If you listen to the Internet, diabetes has been cured! In fact, there are many cure options to choose from. Our Top 10 faves include:
1. Mice Cures
Our furry little friends seem to be getting cured every week. In this most recent example, they were cured using a common blood pressure medicine, Verapamil. The Alabama researchers are planning human trials, but you know… how that goes.
2. The “Good Fat” Cure
OK, so a substance called FAHFA (fatty acid hydroxyl acid) helps cells secrete insulin. But really, Huffington Post? Did you have to put the ‘C word’ in the headline? And what’s with the fat mouse photo?
3. The Breakthrough Pill CURE
Yup, this headline has CURE in ALL CAPS, and states that “a probiotic pill…could spell the end for diabetes agony.” Thank you, British tabloid. The pill, btw, is Lactobacillus, something used to prevent and treat diarrhea and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). Now wouldn’t that be a novel source of the CURE?
4. One Simple Injection!
This one’s an especially big tease: All you need is one shot of the protein FGF1 to restore blood sugar levels to a healthy range for two days. Wait, two days?! How exactly is that a cure? The article says, “scientists believe this could lead to a new generation of safer, more effective diabetes drugs.” Which of course is not a cure at all, but just more drugs…
5. Raw Food
We hear this all over the place – just eat a raw food diet, and lose the diabetes. But this guy Gabriel Cousins had the audacity to write a book about it, with the title “There Is A Cure for Diabetes.” Eyes. Rolling. Back. In. Head. The description says, “this book introduces and proposes a raw food diet to control diabetes.” And since when is “control” equivalent to “cure”? We know you want to sell books, but seriously, pull your head out, Cousins.
It’s that everything nice spice that of course would have eliminated diabetes by now if it could have. But some continue to believe. And of course, cinnamon must cure diabetes. After, all it’s on Youtube.
7. The “Just Do It Better” Cure
Seriously, People. If you just ate better, exercised harder, and were more “compliant,” you could reverse your diabetes in… a matter of weeks. What is wrong with you People? What are you whining about? Or if that’s all too hard, you could get weight loss surgery. Yeah, kiss my… adherence.
8. Weird Chemical Cures
These are especially fun to discuss with well-meaning relatives who send you the articles, right? “No Aunt Rose, that chemical found in Ayahuasca probably isn’t going to help me any time soon.”
9. Mystery Miracle Cures
It’s good to know there are “amazing treatments” accompanied by long-winded videos that have actually been used by enthusiastic, marathon-running patients. It’s also good to know that this all-natural “Diabetes Miracle Cure” comes with a 60-day money back guarantee, which makes it completely risk free!
But beware (and I quote): “The Diabetes Miracle Cure comes in a digital format only, which is probably its only downside. However even this downside has its positives, because anyone who buys the program will get an access to it immediately after the purchase and does not have to wait for days or weeks, until the program arrives by regular mail. Not to mention, that there is also no need to pay anything extra for shipping.” Oh yay!
10. The Water Cure
Last not least – Golly, why didn’t we think of this? – you can just drink water to cure your diabetes. Seriously, there is a whole water-cure culture out there. The tragedy, according to this movement? “Not recognizing adult-onset diabetes as a complication of dehydration.” Funny, I’ve been guzzling loads of water every day since my diagnosis, and nothing cure-ish yet. Guess I’m not doing it right. Maybe I DO need to purchase those Water RX audiotapes containing the 10-hour educational program. Or… NOT!
Anyway, with all these cures out there, who needs treatments?! Time to dump your pump, right?
Go out and tell a friend! (Today is April 1 after all )