Stupid Pet Accessories
Toys to Make Your Pet Hate You
Pets are pretty easy to please: some food, some water, loads of affection, some petting, a place to poop, something to chew or claw, and they’re happy. Still, their human counterparts have found numerous ways to complicate these simple and loving creatures.
Follow along this slideshow to know more about some of the dumbest attempts people have made to humanize their furry pals.
Chew Toys That Look Like Things That Shouldn’t Be Chewed
You give your dog things to chew on so he won’t chew on expensive things, like clothing electronics and more. Then again, you can also buy dog chew toys in the shape of shoes, remotes, iPods, and other things you don’t want him to chew on. Buy him one of those and your dog will turn his head in confusion when you catch him chewing on the real thing.
Costumes for Pets
If you’re looking to make sure your dog has absolutely no dignity, dress it up. That’s right, put a tutu on your bulldog. Maybe even get him some fake tattoos. Or you can be like all the rage in Japan right now and dye them to look like a panda bear.
While you’re dressing them up, they’re plotting. Slowly plotting. Do you know what cats and dogs want to dress like? Cats and dogs.
Perfume for Pets
Animals have much stronger senses of smells than humans. While you think your dog might smell like a dog, dousing them in perfume or cologne—even if it’s specially made for them—is just downright wrong. Regular baths should keep your pet smelling good enough that you don’t need to make it reek like a bad fashion magazine.
Diapers for Dogs
We can understand that Fido might have a bit of gastrointestinal problems if he’s prone to get into the garbage, but strapping a crap trap to him is a sign of an extremely lazy owner. That, and why would you want to clean it out of his fur later?
Babies wear diapers. Dogs aren’t babies. Dogs are dogs.
Fur Coats for Pets
We can understand that short-haired pets might get a little cold when they go for a walk in colder climates, but covering a furry animal in even more fur seems a bit over the top, even for socialites who give their pets diamond-studded collars.
What’s worse, is giving them something closer to human hair, which is on the next slide.
Dog Wigs & Weaves
Really? Really? C’mon now!
We’re all for a little fun, but keeping a wig on your dog, or worse installing a possibly painful weave into its fur is cause to call the humane society. It’s a dog, not a doll. It doesn’t need a mullet, up-do, dreads, or any kind of monstrosity on its head. It has all it needs: fur and ears.
Does your dog come home at odd hours of the night, smelling like alcohol, and swearing up a storm? Is your dog’s drinking becoming a problem for the whole family? Well, you might want to get him some Bowser Beer or Happy Tail Ale. It’s a non-alcoholic substitute to help him regain his sobriety.
Unless your dog really is an alcoholic, there’s no real point, other than the vitamins they sneak in there.
If your dog has a Twitter account, you should really evaluate your life. Worse, if your dog is wearing a collar that provides tweets throughout the day, you need a restraining order. Puppy Tweets follows your dog’s motions and tweets or texts for more than 500 different activities. If you need to know when your dog is licking himself, that’s your prerogative.
And that brings us to the next toy…
Sex Dolls for Pets
This makes us uncomfortable, too.
Next slide, please.
Catfisher Mouse Mitt Cat Toy
Maybe Tim Burton came up with this idea while directing Edward Scissorhands, but we have a hard time grasping why anyone would need a glove with 12-inch long fingers with four—count ‘em, four—cat toys attached to it.
Then again, if you want to secure your spot as the craziest cat lady in your neighborhood, this is a sound investment in your future.
Take Care of Your Pets
Your pets do a great job of keeping you healthy, so you owe it to them to do the same. After all, they are members of the family. Still, when your beloved pets become sick or ill, you want to care for them just like they’re your child. Learn more about pet health in Healthline’s Guide to Pet Health.
Then again, if you’re looking for a good pet for kids, check out our list of good creatures for kids.