Society sends many messages to men about sexuality. For example, men are taught to believe that they:
- can always get an erection.
- should initiate sex.
- always want sex.
- should be in control.
- give women mind-blowing orgasms.
- should have a big penis, and if they don’t, they are inadequate.
- should know what to do in the bedroom.
- should succeed.
- should hide any feelings of inadequacy or vulnerability
Men are taught to conform to these myths and can develop negative feelings as a result, especially if their sexual needs differ from societal standards. The restrictions imposed by these standards may inhibit men from exploring the full range of their sexual options.
Men and women need the same things for a fulfilling sex life: self-knowledge about their bodies, facts about sexuality, awareness of the options available to them, and knowledge about techniques to improve their skills, both physically and verbally.
Men usually get their sex education and information from peers and popular culture. Friends will brag about who or what they did, and men’s magazines emphasize a certain type of sexual performance and an image of virility. In this context, things like performance, competition, and accomplishment are overly — and erroneously — emphasized.
To expand your views of sexuality, try some of the following:
- Ask your partner to caress you, and say how you would like to be touched.
- Consciously breathe during sex.
- Say yes when you want to.
- Say no when you want to.
- Have sex only when you want it.
- Self-pleasure (masturbate) slowly.
- Fantasize when you self-pleasure.
- Touch yourself all over, and notice where it feels good.
- Talk about sex with your partner.
- Have a sexual experience with your partner without having intercourse.
- Touch your partner’s body for your own pleasure.
- Take care of your body.