Last night I had an Epiphany: I am tired of thinking about diabetes.
Alas, what a useless revelation! Because pending a cure, I will, of course, need to keep thinking about this disease at least every few hours for the rest of my life (Silent Scream...)
Epiphany Part II: I refuse to feel sorry for myself. But a little venting now and then is a healthy thing, I think.
1) My strategy of doing "just enough" to maintain good control without going crazy has backfired (as in NOT keeping me where I want to be). "Just enough" is apparently not enough with diabetes.
2) My dosing-for-chocolate strategy is also failing. While I used to hit the mark pretty well, I'm now finding that I'm either sky-high at bedtime and over-correcting, leading to mid-night lows; or I check in OK at bedtime but go sky-high overnight as the chocolate hits its delayed peak. Either way, I lose. Sucks! ... especially since there's no long-term separating me and chocolate. *sigh*
3) Glucose checks at 2am. My endo insisted on this, to discover what's really going on overnight and hopefully nudge down my A1c. But as a Mommy x3, sleep is more precious than chocolate, you understand. So I've compromised on checking whenever I happen to wake up in the night to pee -- which happens every night, but at varied hours. Of course it remains to be seen if this new version of "just enough" actually gets me anywhere.
4) Continuous monitor lust. They're starting to hit the market en force, but still aren't quite affordable or practical. MiniMed's Guardian RT is tre pricey ($2,700 + up to $5,000/yr for the sensors). DexCom STS is considerably less so ($800 for the Starter Kit + up to $4,000/yr. for sensors), but still a sizeable investment and not covered by any insurance. And now MiniMed's new first-ever combo pump/continuous monitor system (Paradigm REAL-Time) looks pretty darn exciting, but still runs high ($1,000 on top of pump price, plus ?? sensor costs), and is still not covered by insurance. In short, waiting IMPATIENTLY for new technology to come to my aid here. Old story, new (im)patient.
5) And last, Not Least: Health Insurance FEARS. The proposed s1955 bill under debate, aka the "Health Insurance Marketplace Modernization and Affordability Act" is a SHAM that could wipe out vital health care coverage for EVERYONE WHO REALLY NEEDS IT (people with any chronic or ongoing condition that requires continuous care). The bill seeks to save the government some money short-term, but foolishly ignores the long-term soaring costs it will create by denying people the immediate "maintenance" care they need to avoid the astronomically expensive consequences of their conditions. Got that?!
Translation: in the words of California Insurance Commissioner John Garamendi, "it will do nothing to control healthcare costs. Instead it will simply shift them to older and sicker individuals." I personally would prefer not to wait that long to get what I need for my diabetes! ... I haven't posted enough about this and yet am silently stressing over it. Horrible strategy. Please click below for a very fast and easy way to protest.
Anyway, that's my Top 5 for now. I could soooo go on, but anything more seems oppressive, and crosses the line established in Epiphany Part II. Stay tuned for next month's installment.