Colonoscopy Sweepstakes?

I was watching TV tonight, killing a few minutes during the commercials, and happened to catch an advertisement for something rather peculiar.

Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw Ozzy Osbourne, in full regalia, promising to give away a free colonoscopy. Did I hear that right? I had to rewind the DVR and watch it again to be sure. Turns out it’s not something off the Crazy Train, this is for real.

In cooperation with CBS and New York Presbyterian Hospital, Ozzy and his wife Sharon, a colon cancer survivor, are hosting the CBS Cares Colonoscopy Sweepstakes as a colon cancer awareness campaign. Alan Kalter, announcer for David Letterman’s Late Show, provides the official voice of the promotion.

Sharon is quoted in the CBS press release,

“Ozzy and I are proud to be part of this innovative project by CBS,” said Osbourne.  “My life was saved by a colonoscopy that Ozzy urged me to have and I hope everyone who sees the campaign will enter the sweepstakes and talk to their doctor about the importance of screenings.”

The sweepstakes is open to US residents age 40-79. Entrants can register online and a random drawing will be held on March 13, 2012. All aboard!

According to the CBS Cares video the sweepstakes winner will “fly to New York for three days in a luxury hotel… then sit back, relax, and enjoy a complimentary colonoscopy.”

Now that’s where I start to ask questions… will room service be offering a special menu of clear liquids and laxatives? Beef broth with a side of GoLytely, perhaps? Fleet Phospho cocktail? I can easily say that not even a toilet in the Waldorf Astoria could help me enjoy the preparations for a colonoscopy. Terrycloth toilet paper or not. Regardless, it would be quite a story to tell. And that’s what I call Poopin’ in the Ritz.