Love is Respect

Love is respect is the online home of the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. Teens can find support and information to understand dating abuse. Peer Advocates are available for assistance and support, there are videos, and even a live chat for teens to talk about concerns about their relationships.

This is a really good site to explore with your teens as they begin a dating relationship. As parents, we tend to spend a lot of time talking about risks and less time talking about love, emotions, and respect. When newly in love, it is really easy for teen to get carried away with the emotions and excitement, without being conscious of the choices they are (or are not) making.

My favorite part of this site is the Teen Dating Bill of Rights and Pledge

I have the right:

• To always be treated with respect.
• To be in a healthy relationship.
• To not be hurt physically or emotionally.
• To refuse sex or affection at anytime.
• To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend.
• To end a relationship.

• I pledge to:
• Always treat my boyfriend or girlfriend with respect.
• Never hurt my boyfriend or girlfriend physically, verbally, or emotionally.
• Respect my girlfriend's or boyfriend's decisions concerning sex and affection.
• Not be controlling or manipulative in my relationship.
• Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.

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Labels: Relationships, Web Resource

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Males, Romance and Success

Thanks to a comment on my last post about boys and romance, I set out last week to find more information about males and romance, and found a number of interesting studies. There are many studies on adolescents focus on peer interactions and relationships, but less is known about boys dating experiences than is known about how girls experience relationships. Many professionals believe that although boys are more confident when starting romantic relationships, they are less emotionally involved, and in fact basically start relationships for sex, versus girls who want romance and love.

One 2006 study published by Giordano, Longmore & Manning in the the American Sociological Review suggests something quite different - including the fact that boys are not more confident, and in fact are as emotionally engaged as females. Another study published in the Journal of Adolescent Research explored how males construct intimacy, and a third study published in Gender Issues suggested men were more willing than females to sacrifice achievement goals for a romantic relationship.

This evidence seems to suggest that there may be more to males and relationships than we know and that there is a need for more updated research, as well as resources. Males need support in relationships and some coaching on developing emotional relationships, just like girls. We may be doing a great disservice to males if we do not expect the depth of emotions we expect from teen girls.

I wonder if these results reflect a shift away from the "me" focus and a shift toward "other" and attachment. I hear more and more people talking about feeling alienated from partners, family, neighbors, community, state, and even country - and it makes me think we are about to participate in a swing back toward relationships and "others." I guess we shall see!

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Labels: Boys, Relationships

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The ABCs of Healthy Teen Relationships

There is a great new resource at We're Talking Teen Health about healthy teen relationships, called The ABCs of Healthy Relationships. This new section of We're Talking was created by Julia Ransohoff and other teens and young adults with a grant from Youth Ventures and has great information for teens, parents, and teachers who want to talk about what healthy relationships are, and what they are not.

This site, which was piloted for use in the classroom last year, includes slide shows for teachers to use in class (with notes), and content about different types of relationships, figuring out which relationships are healthy and which ones are not, resources and information about how to help a friend, and most importantly, the concept: "Run your relationships; don't let them run you."

An example of the content from the assessing your relationship section are the questions:

• How do you act around this person compared to how you act around other people?
• How do you feel after having been around this person?
• How do you feel when you're around this person?

Teen relationships can be tough, and this site will give adults and teens some language that makes talking about them much easier.

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Labels: Relationships, Web Resource

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Teen Boys and Romance

My heart goes out to every teenage boy who has ever withered under the disappointed glare of a girlfriend or thrown his hands up with a pleading "what do you want from me?" It is not that they do not feel the emotions of teen love, or want with every fiber of their existence to make their partners swoon, it is simply a matter of having not read the correct books!

I am serious! How much better off would every teenage boy be for having read the love stories that preteen and teen girls thrive on? How is a teenage boy supposed to understand the allure of "as his lips brushed her neck," or "his gaze burned into her soul," or "I watched him stare at her retreating figure, as if she was his reason for existing?" This is the stuff love is made of for teenage girls and their poor boyfriends, do not have a clue!

Maybe if English teachers required classes to read the Twilight Series from Stephenie Meyer, and the Earth's Children series by Jean Auel, they could get read these books without being teased by peers and finally understand what teen girls are waiting for! It would be quite the popular male who knew the secrets of these romance books!

Resources:
We're Talking Teen Health has a page of resources about male health that you may find useful.

Photo Credit: Gunna

Labels: Boys, Relationships

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