Wil Dubois

Diabetes isn't very loving, but here at the 'Mine, we do our best to support you! Welcome to another edition of our weekly advice column, Ask D'Mine, hosted by veteran type 1, diabetes author and community educator Wil Dubois.

In today's Valentine's Day edition, Wil takes up a question on diabetes, and um... intimate moments. And what if you're not the only PWD in the house and bed? Yup, here's some advice you might need in your diabetic household on this most romance-laden day of the year. Beware: some R-rated content ensues.

 

{Need help navigating life with diabetes? Email us at AskDMine@diabetesmine.com}

 

Becky, type 1 from Mississippi, writes: I’ve been type 1 for a few years but just recently started pumping and got a CGM, and I’m not feeling fit for romance with all this gear on my body. Some of my D-sisters have said guys don’t care about such things, but I’m not convinced. Lumpy transmitters, white tape (my skin is dark brown, thanks a lot, tape companies), weird connectors, and tubes… Are you kidding me? I’m supposed to look hot with all this life-support gear? I need a guy view from a straight shooter, so naturally, Wil, you came to mind. Give it to me straight: can I still be hot and half-machine?

Wil@Ask D’Mine answers: Romance, diabetes, gear, hot chicks…I love it! What a great Valentine’s Day gift your question is, Becky, thank you! So shooting straight, let me say that there’s probably not a man on the planet who doesn’t think that Star Trek Voyager’s Seven of Nine, played by actress Jeri Ryan, isn’t hot. And she’s literally half machine. Mixing machinery and flesh isn’t really a problem for men, since it’s the two things we love most: Gals and Gear. Don’t believe me? Just look to the millions of dollars we men spend each year on posters and calendars that mix half-naked women with hot cars, rad motorcycles, and classic airplanes.

But that’s outside the bedroom. When it actually comes to getting naked with a lady, we tend to lose all interest in machines to the point where we no longer notice them at all. Why? Because there’s a lot to take in when beholding a naked woman.

Now you ladies think that all of you have the same basic equipment in your birthday suits, but nothing could be farther from the truth. The curve of every woman’s hip is different. The slope of her stomach is hers and hers alone. Belly buttons aren’t just limited in “innies” and “outies”; some are perfectly round, some are vertical ovals, others horizontal ovals. Breasts—one of my favorite assets on any woman—vary not only in inches and cups, but in shape as well. Breasts can be round, oval, conical, and more. Nipples range in color, size, and shape. The placement of a lady’s breasts on her chest varies. Sometimes they are high, sometimes lower. Some breasts are perky, others hang like ripe fruit ready to be harvested. The space between the breasts varies too; some women have deep cleavage, others have a flat space where you can comfortably rest your hand between her breasts.

As you can probably tell, I’m yet to meet a pair I didn’t like.

Other guys are particularly drawn to butts, and here again the variety of shape, size, curve and crack is endless. On the other side of the butt, patterns of pubic hair are diverse. Sometimes thin, sometimes thick, sometimes curly, sometimes straight. And the styles for maintaining it are as varied as the hairstyles on women’s heads, too—long, short, trimmed, shaped, or shaved.

And that’s just the gifts of nature. There’s also jewelry, tattoos, and piercings to take in. Hmmmm… Just what is that design on her inner thigh? Just like under the Christmas tree, you never know what you’re going to find if you get lucky enough to unwrap a woman. And with so much to see, and hopefully touch, do you really think we men have the mental bandwidth to pay attention to an insulin pump or a CGM transmitter? Hah!

I can pretty much guarantee that the only time a man will notice your pump when you’re naked is if you’re having a one-night stand with a male type 1, in which case the conversation might go something like this: “Ooooh, is that the new Animas Vibe? OhMyGod, I haven’t seen one of these babies yet. Can I touch it?” But once he gets close enough to touch your pump, the blood will drain out of his brain into his lower portions and he’ll want to touch something else instead.

ValentinesDayDiabetesLove

So that’s men. In the first place, we really don’t mind machinery in any context. We’re gear-heads by nature and love machines, gadgets, and tools almost as much as we love the female form in all its infinite variety. Mixing our pleasures is not a problem for us, but in reality, once the action gets close, we’ll get myopic about all else but your natural assets. Women’s bodies just turn us on. Sorry feminists, that’s just the way we’re wired by nature and the sooner everyone gets over it and adjusts to the facts, the better off we’ll all be.

And how do guys view women we’ve been seeing naked for years? Well, you’ll be happy to know that love completely blinds us to the things you’re critically scowling at in the mirror: The “unsightly” rolls of fat you hate, the cellulite, the varicose veins, the stretch marks and wrinkles. We just don’t see that. We have an amazing ability to focus all of our attention on your best assets and to completely ignore any “defects.” Oh, and the hornier we get, the more we don’t see the things that bother you about your body. Desire, affection, and pure lust blind us. And if we’re blind to fat, cellulite, varicose veins, stretch marks, and wrinkles, do you really think we’re going to notice that piece of diabetes plastic there?

So Becky, trust me on this: neither new men nor long-term lovers are going to be put off by your diabetes gear. That’s the straight dope. You are totally sexy, gear or no gear. Hell, even if we did notice the pump and the CGM before things get started, they’ll disappear from our awareness as soon as your pants hit the floor. Your diabetes stuff is a total non-issue.

Unless, that is, you make it so.

Here’s a secret every intrinsically one knows, but few recognize: Confidence is sexy and insecurity is a turn-off. A plain woman who is confident and comfortable in her skin (and gear) is more beautiful to most men than a Playboy centerfold who’s awkward, shy, and won’t take her top off with the lights on. So if you feel unsexy you’ll project unsexy, and we’ll pick up on that. The bottom line is that we want you, and we’ll only get weirded out about stuff if you get weirded out about it.

So to really rock the romance this V-day, you need to get over your fears and let yourself feel sexy; and I hope my straight-shooting dissertation on how we guys see you gals will give you the nudge you need.

Because, believe me, any male on the planet will find you sexy simply because you are: (1) a woman, (2) interested in him, and (3) willing to share some skin with him. For us men, that’s about as sexy as it gets. All you need to do is own that fact and love yourself. We’ll follow suit.

PS: Next week I’m going to spend some time on the issue of white medical tape and the 50 shades of human skin.

 

Disclaimer: This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.