What Every Zombie Wants Under the Tree
A Gift for Every Zombie
We all know a zombie or two. They’re the people so involved in what they love that they often seem unresponsive and driven by unseen forces, whether it’s the hunger for human flesh or working out at the gym. We’ve put together some healthy gift ideas for every kind of zombie on your holiday shopping list.Original zombie artwork by Alexander Iaccarino
The Texting Zombie
Some people can seem like zombies while texting on their phones: they walk aimlessly, oblivious to anything around them. If you have a texter on your shopping list, help keep them charged with a PowerGen Mobile Juice Pack. It can hold two full iPhone recharges and doubles as a flashlight, should a real emergency arise.Original zombie artwork by Alexander Iaccarino
The Computer Zombie
Spending hour after hour on the computer can make a person feel like they’re part of the living dead, especially if their posture is a victim to such a zombism. Add a bit of comfort to the deskbound by giving the gift of Homedics’ Shiatsu Lumbar Massager. Sure, their flesh may be decomposing, but it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable.
The Gaming Zombie
When some gamers are in their element, they can appear zoned out—and sun-deprived—just like a zombie, except their violence stays on the screen. To help maximize their screen time and reach the next level, get them the new Thermaltake eSports Level 10 M Gaming Mouse. The lumbar massager works for this group as well.
The Lazy Zombie
Some zombies just aren’t as motivated as others. If you’re hoping to encourage your zombie to get moving, try giving them the best-selling travel book, 1,000 Places to See Before You Die. Hopefully your beloved zombie can take the whole “living dead” thing as inspiration to get off the couch and explore the world.
The Running Zombie
The scariest part of zombies is that they’re fast and never tire. Many of them get this way from endless endurance training. If your favorite flesh-eater is training for the gold, help keep them going with some Superfeet insoles or a running belt, such as the Nathan Speed 2R Auto-Cant Waist Pack. All that chasing down humans can be exhausting and these gifts will help keep them sprinting.
The Yoga Zombie
All that ohming and chanting in yoga might sound like the undead rising from their graves, but if you know an obsessed yogi, you’re used to it by now. A good way to show support for your favorite bendy buddy’s passion is with the Manduka Black Mat Pro Yoga Package. This mat-bag combo will have them Namaste-ing long into the New Year.
The Gym Zombie
Does your favorite zombie even lift, bro? Well, if he does, he’s going to need something to carry all his gym gear in. Try the TrekMate Outback Duffle Bag. This military-grade duffle is strong enough to carry anything and the lockable zippers keep out any unwanted snoops. It’s also handy to have if your zombie has to hit the road in search of fresh flesh.
The Foodie Zombie
While a compulsion to feast on humans is a caveat of zombism, some have more refined palates and prefer white linens under their plates. To make sure they’re not getting too fattened up on foie gras, encourage some healthy home cooking with More Healthy Homestyle Cooking. With 200 recipes, there are plenty of foodie-friendly ideas.
The Drinking Zombie
Nothing quite cleanses the palate of human flesh like a good wine (just ask Dr. Hannibal Lecter). A nice bottle of red is a great gift for any wine lover and great for anyone’s heart, even if it doesn't beat. The Jester Cabernet Sauvignon by Mitolo is rated one of the best wines for under $20. Any zombies who have troubles holding onto their drinks while wandering for brains will love a Croozie to minimize spillage.
The Smoking Zombie
Smokers are often characterized as mindlessly puffing away. If you want to improve the health of your favorite zombie, give them a better smoking alternative: an e-cigarette. Blu makes several varieties and flavors that can hopefully get your smoking zombie to switch to a healthier habit.
The Zombie Zombie
Know someone who loves zombies as much as we do? You can feed their need for the undead with The Walking Dead Compendium I & II. If they’re more of a classic fan, anything by zombie king George Romero will surely be a hit. There’s also The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead, so your favorite zombie-loving zombie knows what they’re up against with their beating-heart, living counterparts.
For All Other Zombies
It’s true that zombies love brains, so if you want to make all your zombie friends happy, don’t forget to protect yours until it’s ready to be harvested. The Bern Watts Hard Hat Helmet is a good idea for anyone who bikes, skates, or could use a little extra protection. You don’t want to bump your head and turn into a mindless zombie, do you?