Ben Morrison blogs with an abundance of humor about Crohn's disease.See all posts »
Not many people who have to pick up a dog's poop look at it with envy, but Crohn's comic Ben Morrison is the exception to the rule.
I'm dog-sitting my girlfriends two dogs and I'm jealous of how well they poo. Axl is a young Yorkie and Bella is an old Chihuahua. Both have a healthy digestive system, which is regularly exercised on my rug. I'd be angrier with them when it happens if I wasn't so envious of how effortlessly they do it, and how satisfying it looks when it's going down.
It didn't start like this. As this is the first time I've ever looked after a dog, I hadn't yet developed the nonchalance dog owners exhibit with poo. Nervously I'd approach it as if it might spring up and bite my fingers and averting my eyes deliver it into a plastic grave. But with time and necessity, my guard began to fall and the true beauty of their unfettered bowels began to become clear. It's a world I have not known for a long time, and miss.
Tearily, I remember they days when I could cough out a smooth brown banana as my Crohn’s now renders my bowels as unpredictable as a the weather in New England. But in watching these dogs I'm seeing two other living things eat, digest and evacuate and I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me wistful every time Bella spins in a circle, drops her rear, and let's out what by all accounts is a gorgeous doggie turd.
And it is gorgeous. Round on all sides, firm to the touch, their poo has great little ridges, the sure sign of a healthy sphincter. The dogs never seem in pain when crapping and they can produce healthy feces with a schedule that would make UPS jealous. As their food is dry, bland, and nourishing their bodies grab only the nutrients and push the excess out like a Vegas bouncer. I suppose this is just the way things are supposed to be, but as someone not privy to this world I find it as cute as I find them. And they are cute.
Even their poops.