Summer Camp & Independence

Well it is summer again and if your kids are lucky, they are preparing for summer camp. Our family favorite is the old-fashioned camp - crafts, campfires, silly songs, talent shows, mess halls, pools, and ropes courses.

Preparation means writing your last name on everything, deciding which clothes and towels you never need to use again, buying aloe vera gel for sunburns, biodegradable soap, Costco sized sunscreen, enough toiletries for everyone to take some, and my favorite, bug sprays - from 99% deet for spraying at the bottom of pants and around the edges of bedding to 30% deet for arms. legs, and scalps!

If this is your child's first time at camp, last summer's post about preparing your child for being away from home might be useful. If your child is a seasoned camper, they are probably just excited, but I encourage you not to let them pack by themselves. I cannot tell you how many times I say, "are you packed?" and the answer is "yes," and then I march in, ask for the packing list, and as my child puts stuff in the suitcase, I start down the list, "14 pairs of underwear," "check," "14 pairs of socks," "check," "7 pairs of pants," "check," "7 pairs of shorts," "check," "2 towels," "oops," "sleeping bag," "oh I'll get that," and it goes down hill from there!

"Packed" seems to be a relative term to teenagers, so beware! Nothing will help you worry less than knowing you watched the important things go into the suitcase! Remember if they are traveling alone to get to the airport early, request a gate pass to walk them to the gate through security, and have them show you their passport, boarding tickets, money, etc... before you leave them.

Apart from knowing they have the "things" they need, if you are the parent of a junior or senior in high school, preparing for your teen being away this summer may bring up some anxiety about how close you are to having your teen leave home for college. As teens get older, they also are gone for longer periods of time, which adds to our anxiety. Try hard not to let it show - teens need our support and encouragement - and they may already be nervous.

For parents of the older teens trying to get your kids ready for two to four weeks away at camp, I send peaceful blessings! I know this phase of parenting is tough, but remember, this is our job - we are supposed to prepare them to be independent and happy adults. Helping them manage being away from home for a couple of weeks is a good trial for leaving home and being away for months at a time.

You can send them with the required summer reading, laundry soap and money for free time, remind them to take their vitamins and floss their teeth, and not lose their retainer, but then, you sit back and let them grow up. They will forget the bug spray until they get bit, forget the sunscreen until they burn, choose not to floss for a while, and forget to sort the clothes when doing laundry, but they need to learn.

They will also miss you, even if they never say it, so remember to plan ahead and send letters so they get them during camp - but no pictures - that might make them cry!

Have fun and remember to ask them to teach you a silly camp song when they return - next year you can hum it while they are gone!

photo credit: boltron-

Labels: Healthline, Parenting, Travel

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Staycations with Teens

Last month when my teens and I were planning our road trip to do community service at our beloved wolf sanctuary (Howling Acres) and to see the University of Oregon, at Eugene, which is on my eldest daughter's short list for college, I heeded my own advice and "checked in" with them about how excited they were about the trip.

What they said surprised me, and led to a radically different vacation. My teens were thinking that with camps and half the summer spent with their other parent, the two weeks we would be traveling were their only two weeks at home this summer and they were thinking maybe they would rather stay home!

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, my teens and I joined the thousands of families in the United States this summer who, faced with very busy school year schedules, rising gas prices, an uncertain economy, and one income that does not seem to go as far as it used to, decided to stay at home instead of taking our annual summer vacation.

We made a list of all of the cool places in the San Francisco Bay Area that we had not visited ever or recently, activities we wanted to do including an all day Monopoly game, days with friends, the beach, baking pies, picking blackberries, visiting IFly, and then developed a calendar in which we could sleep late, eat out a lot, and do at least one thing someone wanted to do each day.

We are one week into our "staycation" and I have to say we are all relaxed, happy, well into our summer reading books, and completely enjoying our family time. My house has seen better days, and there is a lot of laundry to do next week, but I recommend this to everyone!

Here's to lazy summer days!

Photo credit: guldfisken

Labels: Healthline, Parenting, Travel

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Vacation and Financial Education

While I am in vacation planning mode I realized that an important consideration in every family about what the vacation will include is the total cost of a vacation.

Whether you stay with family or friends, drive, fly, leave the country, go to an amusement park, have a picnic, take a helicopter ride, or hike a mountain, may well have to do with your family budget, which you may or may not be used to sharing with your children.

Planning a vacation is a great way to introduce budgeting to your teens and help them understand how expensive traveling can be. It is fair and reasonable that the parent(s) pick the total cost of the vacation, which usually decides the number of days you can travel. Once the total is decided on, then make a list of the other expenses including travel (e.g., car rental, airfare, gas, parking at the airport or a super shuttle to/from the airport), accommodations (e.g., hotels or a thank you gift for family or a friend), food, activities, souvenirs, and unexpected costs.

If you are comfortable, let the kids go wild, picking everything they want, identify the costs and then total it up. If it is over your budget, then start helping them prioritize what is important. Is the convertible worth the extra $200 a week? Is a 4-star hotel as important as being able to spend the day at an amusement park? Would everyone be happy taking a cooler and making sandwiches every day versus going out for lunch. Are there places to stay that include a breakfast for everyone? Other important things might be to give everyone a souvenir budget for the whole trip - that they decide how to spend, but once it is spent, there is no more.

Picking restaurants, activities, distance from home, mode of travel, etc. all may be easier and quicker if done by a parent, but teens will get some great planning skills and financial education by participating in the process. Good luck planning!

Phot credit: Jacob.Enos

Labels: Financial Education, Healthline, Teen Development, Travel

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Planning Vacations With Teens

It is summertime again and the vacation is coming! I am sorry to say but long gone are the years when the parents decided what the vacation would be, when it would be, and which activities would happen. Sorry, now you have teenagers.

If, as a parent, you are consciously trying to give more autonomy and responsibility to your teens, and teach them the things that we know as grownups, then it is time to include them in the planning. Just because you have gone someplace every year, seen certain relatives, or always done a certain activity, does not mean that, now that your kids are teens, it would be their first pick.

Respect and love in family vacation planning mean that everyone gets to do what they love, or at least some of what they love. Chances are good that in your family, like mine, you have very different personalities. One person wants to do an all day zip line safari, one wants to edit a chapter of a book she is writing, one wants to kayak, and one wants to see a museum.

You may be lucky and have malleable teens who will do what they are told, and never complain, but that does not mean they are happy or learning how to make a memorable vacation happen. More likely, if you have not included the teen in the planning, you have a teen who seems reluctant during the planning, not very excited about the trip, says "do I really have to come?" or worse ye, is sullen and withdrawn during the entire vacation.

Any reluctance or ambivalence is a clue that your teen does not feel included in the planning, and is likely not going to have the best time in the world. Fear not! It is never too late to include them. Haul out the map, or the go to the Chamber of Commerce in the city where you will be visiting via the Internet, and tell the kids it is time they helped plan the vacation. Depending on your plan, the teens in the family can be given a day to plan, or an activity to pick, or a place to stop along the drive. Letting them pick some of what they do will add to their excitement and make them more tolerant of doing the things other people in the family want to do.

A few other hints: 1) have media-free time during the day - whether it is an hour or until after dinner, people can only interact if they are not focused on a screen or the music blaring in their ears; 2) food should be included in the planning and be a high point of every day - let them help plan, shop, prepare, serve, and clean-up; and 3) parents - unplug - no work, checking messages, answering email, etc... family is the most important now!

Have a great vacation!

Photo credit: M o d e

Labels: Healthline, Parenting, Teen Development, Travel

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Preparing Your Teen/Preteen for Being Away from Home

Summer brings opportunities for preteens and teens to spread their wings and for those lucky enough, a chance to go away to camp. Preparing your child to be away from home can reduce the chances of and degree to which they may feel homesick.

Most camps restrict contact with home to letters while kids are at camp because it is easier for the kids to not have phone contact while away. You can provide comfort to your child by sending letters early so that they get mail while at camp. I learned the hard way that pictures are not a great thing to send. One year I made a collage of family and pet pictures to send to my daughter and when she came home, she told me that the collage had been the only letter that made her miss us.

Here are some suggestions to help your child adjust to being away from home:

• Start early preparing your child. Find out what is worrying your child about being away from home and let them know what they can expect - about eating, sleeping, showering, activities, etc.. and then practice walking in the dark, using a flashlight, etc....
• Stress the positive and talk about what your child should do if unhappy. Have a plan about what your child will do if they are sad or unhappy - let them know they can talk to the director, nurse, or counselor. Do not promise to "rescue" them or bring your child home early - stress the importance of coping when things are not perfect. You can pack a stuffed toy they can use for support, practice sleeping without a night light if that is a fear, so they get used to problem-solving.
• Send letters so that your child knows you are thinking about them, and pack stationary and self-addressed envelopes so that writing to you is easy.

Finally, your child will be fine, but you may be nervous or anxious. Do not try to call your camper, but instead, call the director with any concerns you have and let him or her investigate and get back to you. You will both make it through this experience! Be brave!

Photo Credit: Stew pendous

Labels: Travel

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Traveling with Teens: Part 2

We're Back!

I love the trips I have taken with teens over the last few years because hanging out with them 24/7 provides a unique insight into their relationships and daily patterns. I usually take a couple of books that we all take turns reading for hours of discussion and arguments, but this time, because we were on a performing tour that including daily performances and rehearsals, just managing logistics kept us all busy.

Germany and Austria
I had never been to Europe and now understand why people sit on planes for 11+ hours to visit. History is so different there - and everything revolves around that history! My family, along with 25 other girls between the ages of 11 and 15, and 14 other adults - assorted parents, three teachers, a tour guide, and a driver - visited Munich, Salzburg, and Vienna while the middle school choir and combined orchestra performed in some amazing churches and assorted other venues.

I have to say that hearing these young women perform was amazing - that they had dedicated so many hours to singing and playing an instrument, at such young ages, was inspiring. The audiences were so appreciative and the girls were so proud of themselves. One man, in broken English, asked them to all sign his program, so when they were famous, he would have their signatures. Another person, left about $25 because it was too good to be free, and the girls, without a second thought, donated it to the monastery where we were staying.

I also learned a few things that I will pass on to you, without too much detail. First, when traveling with teens, carry a first aid kit that includes at least, itch cream, tylenol, eye drops, bandaids, Neosporin cream, sanitary products, and a sewing kit. Second, make sure that they know the cell phone number of the tour guide, and the name of the hotel they are staying in each night - in case they get lost (which did not happen to us - thank goodness)! Third, remind them at the end of every day what the next day holds, and any expectations you have about timing, cleaning or packing, and what they will need in their day packs. This includes reminding them to look in the room and bathroom before leaving the final time. Fourth, give them all a little list of phrases in the language spoken in the area that they can use to communicate, just in case. Finally, remember that teens need connection, and a "good night," and acknowledgment of their accomplishments of the day, goes a long way to alleviate any homesickness.

Photo Credit: Peter Gutierrez

Labels: Travel

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Traveling with Teens: Part 1

I guess I am lucky in that my kids' friends actually like me and never seem to mind me hanging around. They even let me sit with them at the movies and keep parents company during parties. This special status means I clean up after them a lot, have other people's kids in my home almost constantly, and that I do a lot of driving since most of them are not old enough to have teens in the car while they drive themselves. It also means that when a chaperone is needed, I am usually on the top of the list.

This summer brings me two wonderful opportunities to travel with groups of teenagers. The first trip, where I am right now, is a nine-day performance tour to Germany and Austria to watch my daughter's school orchestra and chorus perform. This trip is with about 40 parents, teachers and teens, and includes air travel, hotels, restaurants, and tours that were organized by a tour company. Stay tuned for Part 2 of "traveling with teens," when I will tell you how the trip went.

The second trip in July is a community service trip to Howling Acres Wolf Sanctuary in Oregon organized by my eldest daughter that includes driving and camping with six teenagers for a week. This will be the third summer that we have made this trip, but the first two summers involved sleeping in a volunteer house, with running water and a kitchen. The teens make a menu and a grocery list while we drive, do the shopping, and help with the cooking and cleaning, in addition to their chores each day at the sanctuary. This summer is camping, and I admit, I am a little less enthusiastic.

The first year we did this the kids raising $300 and adopted a wolf named Esew that had been abused by his owners. Now, we go up each summer and work with the staff of the sanctuary, and next year hope to do a two-week trip. While we are at the wolf sanctuary each summer, the teenagers give tours to visitors, feed and groom the wolves, as well as clean their cages, and do assorted sanctuary maintenance.

The amazing part of the trip each year is the welcome the kids get from the wolves, who remember them and greet them like old friends. As we drive up the driveway each summer you can hear the howling start which does not end until the kids enter the first cage to be licked and greeted by their old friends. This relationship they have with the wolves has taught us a lot about wolves, and what it means to be part of a pack. Stay tuned for Part 3 of "traveling with teens," when I will tell you all about the trip.

I am blessed that all of the teens who go on these trips are obviously well-grounded kids who think working their butts off for a week is fun, or who play a musical instrument or sing with enough commitment to perform for strangers. Given that these kids are mature and pretty independent, traveling with them is fairly simple, but still takes some preparation.

Preparation
When traveling with teens I have learned that it is important to give them a very detailed packing list and limit on how much they can bring - the first year we had four laptops and no adapter for the car. When I say detailed - I am talking detail - bug spray, sunscreen, feminine protection, lip balm, hat, jacket, Pjs, tooth brush deordorent, underwear, socks, reading material, spending money, etc... - if you do not list it, they will not bring it. It is also important to get a list of allergies from parents and a permission slip signed by parents that allows you to administer first aid and assorted remedies to avoid or treat sunburns, heat exhaustion, bug bites, muscle pain, blisters, splinters, cramps, and headaches.

In the way of prep, it is important to let them help plan the trip, deciding how far we drive each day, how the chores will be divided, what touristy things we see, how much reading or personal time they have each day, and to tell them how much free time they will have, what the behavioral expectations are, and what happens if they do not follow through with those expectations.

Prior to Leaving
I have found a reminder the day before works well, and at departure, make sure that any medications are in your carry-on luggage, that all the baggage is marked, and that each child has their passport or picture ID, money, and tickets. Once on the plane, it is important to retrieve all important documents and keep them together until needed again.

Photo Credit: silfverduk

Labels: Travel

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