Cyberbullying and Fear

It is probably true that every preteen, teen, and adult is capable of saying something mean and nasty, hurting someone's feelings, and kicking (non-literally) someone when they are down, and most 13 year-olds do not take their own lives when they are bullied, but it happens, and I hope that the name Megan Meier will always remind us to be careful about how we treat others. Like in all harassment, it does not matter what we meant by what we did, or said, it matters how the person takes it - and Megan took it all very seriously.

Megan was a 13-year old girl who wanted to be popular, wanted to experience love, wanted to have a MySpace page, and was loved by her family - all pretty normal, on the outside, but now she is a child who took her own life in response to what she perceived as overwhelming evidence that she was not worthy of living, and someone else called a joke. Her self-esteem and confidence were beaten down by bullying in two different schools, via the Internet, and finally by a hoax that had her believing in a new boyfriend, who then dumped her, insulted her, and emotionally abused her. I am voting that people did not know she was depressed and suffering from attention deficit disorder, both things that made her more vulnerable to the abuse.

Would it have mattered to the people who bullied her and made themselves feel better by insulting her? Would she have been more protected if she had not tried to belong in the popular crowd? Make-up, designer clothes, sitting at the popular table, were all things that mattered to Megan, and made her vulnerable to bullying about her weight and social status. I am very concerned that we seem to be raising a generation that not only has adopted the impossible beauty standards they see in the media, they are capable of judging and hurting others they perceive as having less value than themselves.

Cellphones, cameras, text messaging and social networking Web sites, as well as email all are tools kids can use to tease and bully one another. Schools are doing everything they can think of to stop it - including policies, requiring uniforms, assemblies, parent education, and monitoring the Internet, but bullying still happens. Kids are terrified that they will become a target of bullying, and are afraid to do things and say things, lest someone captures them looking like a fool.

How sad is that - that our value is set by someone outside of us, and by how we look on the outside, not what we believe in and who we are as human beings. Somehow, as adults, we have to make some changes, and help youth understand the damage that bullying does. The lives we save could be our own children's.

Photo credit: superhua

Labels: Bullying

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Fashion Bullies in Middle School

The Wall Street Journal recently included an article about fashion bullies by Vanessa O'Connell that I really enjoyed, in a sick, kind of irritated beyond belief kind of way. The article talked about the fact that adolescent girls have long used fashion as a social weapon, but today some professionals say that fashion bullying has reached a new level of intensity as more designers launch collections targeted at kids. Girls in places where this is a problem are expected to wear not just any designer brands, but the "right" brands, and the better (read more expensive) the brand, the higher the level in the social pecking order.

Ms. O'Connel also discussed some of the ways school and community programs focused on girl-on-girl bullying are addressing peer pressure and the role of clothing plays in girls' identify. It seems there might be a connection between fashion bullying and the proliferation of designer brands and the labels of ads. Retailers, too are helping this phenomenon with boutiques for children and tweens. The greater focus on fashion in teen magazines and on TV has increased girls' awareness of designer labels. Kids today follow what celebrities wear on the show and off the show, and can even follow the style of celebrity's children.

If having access to designer clothes affords some kids the opportunity to become popular, which protects and gives youth social power, my vote is that schools make labels "contraband" and that young girls wanting to fight the pressure to conform remove the labels from the inside of their clothes as well! Maybe it will be a new fad hat will also empower young girls - label removing - and we can make buttons that say "please do not judge me by what is on the outside."

PLEASE!! Isn't it enough that kids are worried about their futures, the future of the planet and their safety? Now they have to worry about fashion, too? Young girls do not have to suffer and parents can help - talk about the fact that what we wear is not who we are and become label-blind. Do not feed the madness!

Photo credit: clownfish

Labels: Bullying, Media

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Setting an Example: The Best Way to Defeat Bullying

As children, most parents likely experienced bullying as someone bigger and meaner physically threatening someone smaller or weaker. Bullying is still a problem in schools, but the nature of the intimidation is more likely to be gossiping, spreading rumors, and name-calling. These anti-social behaviors are often dismissed as a "normal part of growing up" but they do more damage to children's well-being and academic performance than most people realize.

In an attempt to stop bullying and the damage done by the behavior, schools are trying to make the school environment more respectful instead of the "zero-tolerance" policies that removed bullies from classrooms. In an effort to do this, schools are having to acknowledge the underlying factors that lead to negative behavior, one of which is the discriminatory modeling of parents.

Children in all grade levels use "difference" as a reason to discriminate, exclude, or make fun of their peers. Perceived distinctions based on ethnicity, socioeconomic status, religion, gender, sexual orientation, body type or mental ability are the basis of harassment, specially in middle school. It is important that we as parents model behavior that is respectful of all people and that our language does not inadvertently suggest that someone is "less than" us in any way.

Be conscious of what you say to people today and every day - you may be surprised by the messages you are sending to your children.

Photo Credit: Brian9000

Labels: Bullying

Permalink | 1 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

4th Annual Conference About Best Practices in Bullying Prevention

The 4th Annual Conference about Best Practices in Bullying Prevention will be held in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida November 5th-8th, 2007. Stop Bullying Now puts forth the following steps to reduce bullying in your school, based in art on Limber, S.P. (2004), What works and doesn't work in bullying prevention and intervention. Student Assistance Journal, 16-19.

• Focus on the social environment of the school.
• Assess bullying at your school using an anonymous questionnaire.
• Get staff and parents to support bullying prevention.
• Form a group (with parents, staff, teacher, and counselor) to coordinate the school's bullying prevention activities.
• Provide training for school staff in bullying prevention.
• Establish and enforce school rules and policies related to bullying.
• Increase adult supervision in places kids get bullied.
• Intervene consistently and appropriately when you see bullying.
• Devote some class time to bullying prevention.
• Continue these efforts over time, as part of the school environment.

Resources
The Bullying Module for grades 4-6
International Bullying Prevention Association
Stop Bullying Now

Photo Credit: WTL Photos

Labels: Bullying

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

School Bullying

I bet you can all remember hearing your parents say that "kids will be kids," and when our peers were mean, we should "get over it," because mean people, teasing and bullying were just a part of life. Well, like everything else, our kids are experiencing a different reality and the old advice just is not appropriate any more.

A recent study by the Lucile Packard Children's Hospital and the Stanford University School of Medicine reported that nine out of ten elementary students have been bullied by their peers. In fact, six in ten children surveyed also reported that they have participated in some form of bullying others, as well. Researchers asked 270 children in grades three through six in two schools in California and one school in Arizona to complete a 22-item survey about bullying. They survey asked questions about threatening and physical bullying as well as exclusion and spreading rumors.

Previous research has shown that without intervention, bullying behavior persists over time, and that children who are bullies are more likely to end up in prison then their non-bullying peers. The results of this new study suggest that both bullies and victims suffer higher levels of depression and other mental health problems, including anxiety and suicidal thoughts. The most effective interventions seem to be those that include changing the norms of a school to be intolerant of any bullying behavior, from principals to support staff, everyone must recognize and stop bullying, in any form. Parents can help by talking to their kids about what to do if they are bullied, or witness someone else being bullied.

Resources: The Bully Module; Kid Power

Photo Credit: berlinoa

Labels: Bullying

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is not going away, and great resources are Internet Solutions for Kids, Inc., Stop Cyberbullying, and Cyberbullying which include news, facts, and information about prevention and education for parents. The parent pages suggests that the best way to keep your teen from being a cyberbully is to be involved with their lives and monitor them online and offline.

In addition, these sites suggests parents talk to their kids about:

• online etiquette (not saying anything online you would not say out loud or in public);
• telling you if something bad happens online -with a guarantee that you will not pull their Internet privileges;
• know where your teen is going online and who they are chatting with; and
• the risks associated with instant messaging and blogging, which are associated with more cyberbullying.

Currently, some safety advocates suggest parents monitor their teen's blogs or personal profiles, but others feel this would be a violation of their privacy if you were not invited. Some families are very comfortable and know that their parents are visiting their social networking sites, and it is not an issue. I suggest that if your child has asked for permission to develop a page, it would be a great time to establish a rule that you have access, while discussing other things like not posting identifying information and limiting access to friends.

Finally, this site has a nice page about myths and facts, with a link to the Cyber Tipline for reporting any suspicious or unwanted sexual activity.

Photo Credit: > ange <

Labels: Bullying, Online/Internet Safety

Permalink | Email Post

Post your comment

LGBTQ harassment in Middle Schools

Wow! You know the world has changed when there are more than 500 gay-straight alliances existing in middle schools to protect teens against homophobia and bullying. Tolerance.org has an article by Carrie Kilman that was really interesting. Her article references the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) that collects data about the treatment of LGBTQ students in schools every two years.

The results from the 2005 survey suggest that 64% of middle school students report anti-gay bullying and name calling as major problems in their schools. Gay-straiaght alliances directly address this problem by creating safe spaces for LGBTQ youth and organizing campus wide events to increase tolerance for all marginalized groups and reduce anti-gay bullying. Two common vents are No Name Calling Week and the National Day of Silence.

Middle school has got to be the hardest time, socially, for most kids, and LGBTQ kids are always targets for bullies, so gay-straight alliances make perfect sense, but the fact that teens in 6th-8th grade are "out," is new, and suggests that our society, at least in some places, is becoming more tolerant, and that our teens at least are more comfortable talking about sexual orientation.

Photo Credit: josephp

Labels: Bullying, GLBT

Permalink | Email Post

Post your comment

Schools and Parents Taking Action to Stop Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is online harassment via electronic devices, including email, text messaging, and online teen forums. The nature of this assault can be even worse than the old-fashioned kind of physical and verbal bullying - because of the anonymity and the sheer number of people it can reach. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal by Anne Marie Chaker suggests that schools are getting more and more calls to intervene from parents, but are stuck because much of the nastiness is taking place on home computers, where they have no authority.

The National Schools Boards Association and schools in many states are creating new policies that deal with cyberbullying and many are prohibiting any form of bullying (and spelling out what constitutes bullying) in honor codes. MySpace.com is doing its part by providing a link for students to report abuse and asking schools to report any offensive or threatening behavior via a hotline and email address for school officials to use for that reporting. One complication seems to be First Amendment rights, however, most people seem to believe that any cyberbullying that threatens violence or disrupts the learning environment, can and should be addressed by the school.

Parents, remember the basics of online security - know what your kids are up to on the computer, keep computers out of bedrooms and in public areas, check the history logs to see where your kids are spending their time online, talk about appropriate use of online forums, and make clear what your values are about bullying. It is also not a bad idea to spend some time on MySpace - it will give you plenty of ideas about what to talk to your teens about!

Photo credit: mambrarian

Labels: Bullying

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Harassment and Bullying: Not a Rite of Passage

For many generations, people have thought of school bullying as an inevitable rite of passage and that it helped us all learn how to "stand up for ourselves" and deal with the "real world." This is no longer the case. The law is very clear that school districts must prevent harassment of students and take action when it occurs.

We now know that youth who are bullied do less well in school and experience more stress than peers who are not bullied. With responses from nearly 32,000 high school students in 15 urban school districts, the National School Boards Association found that 50% of students report seeing other students being bullied at least once a month. Talk to your kids about bullying at school and ask what they experience or see. Find out what your district policy is and encourage your child to report any bullying.

Schools are now responsible for educating youth that physical, emotional, and cyber-bullying will not be tolerated. There are many resources available to teachers, schools, and parents to help kids recognize and stop bullying. My favorites include the Bully Book for young kids, the Bullying Module for 4th and 5th grade classrooms, and the Bullying Fact Sheet for Teens.

Along with knowing what bullying is happening, you can also talk to your child about why bullying is never OK and the kinds of values you expect your child to share about respect. Character education is a big part of bullying prevention, and there are many preteens who truly do not understand that exclusion and ignoring certain kids are forms of bullying.

Photo credit: snipperhands

Labels: Bullying

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Cyber Bullying

Parents beware! The new electronic toy or Internet access feature may be setting your child up to be cyber bullied. The Internet provides a new venue for teasing and bullying that may be even more damaging to the self-esteem of teens as "old-fashioned" bullying, and seems to be more prevalent among girls than traditional school-yard bullying. MySpace.com, Xanga.com, email, blogs, Internet Bulletin Boards, chat rooms, and instant messaging all provide cyber bullies with the means to harass their peers, usually anonymously. In fact, we think four times as many kids are bullied on the Internet as in real life.

This increased bullying via the Internet is another reason to have a safety contract and keep the computer at home in a public place. In addition, remind your children that they should never give away identifying information; and if someone bullies them online, they should: 1) not respond and stay calm; 2) keep the messages as evidence (and do not necessarily read them); 3) contact the Internet provider and local police about threatening or abusive content; 4) do not believe everything you see or read online; and 5) be selective about participating online with anonymous people.

I caution parents to not"over react" and pull the plug on the computer though - this will just guarantee your child does not ask for your help, or continues to participate at someone else's house. Instead, encourage your child to think about what they are getting from the online exchanges and be critical about whether or not the benefit is worth the pain and risk of cyber bullying.



Photo credit: JesseWarren

Labels: Bullying, Online/Internet Safety

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Bullying and Teens

Like everything else in our culture, bullying has gotten “extreme.” What used to be considered almost a normal part of growing up has become the focus of many discussions between parents as well as elementary and middle school “character building” classes. More than 60% of students report being bullied in national health surveys and about 20% report bullying people. Although bullying tends to peak in 6th grade, high school students can also experience it.

Bullying can be verbal, physical, mental, and Internet-based. It happens between boys and girls of all ages and in every context of their lives. Bullying can include any of a number of behaviors:
• Hitting
• Teasing or taunting
• Name-calling
• Telling jokes
• Giggling or whispering
• Rumor-spreading
• Sending fake emails
• Sharing pictures on the Internet
• Stealing
• Rejection
• Exclusion

The consequences of bullying are very serious. Both teens who are being bullied and doing the bullying experience stress, cannot learn well, may have emotional or physical symptoms that limit school attendance, and will not do as well socially. Many teens who are bullied also experience violent thoughts of retaliation and may resort to violence to cope with the problem.

Ways to combat some of the consequences of teen bullying include becoming involved in activities that have purpose, build self-esteem, develop skills, and include other teens that share characteristics or interests. Every teen needs to feel good about who they are – it will give them strength to combat the bullying or decide they do not want to be a bully.

What should you do if you child is bullied?
• Do not criticize or blame your child – acknowledge that everyone is a target at some point in their lives – whether it is for size, smarts, ethnicity, sexual orientation, social status, where they live, or who their friends are
• Be empathetic and ask what they have already tried to do and how each attempt worked
• Do not encourage fighting back
• Encourage your child to stay with people and avoid the bully
• Encourage your child to ask for help from a teacher, principal, or counselor
• If nothing the teen does works, then you should call the school and discuss the situation with the administration. Encourage the administration to make the entire school a ”bully-free zone” and encourage adults witnessing any form of bullying to stop it.

Resources
Healtlhline for more information on bullying

We're Talking, Too: Preteen Health Bullying Modules for teachers of 4th and 5th grade

We're Talking Teen Health Information and resources for teens.



Photo credit: Jackie O

Labels: Bullying

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment