Sex].
  • Devote time to taking care of yourself. Say no to things you do not want to do. Say yes to things that make you happy.
  • The surest way to discover what excites you and produces an orgasm is to self-pleasure (masturbate).